My eyes focus on her wide, worried eyes. Her expression breaks what’s left of my heart. Reaching out, I brush the pads of my thumbs over her cheeks, hoping to make the lines level out.
The mixture of loud voices and movement behind me drags my attention away from my sweet Firefly. But it’s not just my world that’s changed. All of ours have changed, forever more. Not sure what happened in the time my mind went numb, but when I scope out the scene behind me, April is crying and Cruise is holding the gun we bought after the attack last night. He’s pointing it right at my father, but his hand is steady, and I know his mind is focused, unlike mine. The standoff is amplified when my father stands strong, like a fool. We all watch as he reaches into the cabinet next to him and pulls his own weapon. My instincts kick in, and I shield Sara Jane instantly with my body. I won’t just die for her. I will go to hell to protect her without a second thought of my own ending. I tell her, “Get down.”
She slips under the desk behind me and both of my arms go wide, trying to stop the catastrophe playing out. “Get out, April,” I say. “Cruise, lower your gun.” He doesn’t. I understand under the circumstances. When I look at my father, I see the change—the fear in his eyes, the concern covering his expression. Looking at me, it’s for me, concern for me. “Father, don’t do this.”
“She’s a junkie, son. She lies for drugs. She does anything, says anything to get her next hit.” He wipes his brow on the sleeve of his jacket. “She wouldn’t leave us alone. Your sweet mother was so good to her, and look what she does. She fills your head with lies.”
April says, “I’m not lying, Alex. You can’t deny how much we look alike.”
My father shouts, “Shut up, you lying bitch!”
Cruise’s arms are solid, but he still asks, “What do I do, King?”
“Lower your gun.” Turning to my father, I say, “Dad, lower your gun.”
April drops to her knees, letting the floor take the blunt blow as she sobs. “I’m not lying. He ruined my life. He’s lying.”
When she looks up again, our eyes meet and in that moment, I see her. I see the truth running through her pained face and pleading in her eyes. “Oh my God, you’re telling the truth.” Betrayal rushes my veins and I turn in disgust to see the man who claims to care about me. “Is she my mother?”
“He took you from me,” April cries, “right out of my arms. They cut me open to save you. I couldn’t move. He took you from me and left me there to die. I’ve been dying every day since. But this is my redemption. This is yours. I’m the one who gave birth to you. You are my son.”
My father refuses to look at me, so I say it louder, “You did this. You did this as if this would never come to light.” My voice rages like my emotions. “Admit it!”
Something miraculous happens. My father shows real emotion. For the first time in history, I wish I could read his mind, but I think what I’m seeing is his heartbreak, his pain, and his loss over my mother’s death. And possibly, his failures with me. “I did everything for your mother. She wanted a child so desperately. I could give her anything she wanted in the world, but that’s all she wanted. Son, you’ve got to understand. I loved her.”
“More than yourself? Because that would be deep love.”
“I loved her more than anything.” He’s forgotten what love means. “I failed your mother when I couldn’t protect her from this bitch.” His gun lowers, but wags in April’s direction. “I met her when I’d drank too much. She made me feel powerful, not like the failure I did at home, but it was nothing. She was nothing to me. One time and my shame would live with me forever. My shame would not just hate me, but survive me and live on.” He cheated on Mom?
I stand with my arms hanging down, my life sinking to a new low. “Your shame lived on through me. You made me feel like nothing, nothing worth your time or love.”
“No. That’s not true. She was bringing my shame to life, to taunt the woman I loved. I begged her not to go through with it.”
I scrub my face. “Have I ever meant anything to you?” The defeat I feel seeps through my blood and I lean back on the desk for support. I can’t process that my life has been a sham. “My mother was an angel. She had so much love to give and showed me how to give it. I never felt worthy because I was your son, but I knew I was redeemable because I was her son. Who the fuck am I now?” My disgust seeps out. “You are the cause of her death. I know you’re a part of it, the cause of it, and I will spend my life proving it. You’re going down for what you did to April, but you’ll rot in a jail cell for what you did to my mother and for touching my girlfriend.” I take my phone from my pocket and flick it on to call the cops. “You’re going to pay for everything you’ve done—with your company and with your life.”
“No,” he pleads. “I gave your mother everything she wanted. Let me explain. We’d just foun—”
“There’s no explaining your way out of this. Say goodbye to your life.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, his body losing the fight and his shoulders sagging in response. “I love you.”
The explosion causes me to drop to the floor, my body covering Sara Jane. Her scream penetrates the silence of the aftermath. I hold her shaking body as tightly as I can. My eyes open when I hear Cruise yell, “Holy fuck.”
Daring to look, Cruise shoves the gun in the back of his pants, looks down, and rubs his temples. “Shit, King.”
April is a mess on the floor, so he leans down to help her up. I survey behind me. Blood is everywhere from the window to the floor, the bottom of my pants and some on my shoes. My father’s lifeless body flat on his back—eyes closed tight in the last emotion he ever experienced—fear. He fucking shot himself. The coward. Turning back to Sara Jane, I whisper, “I want you out of here.”
“Alexander. Alexander. He’s dead?” she asks, crying.
“Yes.” I shift to my knees and look over my shoulder. Fucking hell. When the reality of what just happened hits, it’s going to hit hard. But for now, I need to get her somewhere else, somewhere safe. “Don’t look anywhere but at the exit. Keep your eyes forward, Firefly. Okay?”
“All right.” I help her to her feet. When she’s standing steady, I wrap my arm around her waist, but she sees the blood on the floor and gasps. “Oh my God, Alexander. We need to call nine-one-one.”
“I will, but he’s dead. They can’t save him. Just keep moving.”
Cruise has April sitting at his cubicle when we round the corner. I walk Sara Jane to mine and set her in my chair. Bending down, I spin her toward me, holding her by the knees. “Look at me. Look at my eyes, Sara Jane.” Her hands cover mine, and she nods. “Good.” When I know I have her full attention, I tell her, “Stay here. Right here. Don’t move until I come for you. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” She sees me glance to April, but her tears dry and my strong, sweet girl comes back to me. “I’ll help her. You go.”
“You sure?”