It was hard not to admire her determination, almost as hard as it was to deal with the betrayal.
“How can you put yourself out there the way you do night after night and say you’re falling in love with me? If you loved me, then you wouldn’t be able to fathom stripping down twice a week and seducing a bunch of strangers for money.”
“You told me to trust you, Blue. You said you wanted to be the man I shared my secrets with, but I guess you wanted to handpick those secrets.”
He strode to the door, feeling low and lost and like the fucking mess he was, but he was too brokenhearted to do anything else. With one hand on the doorknob and his back to Lizzie, he said, “I’m a man of my word. I’ll finish your renovations, and I’ll try to stay out of your way. But open your eyes, Lizzie. Someone who’s proud of what they’re doing doesn’t lie to the people who love them.”
Chapter Eighteen
LIZZIE WAS SHAKING so badly after Blue left that it had taken her an hour just to leave the kitchen. So much of what he’d said had been true—she was rationalizing, and if her family and friends knew what she was doing, they would be hurt, ashamed, and embarrassed by it, too. But, right or not, she stood firm in her convictions. Not everyone had it easy or made preferable choices in life. Not that she thought of herself as being underprivileged or forced into doing what she’d done, but if she had to do it again, she would. There were things she’d do differently, like tell Blue about it before they got in so deep, but she still would have taken the same path. It was an embarrassing thing to do, but it was a means to an end.
She sat on the floor in the living room staring up at the painting they’d made the other night, futilely trying to weed through her tangled emotions. Was she being stubborn? Should she stop doing the show and plead for Blue to come back to her? She felt empty, depleted of all the goodness they’d shared. The hole he’d left when he’d walked out the door might never heal. How could love hurt so much?
She always did the right thing. Always.
Didn’t she?
Blue’s words sailed painfully through her mind. Someone who’s proud of what they’re doing doesn’t lie to the people who love them.
Damn if he wasn’t one hundred percent right. She forced herself to her feet and went into her bathroom to get a grip on herself. Why was it that when a woman cried it affected every ounce of her being? Her eyes and nose were pink and puffy, and her hair was all over the place, as if she’d been out in a windstorm. She brushed her hair and washed her face, forgoing any makeup, because she was sure she wasn’t done crying.
She packed up her laptop and headed out to the car, determined to fix the things Blue was right about. She had been rationalizing, saving herself embarrassment, by not telling Sky about what she was doing. Of all people, Sky would understand. She was not only her closest friend, but she hadn’t grown up with a silver spoon in her mouth.
Lizzie started her car as Blue’s truck pulled up to the curb. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, not at all ready for another confrontation. She pushed her broken heart out of her throat, got out of her car, and stomped over to him, determined to stand strong.
“What else could you possibly have to say?” she asked with a stoic stare.
“I promised to finish the work. I’m here to do that.” He got out of the truck, and the sadness in his eyes made her heart ache. He reached for her, and she bristled.
“Lizzie, please. This is hard for both of us.”
She didn’t even try to respond, knowing she’d cry if she did, and when he tugged her in close and wrapped his strong arms around her, the urge to melt into him was overwhelming. There was no stopping the tears that fell from her eyes. Blue’s comfort felt too good.
“I love you too much to walk away from us,” he said with such tenderness to his voice that it tugged at her to tell him the same. “I don’t want to be the kind of couple who ends things in a fury, Lizzie. That’s not us. We just need to talk, so we can both come to grips with our feelings and figure out where we go from here.”
He felt too safe, but he wasn’t safe, not the kind of safe she needed.
“You once told me that you’d never get enough of kissing me, and I told you that I’d never regret being close to you.” She forced herself to meet his apologetic gaze. His lips were so close, and she knew if she went up on her toes and pressed her mouth to his, he’d kiss her back, despite his misgivings, despite what happened between them. She wanted that kiss so badly she could taste it, but that wasn’t good enough, and she knew in her heart it wouldn’t solve a damn thing.
“I’m sorry, Blue, but right at this second, I do regret it. It hurts. Every time I look in your eyes, every time you touch me, it brings back the things you said to me.” She paused, biting back the urge to cry. She pushed from his chest on shaky legs.