The silence in the car is both painfully awkward and deafening. The atmosphere in the small compartment is so charged, that I’m finding it hard to breathe, even though the window is fully open.
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I was …I was just pissed and I didn’t mean what I said,” Raph says haltingly, as if apologizing is a foreign concept to him. It probably is.
Once I get over my initial shock, I turn to him. I don’t ask him for an explanation of why he was pissed, because I don’t think I want to know the answer.
“Did that hurt?” I ask instead.
“Did what hurt?” he replies, frowning.
“Apologizing?”
He surprises me by laughing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him genuinely laugh before and it makes him look almost innocent. Almost.
We fall into silence again and I look out at the darkened streets as we pass, once again surprised by how similar everything looks to Earth.
I don’t know what makes me ask the next question. It could be the alcohol in my system or the darkness of the night that makes it feel like it’s safe to bare something.
“Isn’t your girlfriend going to be super pissed that you just walked out on the gig and left her there?”
Raph is silent for a long moment.
“If you mean Layla, then she’ll be fine. There’s plenty of other guys there to keep her entertained … and she’s not my girlfriend anymore. It’s not like that between us.”
I don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean, and I don’t know why I care.
I wait for him to bring up my kiss with Baron, but he doesn’t. I don’t know why I feel disappointed. Of course, he doesn’t even give a shit, because as I have to remind myself, he hates me. This uncharacteristic act of mercy doesn’t change that.
Neither of us speak again until Regency Mount looms on the horizon. The sight reminds me that while there seems to be a temporary cease fire tonight, tomorrow we’ll still be enemies. Still, while we’re still under the cover of the night, I bare another piece of myself.
“Most days I think you’re right, you know.”
I can feel those blue eyes turn to me, burning bright, even in the darkness.
“I don’t belong here.”
“When I saw you in elements class today—what you did … I can’t do anything like that. I don’t have those kinds of powers. I shouldn’t be here. I mean I’ve gone through ten different foster homes, ten different towns and I didn’t belong in any of them. I don’t know why I thought that this place would be any different.”
I look over at Raph and find him gripping the steering wheel so tightly, that his knuckles are turning white.
He closes his eyes for a split second, rubbing his brow in a gesture of frustration.
“Dammit, Jaz,” he lets out a frustrated groan, but says nothing else.
Eventually, I feel my eyes drifting shut and I let myself float into the darkness.
13
“What the hell happened last night?”
Dani’s voice is way too loud in my ear and I hold my cell away from it. My head is pounding with what is definitely a hangover.
I start to explain myself, although I actually have no idea how I got back into my bed. I remember dancing with Baron, kissing Baron, Raph being furious, me walking out of the club, Raph following me, then taking me home.
I think I must have fallen asleep in the car, because I have no recollection of how I got back to my room. Only that I woke up this morning still fully clothed, and tucked into bed. Did Raph do that? The thought of it makes my head spin in confusion, which is the last thing I need, given my hungover state.
“I heard that Raph saw you dancing with Baron and he completely lost his shit, then you and Baron kissed, and he started laying into Baron right in the middle of the club.
“Is that true?”
“Yeah, that happened,” I reply slowly. I didn’t really think of it like that. “Although it was more like him laying into me than Baron.”
“Well, after you left, I saw him and Baron get into a big fight and Raph stormed out, too.”
I feel suddenly guilty. Baron is fun and turns out, he’s an okay guy. He didn’t deserve to get caught up in the middle of what happened last night. Whatever that was. I make a mental note to apologize when I see him next.
“How did you get home?” Dani asks.
“Raph took me home,” I reply and brace myself for Dani’s exclamation of surprise. But the line goes silent. As if she’s so shocked, she can’t even speak.
“Sorry,” Dani says after a moment, “I just fell off my chair and dropped my phone.”
I laugh despite myself.
“But seriously—what the hell? Raph took you home? As in, drove you home in his car? As in, he actually took you home? That makes no sense, isn’t he meant to hate you? So much so, that he’s labeled you an outcast to the entire school?”
I cover my face with my pillow for a second, wanting to smother myself.
“Yeah. It was really weird. What’s even weirder, is that I think I must’ve fallen asleep in the car, because I woke up this morning fully clothed and tucked up in bed, with no idea how I got here.”
“So, what you’re saying is, that Raph carried you to bed and tucked you in?”
Dani is laughing now, but I don’t see the funny side to this. Not at all.
“I knew it. I guessed it from that very first day in the cafeteria.”
“Knew what?” I demand.
Dani just laughs in response.
“Oh, girl, you’re in deep shit.”
I spend the entire day in bed on Saturday, nursing my headache and generally just not willing to face any of the people that I happen to share Sovereign Hall with. I’m avoiding one person in particular, and I’m not sure what scares me more—facing Raph’s usual icy and cruel self, or the uncharacteristically decent guy who took me home last night. The guy who had Raph’s impossibly beautiful face, but who was kind and seemed like he actually cared in a way that was totally at odds with the asshole I had come to know. It’s impossible to believe had I not seen it myself, and I have a feeling that it’s the latter that’s far more dangerous.
By Sunday afternoon, I feel like it’s safe enough to leave my room. I listen to the sounds of people getting ready and leaving and only when I’m sure the halls are empty, do I leave my room and make my way to campus.
I’m armed with a canvas and some paints. I’ve also brought the little metal tin containing the only memories that I’ve ever had worth keeping.
I guess I could’ve stayed in my room to paint, but I’m starting to get cabin fever and I want to check out the art studios ahead of art class on Monday.
The campus grounds are mostly deserted as I head towards the art building on the outskirts. The building is right next to the sports fields and I realize that I’m not the only one on campus today.