“Lizzie, I have so much more to say. Can we please just talk about this?”
“No. I can’t talk about it, not right now. I know that you feel like I did this to you, but despite what it looks like, I didn’t do this to you. Maybe I should have told you sooner, but that wouldn’t have changed what I’ve done or what I will continue to do for Maddy.” Before she broke down in tears, she said, “I have to go.”
She ran to her car, holding her breath the whole way, and sped down the street and around the corner, where she pulled over and slammed the car into park—and finally let go in an endless stream of gulps and sobs. She cried for having kept her secret for so long and for the look in Blue’s eyes when she’d told him, and she cried for the parents she wished she’d had and for the reality that no matter how much she wished her life could be different, this was the hand she was dealt.
An hour later she stood at the back door of Sky’s tattoo shop clutching her laptop and feeling like a drowned rat. If she hadn’t known she looked like hell, the look in Sky’s eyes as they rolled over her would have been a dead giveaway.
“Holy shit. What happened to you?” Sky pulled her into a comforting embrace, and for a moment Lizzie allowed herself to soak in that comfort.
After the way Sky had reacted to finding out about Blue asking her out, she didn’t expect a warm welcome of any kind once she revealed what else she’d kept from her. But she’d be damned if she’d let anyone think she was doing the wrong thing.
Sky tried to usher her inside. “Come sit down with me.”
Lizzie shook her head. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Yeah, sure.” Sky held her by the shoulders and searched her eyes. “Are you okay by yourself for a minute while I lock the front door?”
Lizzie nodded and waited nervously for Sky to return. When she did, they sat in silence on the back stoop. The afternoon sun beat down on them but did nothing to quell the chill running through Lizzie’s heart.
“Sky, I think Blue and I broke up.”
Sky folded her into her arms. “Oh, no. Lizzie, no wonder you look like hell. What happened?”
“It’s my fault.” Tears sprang from her eyes as she pulled out of Sky’s arms. “I didn’t tell him about something I should have.”
Sky reached for Lizzie’s hand. “Tell me what happened. I’m sure whatever it is, you guys will get through this.”
Lizzie shook her head. “I’m not so sure. And I’m not sure you’ll forgive me either.”
“Forgive you?” She let out a little laugh. “What do you mean? You didn’t cheat on Blue, did you? Because you’re right; I might not forgive you for that. He’s my friend, too.”
She shook her head again. “I haven’t been with anyone else.” This was much harder than she’d thought it would be. Her chest tightened up as she tried to figure out what to say.
“Then what could I ever not forgive you for?”
She opened her mouth to blurt it out, but no words came. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. “Shit. This is so hard.”
Sky gathered her in close again. “Lizzie, you can tell me anything.”
“No. No, I can’t. People say that, but they don’t really mean it. It’s like when someone says they’ll love you forever, and you think they really will. Only you don’t think through all the conditions that go along with that love.”
“Okay, slow down.” Sky held her by the shoulders again. “Slow down and clue me in, because you’re not making sense and you’re scaring me a little.”
Lizzie inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. “Remember when you asked about how I started my business, and I said I took out loans?”
“Sure.”
“I didn’t exactly take out loans.” She nibbled on her lower lip, folding and unfolding her hands. “I had enough money to open it outright.”
“Okay.”
She averted her eyes, looking at the ground, at her hands, anywhere but at Sky. “I do a webcast that I’ve monetized, and that’s how I paid for my shop and my school loans. And Maddy’s tuition and books.”
“A webcast? Well, that’s good, right? I mean if you’re earning enough to do all those things, why didn’t you just tell me? Were you worried I’d be jealous?”
She lifted her eyes to Sky’s. “No. I knew you’d never be jealous, but I’ve been ashamed by the type of show it is.”
“Are we talking porn?” Sky’s eyes widened with the possibility.
Lizzie shook her head. “No. I’ve got clothes on. Just not many.” She opened her laptop and laid it on Sky’s lap. She’d already queued up one of the Naked Baker videos.