"We won't be sisters." Mila said softly.
"We were never going to be sisters." I sighed, tears wanting to well up in my eyes. "Cody doesn't care for me like that. I don't know what his game is. I don't know why he acts jealous and pretends like he cares, but never does anything. I don't know and I don't care anymore. My heart can't take it anymore. I've lost a piece of myself, Mila. I can't explain it, but a piece of my soul has died. A piece of me is forever gone and the more I hope, the more I love, the more I wait, the more I feel myself fading into oblivion, not caring, not dreaming, not wondering, not living."
"You should talk to Cody. Call him back and see what he has to say."
"And tell him what?" I sighed. "It's not his problem. You can't blame someone for not loving you. I don’t need to have another conversation with him. I’m sure he feels bad. I’m sure he wishes that he could love me. I know he cares about me. I know he wants me in his life, but I want more than sex. I want more than a good friend. I want a man that would die for me. I want a man that feels my pain. I want a man that can feel my heart. I want a man that loves me so much that he can’t go a day without seeing or talking to me. I want a man that adores me so much that he thinks the sun rises and sets with me. I want a man who thinks about first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I want a man that would take my last breath for me. I don’t want a man that makes me feel like I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m the walking dead, Mila. I feel like I can’t even go on another day like this."
"I wish I could slap him." Mila mumbled and I could hear tears falling from her eyes.
"Why are you crying?" I asked her softly, feeling myself wanting to cry as well.
"Because you're in so much pain and I can feel it." She sobbed and I could hear the tears running faster now. "I don't want to lose you, Sally. And I don't want you to lose yourself either. I feel like my brother has changed you, torn you down, and now you're trembling like a flower in a brisk wind."
"Oh Mila." I grabbed my phone tightly. "I don't even know what to say."
"You don't have to be strong now, Sally." Mila’s voice became strong. "You can cry. You can cry and sob and hug me tight any day of the week. I'm here for you. I love you. You're my best friend. You're my soul mate. I will always be here for you."
"Oh Mila." I started crying. "I wish you were here right now. You don't even know how I feel right now." My tears started falling like raindrops in a thunderstorm, heavy and dark and I could feel my nose running as well. I could hear Mila crying and then I started crying even harder. It was like I could finally let it all out. All the pain and hurt and confusion. All the dreams and hopes. I was letting them all go. And perhaps that was the hardest thing of all. It was easy to hope that things would change. It hurt, but there was always a beckoning light at the end of the tunnel, but now, now there was nothing. Giving up all hope and letting go of Cody was the end. It was the end of every childish dream I’d ever had about the two of us. It was the end of my one true love fantasy. It was the end of my lifelong quest to end up with my soul mate. Cody and I were never going to be. We were never going to get married and sing songs to our children. He was never going to wake me up in the morning gazing adoringly in my eyes and whispering he loved me. We were never going to grow old together and tell each other stories about our joint past. We were never going to anything. There was never going to be an us. That killed me. Knowing that made me die a million deaths, but inside I could also feel a little flower blooming. A flower that was ready to bloom under another sun. A flower that was ready for some happiness and no more pain. A flower that was ready for the dawn of a new day.
* * *
“Why won’t you talk to me, Sally?” Cody stood on my doorstep and I felt like I wanted to pass out. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head. “What are you doing here?”
“You’re not answering my calls. My emails. I sent you some messages on Facebook. I texted you.” His eyes searched mine. “You haven’t responded to anything.”
“What do you care?” I said bitterly. “It’s not like you always respond. I just didn’t get around to it yet.”
“You always respond.” He said, his face unsure and red. “You don’t ignore me.”
“What do you want, Cody?” I stood at the door, just waiting for him to leave. I didn’t want to talk to him. Just seeing him was breaking my heart. I didn’t want to deal with this.
“Can I come in?”
“Why?” I took a deep breath. “I just don’t have much time right now.”
“I thought we were friends.” He said softly.
“Yeah, we are.” I nodded.
“Once you called me your best friend.” He said with a small smile. “Remember?”
“We all say things we don’t mean.” I shrugged.