It doesn’t take long to find a parking spot, but it’s not close to the main campus. I park anyway, hoping the walk will give me time to calm my nerves. After hiking up a steep hill, I take a deep breath and let it out before crossing the quad. Alexander. The man I love, the man who wasn’t in his bed this morning when I woke, the man who didn’t bother to text me back, is here. With some girl. Standing too close for my liking. When I approach, Alexander looks up and raises his chin, standing tall when he sees me.
I struggle to keep my jaw from dropping when I see Maya. Her hand is on his chest and she’s laughing. Why? Why is she here and why are they talking? They don’t even know each other. Was it not just yesterday when she saw him for the first time? The coincidence seems a little too uncanny. Did he not connect the dots and realize she is the girl I said had called him cute? He would flip out if I were hanging out with a guy who had shown interest in me the day before.
After the confrontational breakfast with his father, I’m in no mood to fight off her advances when she knows he’s taken. All my twisted emotions from this morning tighten and coil. I’m a viper ready to strike. My eyes meet Maya’s and her hand drops quickly to her side, but when I look at him, Alexander’s eyebrow quirks and his head tilts. He thinks this is funny?
Like the guilty always do, Maya speaks too fast, “Hey, Sara Jane. I’m late for class. Nice talking, Alexander. Maybe I’ll see you around.” She ignores me completely and leaves.
With five feet remaining between Alexander and me, I stop. “We need to talk.”
“Rough morning?” When I scowl, his smile is instantly gone. “Whoa! Settle down.”
“Don’t tell me to settle down, Alexander. I’ve had a shitty morning and then I find you talking to her. What the fuck?”
Anger shapes his eyes as he stares, his body following suit as he closes the gap and leans down so only I can hear him through pursed lips. “Don’t swear at me, Sara Jane. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
There’s a breathable pause though neither of us takes one. My body is stiff under his hands, so he kisses me as if that will change anything. I turn my head, causing his lips to land on my cheek. “Don’t.”
He doesn’t move, except his mouth against my ear. “Don’t you ever turn away from me again.” The threat is whispered but it doesn’t make it less powerful. “Do you understand?” His voice is not one I recognize as the grinding of his teeth is heard.
I push off him, but his grip tightens. “We’re in the middle of campus with dozens of eyes, if not more, potentially watching this exchange.” I tuck my arms between us, keeping him away from me without being obvious. “Let go of me, Alexander.”
I’m released and given a cold, hard glare in exchange. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Where have you been all night?” Everything I’ve ignored, everything that has built up over time is spat in his face.
“Don’t talk to me like I’ve done something wrong.”
“How do I know you haven’t?”
“Because you know me. Better than anyone. You know me, Firefly. I don’t tell you certain things to protect you.”
“From what?” I take a step back. “What are you protecting me from?” His brow bunches in the middle, a more defined line that’s formed in the last two years. “I’ve let you have your secrets. For years, I let everything go and have given you the privacy you’ve wanted. Yet today, you’ve been gone all night, don’t bother to answer any of my text messages, and when I do find you, it’s with another girl’s hands on your body.” Moving closer to him, I touch his chest. His shirt is fisted in my hands and I plead, “Please let me in.”
“If I let you in, I’ll lose you. That’s what happens to people I truly love.”
“Who is after you? Who will hurt me because you care about me? Please, Alexander. I can’t live in the dark any longer.”
He takes my clinging wrists and moves me back until I release his shirt. “You think you’ll find happiness if you know everything, when I know you’ll only find misery.” Stepping away from me, he releases my wrists and they drop to my sides. “I’m not fucking anyone else if that’s what you’re worried about. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“Then why did you let her touch you at all?”
“I wasn’t letting her. She did it right when you showed up. What you didn’t hear was when I told her to not touch me. That I have a girlfriend. That’s the part you missed.”
He turns to leave but doesn’t get five feet before I beg, “Alexander?”
“Sara Jane, you okay?” I look to my left and find Cal from my study group standing nearby.
I turn to him, but my breath catches when I see Alexander in my peripheral storming toward him. Jumping in his path, my body is flung as I hit the wall of muscle. Just as I’m about to hit the ground, I’m caught and my scream lodges in my throat.
Looking up into the intense eyes that caused me so much pain a moment earlier, a small smile tilts the corners of his lips, and he leans down for a kiss, but instead whispers, “I said I would never hurt you.”
“Then let me in.” He sighs, and then shakes his head slowly. Gone is his fa?ade of fury. He’s frustrated, but not with me. It’s as though he’s wavering. How I wish I could read his mind, understand fully the shadows that lurk inside him.
“You’re in. Way deeper than you know, but I guess it’s time you know more.” He lifts me to my feet and glares at Cal. “Carry on with your day. I’ve got this.”
The warning is clear in Alexander’s tone, but Cal asks me, “You sure?”
My throat hurts as much as my heart, but I manage to reply, “I’m sure.” Because we’re both in too deep to walk away now.
And I wouldn’t even if I could.
9
Sara Jane
Looking back over my shoulder, Cruise is standing by the car. Seeing things in a new perspective, it appears like he’s standing guard. Am I paranoid or has my whole world just flipped upside down?
Back in the coffee shop, where I sit, Alexander arrives with a coffee in each hand. After setting them down on the table between us, he sits across from me in a leather wingback and rests his forearms on his legs. “I want to know who killed my mother.”
Caught completely off guard, I ask, “What?”
“I can’t just let a murderer roam the streets. She was killed, and I need to know why and by whom.”
“The newspapers said why.”
“I don’t care what the papers or the media said. It’s lies. It’s a cover-up.”
My heart beats harder, pounding against my ribs, as I stare at the man who’s being eaten alive by his anger. Reaching over, I wrap my hands over his clasped ones and whisper, “Alexander, she was mugged. She tried to fight the attackers, and they shot her.”
His pain is evident when he looks down, that line between his eyebrows prominent. “It wasn’t over a fucking necklace and a wedding ring.” His eyes lift to mine quickly.
“Her jewelry was very valuable.”
“Her life was worth more than fucking jewelry.”
“You’re right. It was, but not to them.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m not saying it to hurt you. I’m saying it because I’ve seen you changing over the years, and I’m not sure I like what you’re becoming.”
He shakes my hands away and sits back, out of my reach. “You can leave then.”