“Now, out of my kitchen,” she demands. “Shoo.”
“Come on, Logan. Let’s go see if Superman has used his laser beam eyes on your slow horse!” he taunts and Logan runs after him.
“My horse has kryptonite!”
I laugh and lean against the counter. “Well?” she asks again.
“Yeah, it was good.”
“You and Zachary were together all night?” she pries while trying to pretend she’s barely paying attention.
I could be honest with her. As much as she gossips, she would never betray me. Mama has been on the receiving end of it and never wants that for me. Plus, she knows it’s the fastest way to get me the hell out of here.
“We stayed in our respective camps. Wyatt and Cooper are going to need to knock it off.”
“They want you to be happy.”
I grab a cookie, and she glares at me. Why is it the boys can eat them, but I can’t? “I’m hungry.” I shrug and take a bite. “They can’t force this. Zach hurt me really bad, and I’m still dealing with all my shi-crap.” I catch myself. She has a wooden spoon and her aim is impeccable.
“He loves you. He’s always loved you.”
“I’m not counting my chickens. That’s all.”
She nods while stirring whatever is in the pot. “I see.” I wait for her opinion, but she doesn't say a word.
“That’s all?” I ask in disbelief. That’s never all.
“You’re a smart girl, Presley. I don’t need to tell you things you already know. Now, hand me that rolling pin.”
I place it in her hand, wondering what alternate universe I’ve stepped into. My mother has always made her feelings on the Hennington boys known. She begged me to date other guys, but no one even caught my eye. I believe there are people that you love so deeply they ruin you for anyone. Zach was that.
“Mama?”
“Hmm?” she asks nonchalantly.
“What did you think when I married Todd?”
She puts the crust on the pie, wipes her hand, and takes mine. “I thought you sure were broken.”
“Broken?”
“Yeah, sugar. You didn’t even give yourself any time. You jumped right into lovin’ that boy. You would tell me all the time that he was keeping you together. But you’d cry as soon as you’d mention Zach. I think you made yourself love Todd so that your heart wouldn’t hurt for Zach.” She pauses, allowing me to absorb what she said. “I’m not saying it wasn’t real. But for you to ask me that . . .” Mama tilts her head and busies herself.
I sit on the stool, watching her and thinking about what she said. The girl I was then was weak. I relied on Zach for everything. He was the reason I went to Maine and the reason I fell apart. Angie would tell me to “get over it” but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to get over someone who was half of me.
Then there was Todd. He plugged the holes that Zach left.
“No, it wasn’t the same, but I loved him,” I finally say.
“I don’t doubt that.” She looks up. “I think you grew to love him. Which is why y’all worked. You didn’t have this perfect story twisted up in the center of a tornado. That funnel lifted, leaving you and Zach in its wake. But you and Todd were strong at the base. I wish the good Lord didn’t take him from you. So young.” She shakes her head. “Makes no sense why these things happen.”
I close my eyes and everything inside me tenses. She’s said this a few times, and each time she does, I cringe. It’s not God’s fault. It’s his. “God didn’t take him, Mama,” I say without thinking.
Her gaze lifts as she gives me a curious look. “What do you mean?”
I let out a long breath and decide it’s time to be honest with my mother. “There’s a lot more to this . . . to why we’re here.” How the hell do I say the words? I’m so ashamed and hurt.
She puts the bowl on the counter and comes around the island. “What is it?” Her fingers press under my chin, forcing me to look at her. Her kind eyes take me back to when I was a kid.
Tears fill my eyes to the brim, spilling over as I let the words come. “He took his own life. Todd got us in financial trouble, and he . . . he . . . he chose to leave. God didn’t do this. God didn’t take him. He took himself.”
My heart hammers against my chest as she takes me in her arms. My mother holds me close, and I cling to her. Sometimes a girl needs her mama’s embrace. This is one of those times. I fear the judgment, but it doesn’t come. She gives me all her love and support as I let it out. I feel her chest heave as she cries with me.
After some time, she kisses the top of my head and looks at me with bloodshot eyes. “The boys?”
“They don’t know,” I say immediately. “They can’t know. No one can.” I implore her with my eyes. She needs to keep my secret.
“Okay.” She nods. “Who else knows?”
“Only Angie and Todd’s parents.” I pause. “And Zach.”