When I’m done, I lean against the opposite wall, exhausted with nothing left to give, just like when I walked away from my previous life. The gravity of the situation hits me hard. I’m pregnant with Alexander’s baby. Something I don’t think he wants as his words come hissing back. I’d not wish this life on anyone.
The tears come hard and fast, my body wracked with fear—fear of the unknown, fear of disappointing my family, fear of what my life will become if I don’t finish school, fear of Alexander’s reaction, and the worst of fears—fear of failing this child.
I refuse to fail this baby. Pushing up off the floor, I brush my teeth, splash cool water against face, and look at myself in the mirror. Really look at myself. This is it. This is who I am, in ugly and beautiful times, but throughout it all I’m the woman Alexander Kingwood IV loves and cherishes. I’m Sara Jane Grayson. I hold my chin up. I’m the mother of Alexander V, and this child will be raised in a house built on love. I’ll make sure of it.
I know what I need to do. I know what I want to do. I’ve never felt surer about anything in my life. I’m going to end the nightmare I’ve been living and create the happily ever after I deserve.
If you come back, it’s for good.
It’s time I return home. For good. It’s time I return to Alexander. Forever.
My stuff doesn’t take more than ten minutes to pack up. As predicted, I fit most of it in a sack. I load it into the trunk and do one last walk-through before leaving. After locking the room, I drop the key off at the vacant front desk, and then walk to the store. I push the door open and walk straight for the register. Jason’s feet are up on the counter, but he quickly stands. I don’t give him a chance to say hi or make a funny quip like he usually does. I just say what I need him to know, “I’m happy. Despite the puffy eyes and dried tears, I’m happy.”
“That’s good. I’m glad,” he replies with his hands in his pockets. “But why are you telling me this?”
“Because if anything ever happens to me, I don’t want you wondering if I made the right choice. There are no other choices. There’s only him for me, and now this baby.” I release a breath. “I’m leaving.”
“I figured.” He looks out the dust-covered windows. “A motel’s no place to raise a kid.”
“Neither is a manor.”
“Huh?”
“Nothing.”
When he looks back to me, a small grin shows up. There’s also a sense of relief found in his expression. “I’m happy you’re happy. I wish we could all be so sure of ourselves.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I think I’ll stick around a while longer. There’s this new waitress down at Growly’s.”
I laugh, albeit lightly. “Good luck, Jason.”
“Have a great life, Alice.”
Turning to leave, I pause to soak in his words. When I look at him again, the words come so readily and with ease, “I will.” I push open the door, the chime I’ve become so familiar with rings one last time, and I turn back. “I hope you find your own happiness one day.”
He chuckles. “You and me both.”
Nothing more is needed, so I walk away and cross over to the diner for one last goodbye and maybe something to eat on the road. Della meets me at the door with a big hug and congratulatory greetings. “How did you know?” I ask while we walk to the end of the counter.
“Eh, I’m an old hand at this. Did you come to say goodbye?”
“I did. I’m sorry I’m leaving you one waitress down.”
“Don’t be. You’ve got more important things on your mind than the pie of the day. I’ll miss you, but I can see by the look in your eyes that this is right.”
“I feel it in my bones.”
“Well, let’s not drag this out. I’m sure you want to get to wherever you’re going before dark.” She grabs a sandwich from a plate ready to go out to a customer and wraps it in foil. On the way to the back, she calls out for the order to be replaced by the cook. I laugh, knowing I’ll miss her spunkiness. When she returns, she hands me a bag. “I’ve stuck a piece of your favorite pie in there too. Put on some weight for that baby.”
I don’t take the bag. I hug her first, hard. “Thank you for giving me a job and for everything else.”
“You’re welcome, honey. Now go get that man I keep hearing caused quite the commotion when he was here.” Uproar. Yep, that would be Alexander all right.
“Take care, Della.”
“You too, Alice.” She winks and hands me the bag. They all know it’s not my name, but not one of them ever said any different. While walking to the car, I look both ways across the empty highway and breathe deeply, my lungs and mind finding peace at last. I’ve never regretted being here. I needed this place. I needed these people. The angry waters that raged inside me are calmer because of it, because of them. The good in these people will stay with me long after I’ve gone.
A smile full of pride. I did it. I stood on my own two feet for the first time. I put myself first and found what I’m really made of. I am strong. It’s not a mantra. It’s the truth. My smile grows when I realize what I can do once I’m home and have everything I already need and more at my disposal.
I’m ready to go home.
I’m ready to take my throne.
I’m ready to be queen to Alexander’s king.
27
Sara Jane
The drive is dragging. Two hours in, and I’m too anxious to be patient. A million emotions have played through my head. No matter how the reunion with Alexander plays out, I always come back to the fact that he wants me. He has made himself clear for what feels like my whole life. And I know he’ll want this baby. Our love made something bigger than us, bigger than any of our problems or bad dreams. This baby is a brand new beginning for us, one that will come with a life full of love, laughter, and happiness.
Thirty minutes until I see him. I try to decide if I should go to the penthouse or the manor. With no phone, I can’t call to find out where Alexander is. My body shivers with giddiness I’m so excited to see him, to tell him everything.
Releasing the fears that have been dragging me down, I take the exit that leads to the manor. New beginnings. Checking my appearance in the rearview mirror, I’m briefly distracted by a blue sedan tailgating me. I pull to the side, straddling the line to allow the car to overtake me on this two-lane road. When the car passes, I look over. Hate-filled eyes stare back, and I slam on my brakes in response, alarms ringing in my ears. Red flags are raised along with the hairs on my arm. I slowly pull back into the lane and keep my distance as the other car speeds ahead.