Cody
“So how was your third date with, Luke?” Mila asked Sally and I felt my stomach curdle involuntarily. I looked at Sally’s face, a grin plastered on mine, but inside I wasn’t feeling like smiling. I watched as Sally giggled nervously and as her eyes looked into mine, I could see a flush on her face. I could tell she’d had fun and that made me mad. Not that that was the only reason why I was feeling pissed. Sally hadn’t responded to any of my texts or Facebook messages since the day we’d made love and it was driving me crazy not knowing what she was thinking or doing. Or how her date with Luke had gone. Now I knew it had gone well, seeing as Mila was talking about three dates. Three dates in two weeks? What the hell? Was the guy eager or what? I could feel my stomach churning as I wondered if they’d kissed or made love. Was that why she hadn’t messaged me back? Had she already moved on? I sat there trying to pretend that I didn’t want to ask Mila to leave the room. I was lucky to even have gotten an invite to hang out, seeing as it seemed like Sally was trying to avoid me.
“It was fun, thanks.” She said simply, her eyes on Mila. She still had barely looked at me and it was infuriating me. Was she going to continue ignoring me?
“What did you guys do? Did he kiss you yet?” Mila asked eagerly and I wanted to tell her to shut up. I didn’t want to hear about Sally’s date. Who cared? I guessed the feeling in my stomach that told me that some part of me cared. And that made me mad. I didn’t care about the dates. I more cared that she was upset at me. Sally wasn’t what I wanted. She was a great-girl, but I didn’t love her and I didn’t want to spend my life with her. To be fair, I couldn’t see myself spending my life with anyone. I ignored the voice in me that was telling me that I was lying to myself. I just couldn’t let myself get into this situation. I wasn’t sure what I was thinking or feeling anymore. I just knew that I was starting to feel like I was going crazy and that I couldn’t get Sally out of my mind and I just wasn’t sure why. I should be happy that she was dating someone she liked. I should be happy that she was finding love because I sure as her couldn’t give her that. We just weren’t compatible in that regard. And to pretend otherwise just wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to her and Mila would kill me if I continued to push things knowing that. I could ignore the small pangs of annoyance and pain that befell me when Sally talked about men. I would just have to get over it. I mean she deserved a good guy. Deserved a man that wanted what she wanted. The truth was I was still attracted to other women, even though I was attracted to Sally.
Even though there were times I looked at Sally and my heart skipped not one but two beats. Sometimes, I didn’t want to walk away from her, sometimes I could just drown in her eyes. Sometimes, I just wanted to reach out and touch her cheek or brush a hair away from her face. Sometimes I just wanted to hold her hand. When her face looked sad or when I heard uncertainty in her voice. I just wanted to tell her that she could talk to me. I wanted to tell her that there was nothing she couldn’t share with me. And more recently, I hadn’t been able to sleep without thinking of her and checking her Facebook page to see if I could find out what she was doing. I checked my phone umpteen times a day to see if she’d texted me back. I wanted to know what she was thinking. If she was mad. I had knots in my stomach. And I hated it. I hated this feeling of uncertainty. I hated not knowing why I felt this way. I hated thinking about her with Luke.