I knew the Patriots would probably not pick up my contract, and I’d have to find somewhere else to go, but I was concerned that I just wasn’t healing up fast enough to make a significant move this season.
I wanted to get back as fast as possible, but more and more over the last couple weeks it had occurred to me that it was just as important to give myself the best possible chance at success than it was to come back fast.
I wouldn’t be doing anyone favors if I rushed back now and then played poorly, or got injured again. Well, in either of those cases I’d be doing Oliver Lee a favor, but knowing him he’d just act like it was all meant to happen that way.
I didn’t have anyone to talk to - everyone else at the facility was so busy preparing for the hard push at the end of the season to really pay any attention to me.
Of course I couldn’t talk to Charlotte, not about this. We couldn’t talk about anything anymore, except whether I had had enough to eat. It was sad and infuriating at the same time.
I was sorry about what had happened, but I really didn’t understand why she was bothered that my turnaround had occurred because of Oliver. It just didn’t make any sense to me - why did the reason matter if the effect was the same?
Finally I had had enough. I needed to talk to someone, and the only person I even wanted to talk to, I saw every day, multiple times a day, but she wouldn’t even look me in the eye.
Next time she came in the room, though, I laid down the law.
“We need to talk, Charlotte.”
She looked at me, wary. “Oh so now you’ve managed to find some words for me?”
“Look, I’m sorry about that, I should have found some other way to come to the same realization about you, but this is what I got, and I’m sorry about that. I really don’t think…”
She waved me off. “Is that all? Because I have work to do.” She looked at me expectantly, poised to leave the room as fast as she had come in moments before.
“Will you just give me a chance here?” I was starting to get frustrated - this had been building up for a long time and I had a lot to say, even if I didn’t have the first clue as to what was the right way to say, well, any of it.
She stopped right as she was about to leave the room and turned around. Her face was cloudy, and she looked like she was already reconsidering her changing her mind. I was on thin ice. “Let’s just say for a moment, a very short moment, mind you, that I am listening, or at least considering listening to what you have to say.” She folded her arms under her chest, and not in the sexy way that made me want to look at her boobs, which, let’s face it, I always wanted to do anyway. “Make it good, Parker.”
Ouch, the last name only this time. I knew I was really in trouble. “Gee, thanks for the consideration,” I said, just a little more sarcastically than I wanted to, and Charlotte immediately stiffened.
“I mean,” she started, looking down, “I don’t really have to stay here, you know. I could go check on some things outside. I do have other work to do besides you, you know.”
“Oliver Lee, perhaps?” Shit, shit, shit, stop, Lance, stop. Don’t dig this hole any further than you’ve already gone, put away the shovel. “Wait,” I said as I saw Charlotte reach for the door, venom in her eyes, “Charlotte, don’t go, I’m sorry for that, that was out of line.”
She hesitated, and then turned to face me one more time. “Watch yourself, Parker. See the ground?” She pointed down at the ground, and I looked, then nodded at her. “The thinnest of ice, right here,” she said, emphasizing the thinness of the proverbial ice. “Don’t get cute with me. You and cute are on probation right now.”
I nodded again sharply. “I understand, I’ll do better. Please don’t leave.” Charlotte must have believed in my true sincerity since she took a tentative step back into the room, and I swallowed hard and let myself breathe again.
It pained me to be this vulnerable around someone I cared about. I was used to being the strong guy always in charge, always ready to face whatever was coming, but this time I just couldn’t do it alone, and that scared me more than anything.
I wanted to tell all of this to Charlotte right then, but I just couldn’t figure out the right words to use. “I’m sorry, Charlotte,” I started, “you were right, but at the time I didn’t realize it. I got jealous.”
“Jealous?” She said, clearly intending for me to elaborate. She was definitely intrigued now.
“Yeah, jealous of Oliver. He’s out on the field, he’s winning all these games, there’s talk of him getting the starting job over me, and I’ve basically been stuck in this room for what feels like forever now, and…” I trailed off, leaving the last part unsaid.
Charlotte blinked. “Keep going, Parker, I’m listening. Don’t stop, you’re on a roll.”
“Oliver said some things about you, things I didn’t like. I got angry.”
Charlotte sat down on the chair she usually had next to my bed. “What things did he say about me?”