“I think that’s where my parents are. They’re together, but I don’t think they’re happy. I know Mum definitely isn’t.”
“Relationships are weird like that. Most people I know are together out of habit more than anything else. I don’t know many couples who are truly happy.”
“Other than Lucy and Freddy, of course.”
“Lucy and Freddy are an anomaly.” He smiled.
The light was fading fast now, and soon the sky was a different kind of beautiful.
“It’s not even completely dark yet, and you can already see the stars,” I said.
A small gust of wind came from nowhere, and I shivered a little.
“Are you cold?” Rad asked. “Do you want to go back inside?”
“No, let’s stay out here awhile longer. It’s so pretty.”
He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him. I tucked my head into his neck. His skin was warm and inviting. He brushed my hair away from my face, tucking a lock of it behind my ear before placing a tentative kiss on my cheek. I turned toward him, so our faces were only inches apart. “Oh, what the hell,” he said under his breath. And then he kissed me full on the mouth, long and hard. I had read about kisses like this in books. On many nights I had seen them flicker across the TV screen as I watched with detached fascination. But it had never felt this way with Duck. I didn’t know it could be like this.
I let out a sigh when our lips finally parted.
“Holy shit,” Rad breathed. “I can’t believe I just did that.”
I couldn’t believe it either. It was better than anything I could have imagined.
“Do it again,” I said.
Against my better judgment, we stumbled inside, making our way through the alcove and falling onto the bed. Rad wrapped his arms around me and pressed his body into mine. When he kissed me again, I felt like all the bones in my body had liquefied.
“God, Audrey—” He sank his teeth gently into my shoulder, and I felt a violent jolt somewhere below my abdomen.
“Rad,” I murmured, pulling him closer to me.
He tugged at my sweater, pulling it up over my head and kissing his way slowly down my neck. I reached behind my back and fumbled with the clasp of my bra, pulling it free.
“Wow,” said Rad, his eyes pinned to my chest.
“Thanks,” I laughed.
As his hands traveled down my body, I was suddenly aware of every cell and synapse, every electrical current that sparked between them. Every touch, every caress, sent a shiver down my spine. Soon, his hands had found their way to the top button of my jeans when Duck flashed into my mind without warning.
“Rad . . .” I said softly. “Hey, I think we should stop.”
There was a pause.
“Okay,” he said, letting out a deep breath. He pulled away from me gently, lying down flat on his back. I propped myself up on my elbow and kissed him softly on the mouth. “It’s not that I don’t want to, because I really, really do.”
“I know. But your boyfriend—”
“Yeah, and I don’t think either of us is thinking straight at the moment. I don’t want to regret this tomorrow.”
“It’s okay—this isn’t the way I want us to start either.”
I loved the way he said “us.” How strange that, all of a sudden, one little word could make me so certain of my true place in the world.
“What about Claire, the girl you were seeing?” I searched his face. He hadn’t mentioned her since that night, and I never asked.
He shook his head. “It didn’t work out.”
“No?” I tried not to look too pleased. “Why?”
Rad reached up and stroked my hair. “She wasn’t you.”
We kissed again, and my body gravitated toward his like one of those rides at the fun fair where you’re spinning so fast that the motion pins you to the wall.
After a while, I pulled away from him reluctantly, and he let out another deep breath.
“Are you okay?” I asked him.
“Barely,” he winced.
“Is it hurting you?” I teased, my hand resting at the top of his thigh.
“Shut up,” he said, his hand reaching for mine. “I can’t stop thinking about all the things I want to do to you. So just give me a minute.”
“I can always give you a Lexy Robbins.” I put my head down on the pillow and laced his fingers through mine.
“A what?” he laughed.
“Lexy Robbins is a girl I went to school with. She was always preaching to us about her virginity. But apparently, she wasn’t so precious when it came to dealing out hand jobs.”
He laughed again, pressing his face into my hair. “You’re such an idiot.”
We were quiet for a few minutes.
“I’m going to end it with Duck. I want to be with you.”
“Don’t say his name. It drives me insane when you do.”
“I’m sorry.”
My hand was still in his. “I just want you all to myself. I can’t help that.”
I squeezed his hand. “Me too.”
We lay there for a few moments, and he turned to face me.
“Hey,” he said. “I have a confession to make.”
“What is it?”
“Do you know that day we went to the trails and you fell off the horse?”
I grimaced. “Don’t remind me.”
He smiled. “When you were sitting on the sand looking up at me, that’s when I felt it.”
“What?”
“This,” he said, his hand running down the side of my waist. “I had this insane urge to kiss you.”
He pulled me into him, his mouth closing over mine. “I also wanted other things,” he murmured.
“Like?”
His hand rested on my hips, and his eyes looked into mine. “I wanted to go down on you.”
I drew in a deep breath. “Oh—”
“But I also wanted to hold you, tell you stupid jokes, and make you cups of tea. I just got this flash of a life with you, of the two of us together.”
“I want the same things with you. That night at Blues Point, when we agreed to stop seeing each other—that was really hard for me.”
“It feels so long ago,” said Rad, his expression wistful.
“I thought about you a lot during that time. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again, but you were always on my mind.”
“I thought about you too. I would see something funny or cool and think, ‘Audrey would love this.’”
“It’s weird how we met up again, don’t you think? Especially the way it happened.”
“It almost feels predetermined.” He reached over and took my hand again. “There’s so much I want to do with you.”
“We’ll do everything you want.”
“Promise me?”
I nodded. “Cross my heart.”
I woke up the next morning with a head full of screeching bats. My tongue felt like a desert, and my legs were two pillars of wet cement. I struggled to open my eyes as the events of the night before came back to me in flashes.
I sat up slowly in bed, wincing from the effort, and looked around the room. It was empty. “Rad?” I called tentatively, but there was no answer. Then I noticed a note on the side table.
Hey,