“For us.”
The grip on my purse loosens and it falls to the ground. Alexander’s quick, his hand reaching it just as mine does. We stay there, eye to eye, my breath becoming his and his becoming mine, and then he whispers, “I love you, Firefly.” Mesmerized by the sincerity that fills him, I start to speak, but he beats me to it, “Now leave and never come back.”
We stand slowly, our hands still touching. Our eyes confined to each other’s. With no argument left to give, I take my purse, and he lets go. I turn for the door, and once again, allow him to let me go. Three years. For this. To be pushed away in the name of love. “I love you, Firefly.”
Tears don’t come this time, anger and shock too potent to let the weaker emotion in. The party carries on, the music playing as a backdrop to the gossip and deals. Even the white glow of candles and flowers filling the room don’t mute the ominous dark walls that harbor more buried secrets. I turn back to see him one last time, but Alexander’s gone, as if he were a dream all along.
This huge house is filled with haunting memories and sin that wants my soul. My hands begin to shake, an early winter filling my veins, but I dismiss the eeriness. I know better. I know Alexander, and he loves me. That’s why he tries so hard to protect me. What he doesn’t realize is that I will sell my soul on the altar of this manor if I have the chance to stand by his side.
No matter how hard the Kingwoods attempt to scare me away, Alexander is worth the fight. His father may be long gone to the manor and his grief, but I won’t let him drag Alexander down with him.
I turn in a circle looking for any sign of him, but none is found. Rushing across the room, I step up the staircase for a better view. That’s when I see him just before he disappears down a hall. I hurry, working my way through the guests and down that same path. But when I arrive to where I think he disappeared, I’m alone with extravagant rugs and expensive looking artwork hung meticulously on the walls. “Alexander?” Slowly, I start walking down the long corridor, looking and listening, for any sign of him.
The party fades as I step deeper into the hollows of the mansion. Then I stop when I hear Alexander: “And if I refuse?”
“Don’t be daft, Alex. This benefits you as well as me.” The hairs on my arm stand when his father speaks.
I move closer until I’m next to an intricately carved wooden door with a large brass lion knocker centered in the middle. I’ve never been to this part of Kingwood Manor, always too scared to explore on my own. I have no idea what lies beyond it, but my guess is an office by the sounds coming from inside.
Alexander says, “I won’t sign.”
“You will. You have no choice.”
“Seems I have all the choices.”
“Not if I cut you off.”
“I have my own money.”
“What about Ms. Grayson?” I lean closer when his father says my name, his tone disconcerting even and controlled. “She’s perfect, Alex. You did well, son.”
You did well.
She’s perfect.
You did well.
11
Sara Jane
Silence penetrates the thick wood dividing me from them—the Kingwoods. I steady myself, my hand against the wall.
“You did well.”
I feel dirty.
I feel used.
I feel . . . I’m not sure what I feel. Was it a plot, a ploy all along to lure me in and then what? What was the plan for me? Pushing off the wall, I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, even if they were talking about me. My feet are moving. I need to get out of here, get air that’s not polluted with their contemptuous secrets and destructive lies. What did Mr. Kingwood mean? Alexander warned me—he said I fell into his father’s trap. Did I? Were they in this together? That has to be one of the most ridiculous thoughts I’ve ever had. Surely. Three years is a long time to play some sort of game. There has to be a logical explanation, but I’m just hurting and need to clear my head. I hate that I don’t really know where I stand.
Weaving back through the party, I restrain my emotions, something I should have done years ago. Just as I pass the staircase, I’m grabbed, hand over mouth, and swung around into a dark corner. I know who it is without seeing him. I know the feel of his body against mine, his scent as it fills my lungs, the taste of his skin against my lips, and his voice as he whispers, “So beautifully stubborn.”
“Let go of me.”
“No.”
“Damn you.”
“I was damned the day I was born.”
“This isn’t funny, Alexander. Let go of me.”
“We should talk.”
“Go talk to your girlfriend outside.”
The laughter bellows deep and loud, echoing unabashedly. “Like I said, we should talk.” Alexander whips in front of me, leans down until he’s eye level, and says, “Let’s go to my bedroom.”
My body battles between the adrenaline I’m feeling and the heartbreak from overhearing a conversation I was never supposed to hear. “A few minutes ago, you told me to leave and never come back. Now you want me to go to your room to talk? Which is it, Alexander?”
Taking my hand and holding it so tight I can’t free myself, he starts walking with a cocky smirk set on his face.
I tug. “Let go of me, Alexander.”
“No. We’re going upstairs, and we’re going to settle this once and for all.”
“Once and for all?”
He stops, narrowed eyes landing hard on my saddened blues. “Yes.” After taking a breath and releasing it harshly through the air above us, he swallows and shakes his head.
I’ve loved this man for years. I’ve loved him since before he was a man. “Fine. Let’s talk.”
As we wind around back into the party, Alexander raises his chin acknowledging some man and smiling at some woman. I want to claw my way out of this party and hide under my covers. It was warm and cozy there, made me feel safe. The opposite of how I feel here. When we reach his room, the door is shut behind me and we still to the spots where we stand. “You’ve told me to leave countless times over the years, but when I do, you want me to stay. I don’t know what you want from me. I don’t even know what I want anymore, except for the pain of doubt to go away.”
He’s quick and comes to me. Touching my cheek with his free hand, I don’t flinch like I should, like my better judgment tells me to. I turn into it involuntarily as if my fate was sealed long before now. “I want you, Firefly.” The struggles of his heart capture his expression and the different emotions flicker across his handsome face.
“This isn’t healthy for us,” I reply on broken emotions.
“I know I told you to leave and never come back, but I can’t let you go.” Shame falls over him and fills his tall frame. “I haven’t cheated on you, but I tried. I tried to destroy us—”
It’s not tears that come, but a shiver surging my spine, my hands turning to ice. “You tried to destroy us? You tried to cheat on me? What have you done, Alexander?”
“Nothing. I failed. I’ve failed you, and I’ve made that monster proud. Can’t you see I will never be good for you?”