The moment passes and Raph begins the session with demonstrations in the usual way. When it’s my turn, I feel the knot of apprehension in my stomach tighten.
“Come on, Jaz—you need to get past this first one so that we can move to the other elements.” Raph puts on his team pep talk voice and I can see why he’s the captain of the soccer team. He’s good at this.
“So, I’m expected to know how to use all the elements?” I ask again.
“Yes, all of them. Of course, you won’t be able to summon daylight, only I can do that,” he replies with a flourish, and I roll my eyes in response.
“In the same way that only members of the Evenstar Dynasty can summon night. Exclusive sovereign Dynasty powers and all that.”
I walk closer to the edge of the water and I can feel my frustration burning as I try to focus on hearing the pounding of the waves against the shore, feeling the movements of the water. Just as I feel the connection beginning to snap into place, I feel a wall coming down around my senses.
“Argh—it’s no use,” I cry out as I come up empty again.
“Calm down,” Raph’s says evenly.
I squeeze my eyes shut in frustration, but I can feel Raph’s eyes on me. I turn to him finally, to find him watching me, trying to read me. I don’t want him to.
“What is it?” he asks quietly.
My answer is one that I’m certain I hadn’t let myself admit until that moment.
“My first foster parents were nice people. They couldn’t have kids of their own, so they took me in after my mom died. I was only seven, but I could sense the expectations they had for me. I’d be their little angel—sweet, perfect, normal. I guess they soon found out that I was far from any of those things, even then. Things would happen which nobody could explain—the shadows, the shifting elements. Things that I was too young to control, secrets that I was too young to know how to hide.”
I’m vaguely aware that I’m telling Raph things that I’ve never told a single soul. It feels like a damn bursting inside me and I can’t stop the words from breaking through.
Raph doesn’t say a word. He just listens and in that moment, it’s what I need.
“They put me through endless therapy sessions, convinced there was a way to fix me. But it was no use. Their good intentions turned to doubt, then to disappointment and even fear. It’s as if they were scared that I’d one day kill them in their sleep.” The memory of it burns through me, but I force myself not to let it show. The way those endlessly blue eyes are watching me, though, tells me that Raph sees it anyway.
“I was shipped off to foster home number two in less than a year and it went on like that until I learned how to hide my curse. Until I learned how to hide who I was. I guess that after a lifetime of hiding those powers, of blocking them out, the thought of finally unleashing them, scares the shit out of me.”
I turn back to the sweeping horizon, watching the waves lap against the shore as I feel Raph watching me.
“Your powers aren’t a curse, Jaz. They’re a gift,” he says finally. His words touch some part of me I didn’t even know existed until this moment and when I turn to look at him, the look in his eyes is not one I’ve seen before.
He steps closer to me, and although I’m certain that I should, I don’t step back, standing rooted to the spot instead.
“You were born a god and made to live like a human. There is nothing normal about you and you should be fucking proud of that —because there is nothing good about being normal.”
He says every word with a conviction that floors me, as if he wants me to believe every word in the deepest, darkest parts of me. In those broken parts that I long ago learned to hide.
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out because in that moment, I have no words.
“Are you ready to try again?” Raph asks then.
This time, there isn’t a shred of hesitation in me, not a shred of doubt left. As if by just those words, he was able to change something inside me that I’m certain will never be the same.
I nod silently and take a deep breath. I follow his instructions as he guides me through the first few moments again.
Nothing happens at first. I search for the connection, but this time, I hold onto it, getting past the initial apprehension. The connection comes to life inside me, like an almost visible chord, drawing me to the water.
I don’t realize what’s happening until Raph’s hand grabs mine, and he’s dragging me up the beach, away from the shore. We’re not fast enough though, as an impossibly large wave comes towering over us before crashing down.
My scream is drowned out by the waves, and the only thing stopping me from being swept out to sea, is Raph’s arms around me, pulling me away from the water.
As the waves retreat, I find myself pressed up against Raph’s muscled body, his very wet, muscled body.
His t-shirt and sweats are soaked through, as are my hoodie and leggings.
I can’t stop the laugh that bubbles up my throat and Raph is laughing along with me. So, we stand there laughing like a pair of lunatics, although I almost just drowned us both.
“God, Jaz—next time, try not to aim for yourself—or me for that matter,” Raph says, once the laughter subsides.
There’s an awkward moment, when we both realize that we’re still holding onto each other and neither one of us seems about to let go. Every inch of his body is solid muscle and the feeling of his hard body pressed up against the softest parts of me feels too good. I desperately try to smother the raging hormones rising inside me, but it’s difficult when Raph’s impossibly blue eyes are burning like twin flames as they look into mine.
I pull back first, aware that my face is on fire.
“I think we should get back,” I say after a moment.
Raph hesitates, but nods after a moment.
“Okay,” he replies, his voice sounding gruff.
Baron, Keller and Lance are sitting around the kitchen island, in the middle of having breakfast, when we walk through the front door.
Conversation stops as they notice two things—one, that I’m laughing at some lame joke that Raph’s just made, like we’re old friends instead of enemies, and two, that we’re completely soaked.
“And where the hell have you two been?” Keller asks, still eying our soaked through clothes.
“Training,” Raph replies evenly, walking towards the kitchen island and swiping a piece of toast from the pile that Lance is buttering.
“Training?” Keller repeats. “Care to elaborate?”
I’m still standing by the door, unsure of whether to follow Raph to the kitchen or go directly to my room to change. Raph and I may have called a truce, but I have no idea where I stand with the rest of the Dynasty heirs. Although, of course, I know that they take his lead.
Raph makes the decision for me.
“Come here and get some breakfast in you, Jaz. I’ve been listening to your stomach grumbling all morning.”
I roll my eyes. He’s right though, I didn’t have time to eat before we left the house at 5:00 a.m.