My body bristles. “No, you can’t do this. Alexander, you and Cruise are not the police, and it’s not safe.” I sigh. I can see the resolve in his eyes. His mind is already made up. “Why would he tell you this? I have a feeling it’s not out of the kindness of his heart.”
“Money. It always comes back to money. If his information pans out, I’ll give him ten thousand.”
“There’s nothing worse than a person with money and a vendetta.”
“Actually, there are lots of things that are worse than being rich.”
“You can’t justify this vigilante behavior to me. You’re going to get yourself killed and where does that leave me? Alone and broken-hearted. That’s where.”
His eyes shift past me. “This is why I tried to protect you.”
“You mean keep it from me. Don’t be like your father. You’re better than him, Alexander. You’re better.”
“I never promised it would be pretty or normal. I can’t give you that ‘normal’ you want so badly. I can’t give that to you. I can’t even promise you tomorrow.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“That’s why I told you to walk away. To leave me.”
“You say that as if I can, as if I could ever walk away from you. I didn’t the day I met you, and now I’m three lifetimes buried in too deep.” I go to him, not able to keep from touching him any longer.
“I’m a selfish bastard when you deserve a generous soul.”
“You are my soul.”
Fingers tentatively touch, his hold tightening around me with each passing second that ticks like hours. “I’ll never be that guy who works a nine-to-five and home for dinner by six. Kids. God, Firefly, I’d suck at being a dad. I’m so fucking screwed up. I’m willing to put my life at risk. I’ve put yours at risk to settle the anger inside me, an anger that may never subside. But most of all, I worry I’m like my father. You deserve better.”
Cupping his face, I force him to look at me. “But what if you’re like your mother? What if I can love you enough to make you forget the anger? What if you can sleep through the night, wake up to me every morning? What if you’re the only one I want to be with?”
“Then I’m sorry I ever looked your way. I’m sorry for following you and parking, for making you cross paths with me, for kissing you that first time and not being able to stop myself every time after. I’m sorry I fell in love with you, but I’m more sorry that you fell in love with me, because there’s no happy ending to this fairy tale. There’s only a means to an end. When that ending comes, you’ll be the only one I’ll ever regret meeting.”
“Don’t say that, Alexander.” His words cut deep, tears falling from my eyes.
“It’s true. Without me following my heart, my stupid fucking emotions that day, you could have had a happy life. But you see, I’m a Kingwood through and through, and being a Kingwood means I’m a bastard bent on going to hell and you’re going to pay the price for it.”
The side he’s been hiding from me was always there, our world revolving around it when my eyes were closed. I didn’t need to fix him. He’s not broken in ways that need bandages. But with my eyes wide open, I know what I need to do. I need to love him. Fully. Without reservation or judgment. I need to accept what he’s shown me, what he’s tried to tell me all along.
I am strong.
I am strong enough to love him.
And I will as if I was born for the job.
Looking at him—his jaw tense, his eyes grayer in his honesty, his heart exposed to me in ways that scare him. He’s stunning in his agony, beautiful in his strength, and confident in his love for me. This is the man I fell in love with. Knowing if I go now and leave, this lion of a man would be brought to his knees—the power is intoxicating. This is what he’s trained me for—to be the woman strong enough to love him.
“Our relationship may not have been the easiest route to take in life, but it’s the only one worth traveling. So bring on your darkness, weigh me down with your burdens, but don’t assume I’m that same little girl you met years ago. I’m a woman, and I can handle the truth. I can handle your secrets and I’ll keep them safe, but if you lie to me, you’ll be the one paying the price.”
A brighter blue returns when a spark of light reflects in his eyes. A lustful smile rolls across his lips, and he leans forward. “Do you know how amazing you are?”
His gravitational pull draws me in. I move closer, brushing my lips against his but not kissing them. My tongue dips out, and I run it along the light stubble that dusts his jaw. When I reach his ear, I tug his earlobe between my teeth and bite just hard enough to elicit a reaction. “We’re more amazing together.”
His breathing deepens, his fingers flexing around my hip. “Don’t tease, Firefly.”
“I never tease.” I slip out of his reach and walk to the couch, putting distance between us. “I can’t live in a web of lies. I’ll only stay on one condition.”
With eyebrows raised, his gaze softens in curiosity. “From tears to negotiations. You’re not that little girl anymore. You grew up when I wasn’t looking.”
“Should have paid more attention.”
“I guess so.” His lips quirk up on the right side. “What is your condition?”
I lean back and rest on the arm of the couch. “If you confide in anyone, you confide in me. If you make a major decision, you discuss it with me first. I’m in this relationship, but I’ll only stay if I’m an equal in your eyes.”
“Will you never understand? You were never an equal. You have always been more. You are everything.” Walking to me, he settles between my legs, his hands rubbing the outside of my thighs. “After all we’ve been through, you’re choosing to stay. Why?”
I slide my hands around his middle and pull him closer. “Because you’re a part of me, and I’m a part of you. There’s not one without the other.”
Kneeling before me, the hem of my dress slides up. He pushes my legs apart and kisses my inner thighs. “Say it again.”
Hot air coats me, and I repeat, “You’re a part of me, and I’m a part you. There’s no me without you and no you without me. There never will be.” My head falls back and my eyes fall closed. My breath deepens and my chest rises. “Bring on your troubles and lay your darkness down. I’ll take it all if it means I get you.”
“You have me, Firefly. You will always have me.”
Because, love is risky.
And it’s worth it.
12
Alexander
It wasn’t her stubbornness, though I found that intriguing in the most devious of ways. It was the change I saw in Sara Jane, the one I knew was deep inside her all along, waiting to be born, that reaffirmed what I knew the moment I saw her.
Meeting her at my lowest was something I should feel bad about. It didn’t matter though. For whatever reason, she chose to love me. What she didn’t realize was I loved her long before we met. My soul was seeking something deeper, something pure, something it could twist within, molding it to mine. There stood my sweet angel, her halo straight and beaming, a guiding light calling me to her. Her innocence was mine for the taking, and I took.
And took.