“I don’t know.” I said softly, not sure how to answer. “Maybe? I don’t know. I’ve never really thought it.”
“You’re selfish Cody. You’re really really selfish.” Mila sounded pissed. “You know in your heart of hearts why Sally is upset. You know what’s going on, but you don’t want to acknowledge it. You don’t want to be anymore uncomfortable than you have to be. You think you can just sleep with girls and lead them on and just do what you want without any emotional entanglements? You think people don’t have feelings? You think you can pull and tug at the heartstrings and not have any repercussions? You think you can become close to someone and just be in some weird friend zone where you fuck forever? That’s all you’re comfortable with. And God knows why you’re so scared of relationships? I don’t get it. I don’t get you. You can’t just play people like this Cody. You can’t just pretend ignorance. You can’t call the girl crazy. You can’t make it seem like you’re an innocent bystander in all of this. It’s not fair and it’s not right. You need to grow up. You need to look a little deeper. You need to stop being so bloody selfish and think about how others might be thinking and what your actions and words might be doing. Think about someone else’s feelings for once and act based upon that. Stop acting and doing things because you’re a jealous little boy that doesn’t want to share his toys.”
“Anything else?” I said, processing what she’d said to me in shock.
“Yeah, figure it out soon.” She snapped. “Get it together, Cody, please just get it together.” And then I heard the phone slamming down. I dropped my phone onto my couch and sat back and tried to think about everything had just said to me. She’d been harsh, but maybe she’d also been partially right? Was I being selfish? And if I was, what did that mean? Where did I go from here? What did I want? What did Sally want? And would I ever be able to figure it out?
* * *
Three days, that was how long it took me to call her. I thought that maybe she’d call me or text me to apologize, but of course she didn’t. I wasn’t even really sure why I thought she would. It wasn’t like she seemed to even care about me anymore. I missed the days when she would text me randomly throughout the day. I’d grown so accustomed to her random texts that I hadn’t realized how much they meant to me, until now. And now that they’d stopped, I would have given anything to just get one. At least then I knew she was thinking about me. If even, for just a few seconds. She crossed my mind every moment of the day and I had no idea if she even thought of me at all.
The first time I called, it rang three times and went to voicemail. I wasn’t sure if that meant that it had just gone to voicemail by itself or if she had sent me to voicemail. I was hoping it was the former, so I ended up calling her her a second time just a few minutes later. Maybe her phone hadn’t rung or maybe it had been off. Maybe she’d even been trying to call me at the same time. This time the phone rang two times and went to voicemail and I frowned. Either her phone wasn’t working properly or she was sending me to voicemail. I’d call her one last time and then I’d leave a voicemail. The third time I rang, it didn’t even ring once. It went straight to voicemail. I gripped the phone and hung up angrily. Had she turned her phone off or was her phone broken? I knew it was highly unlikely that her phone was broken, but I wasn’t sure why she would turn her phone off. Were my calls really that annoying? I looked down at the phone and called her again a fourth time. Once again, it went straight to voicemail. I hung up. And called again. Voicemail. I dropped the phone on the couch, walked to the kitchen, grabbed some water and took a few deep breaths and walked back to my phone. I grabbed my phone, looked at the screen to see if I had any missed calls or missed text messages and sighed when I saw none. I pressed redial on her number and frowned as it went straight to voicemail again.