“Ha. Ha.” Baron replies, rolling his eyes.
I feel all laughter drain from my body and I’m suddenly on my guard again.
Raph had been furious the last time I saw him in swim class. I expect to see the same anger when I look into those impossibly blue eyes. But I think I see something like concern instead as his gaze falls on my swollen hands, which is ridiculous, because why the hell would he care? He hates me.
What he does then surprises everyone, including, it seems, himself. I can see the conflict raging in those midnight blue eyes as he takes both of my hands in his and presses the makeshift ice pack to my knuckles.
I feel like I’m two seconds from falling off my stool as I gape at him, and Baron looks like he’s about to keel over in shock.
The room is deathly silent and the air feels so charged, that it’s difficult to breathe.
Baron coughs and I turn to find him shifting awkwardly on his feet, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else but here. Raph doesn’t seem to notice though, as he keeps his gaze locked onto my face.
“God, as much as I’m enjoying standing here choking on all this sexual tension, I think I’ll go upstairs and drill holes into my teeth—because that’ll be more bearable.”
Raph doesn’t say a word as he keeps the ice pack pressed onto my knuckles, and neither of us speaks as he takes out a first aid kit from one of the kitchen drawers.
I say nothing as he dresses the cuts on my knuckles, his expert fingers applying the antiseptic deftly and with surprising gentleness. I don’t move a single muscle, I don’t think I even breathe.
When he’s finished, he still says nothing as he walks away. As I stare after him, I don’t think he needs to.
15
It’s a few days after my showdown with Layla and the bizarre encounter with Raph in the kitchen. I’ve spent the entire afternoon after class and the early part of the evening in the art studio, distracting myself with my latest project.
It’s dark by the time I walk the tree lined road from campus to the edge of the plateau where Sovereign Hall perches.
I can hear the music blaring from midway down the road, and there is indeed another party in full swing. Great, this is the last thing I need.
I let out a long sigh and shoulder my way past a group of drunken students. Just like at the last party when Raph tried to drown me in the pool, I’m forced to witness the hormone fest surrounding me. I think I throw up in my mouth as I see a couple practically having sex on the kitchen island. Gross. I had my breakfast on that only a few hours ago.
I spot Baron in the pool, surrounded by a group of perky blondes. Totally in his element. Keller is also in the pool area, making out with a cute guy from the soccer team. He seems enthralled and intimidated by her at the same time.
I try not to look for Raph as I climb the stairs, but my eyes seem to have a mind of their own. I spot him in the packed living area. He’s with Layla, which is perfect. Of course. I notice though, that they seem to be locked in some heated argument. Raph looks furious. Whatever.
I feel Layla’s eyes on me as I continue up the stairs, but I don’t turn to look. The bitch can kiss my ass.
I open the double doors to my room and straightaway I notice that there’s a fire blazing brightly in the fireplace. What the hell?
I feel like I’m moving in slow motion as my gaze falls on the metal tin lying open on the plush black rug in front of the fire place. I run over to the orange and white flames just in time to see my mom’s sketches and photographs burning in the fire.
I feel like I’ve been punched in the chest and I can’t seem to get any air into my lungs as I stare at the fire. And stare. And stare.
I can’t tear my eyes away from the horrific scene of every single memory that I’ve ever had worth keeping, going up in flames. The only pieces of my mom that I have left.
I feel so utterly useless in that moment, because if I could summon water or wind, or anything—I could try to salvage what’s left of my mom’s memories. But I can’t even do that.
Panic spurs me then and I think I’ve lost my mind because I try to reach into the fire itself, not caring that I’m about to burn my own hands off.
I’m yanked back forcefully by strong arms and I thrash against them as they hold me back.
“Let me go!” I scream.
“Jaz, don’t,” Raph’s voice in my ear is oddly soothing and I can hear something else mixed with it—sadness?
“Get the fuck off me!” I whirl around to face him.
“Put out the fire—please!” I don’t care that I’m begging the guy who most likely is responsible for this for help.
He shakes his head and there’s that sadness again.
“It’s too late, Jaz—they’re gone.”
“No!” I cry out.
“I hate you—I fucking hate you!” I’m lunging for him now, but he holds my arms to stop me.
“It wasn’t me, Jaz—I had nothing to do with this, I swear.”
Those blue eyes look so sincere. But I don’t believe him. I don’t trust him.
“I don’t believe you.” I’m shaking my head as I back away from him, my voice barely a ragged whisper.
I turn on my heel and run.
I can hear him calling after me, but I don’t stop.
I see Layla’s satisfied smile as I run past the living area and I want to punch her on the mouth all over again. But it won’t bring my mom’s memories back.
So, I keep running. Out of Sovereign Hall, away from the crowd where I don’t belong, away from the people who will never accept me.
I keep running until I reach the rocky beach beneath and I collapse onto the sand, feeling like all of the fight in me is gone.
It’s only then that I cover my face with my hands and let the tears that I’ve been holding back since I stepped foot in this godforsaken place, fall. I let myself cry then—for myself, for all the lost memories.
I don’t sense his presence until he’s sitting next to me on the sand. I want to tell him to leave, but there’s nothing left inside me anymore. Nothing in me that cares.
I draw my knees up to my chest then, hugging them to me.
We sit in silence for what seems like an eternity, watching the silvery beams of the crescent moon reflecting off the waves as they lap against the rocky sand.
“I have no idea why I even decided to stay here,” I say finally. “I mean, Magnus basically kidnapped me and the only way back is with some key I can’t get my hands on and even if I could, I’d still have no idea how to summon a damn portal. Although I’ve been telling myself that I’m going to leave the first opportunity I get, so far I haven’t even bothered to try to find a way back. I guess some part of me was hoping that I’d finally found the place where I belong.”