“OK, OK, shoot.”
I tried to find the right words to say it. “It occurred to me that this change of yours started last week. Right after Oliver Lee came to visit you. And just now, just before I came in and you got all lovey-dovey with me, Oliver Lee was just in here.”
Lance scowled at me, fully awake now. “Charlotte, is there a question somewhere in there? Because I sure as hell can’t find one.”
“Yeah, I’m getting to that. Here it is: Did you suddenly warm up to me just because Oliver Lee intends to take your job, and intends to take me too?”
Lance looked like I had reached out and punched him in the face. “No-no, Charlotte, that’s not it at all.”
I pounced, already livid. “I think it might be, Lance! You spend all these weeks talking all this shit about doing it alone, about getting back on the field, about your rule and how you can’t get close to anyone during the season because it wrecks your focus! And then when Oliver Lee comes in here and threatens, really threatens to take what you want, what you think is yours, suddenly you’re all open to change things up?”
“I know it looks bad, but…”
“I don’t really see how it could look any worse.”
“Let me explain, Charlotte…”
I tapped my foot on the floor. “Please do.”
Watching Lance try to figure out what to say to me right then was one of the toughest things I had ever had to endure. I don’t know if I could really say that I was in love with Lance Parker, or if I was ready to admit to myself that I was, but I could say without a doubt that if this wasn’t love, it was the closest thing I’d ever experienced to it.
But to see him stutter and start and come up with nothing, to flounder around as he tried to explain why he suddenly wanted to be with me, was just the most painful and heartbreaking thing in the world.
I couldn’t let this go on any longer. “You know, what, Lance? Save it, I don’t want to hear it.”
He stopped and just watched me, unsure of what to say next.
“I’ll let you get back to your nap, and I’ll be back in here in a couple hours to check on you. And of course, I’ll do whatever I can do professionally to help you get back on the field and keep your job. But that’s as far as I’ll go.”
Lance stayed silent as I left the room. I leaned against the wall outside, suddenly unsure of myself.
What had I just done?
CHAPTER 15 - LANCE
The next couple weeks were good on the recovery side, but terrible on everything else. I was getting stronger by the day and it looked like I could start practicing again really soon. That was the only good news.
Charlotte barely spoke to me. That was the bad news. She had correctly figured me out even if I hadn’t been able to admit it to myself - I had been scared by Oliver Lee, scared of both losing my job and losing her to him, and it made me lash out, act toward her the way I knew she wanted me to.
It was one of the biggest mistakes I had ever made. Of course we still had to work together, she and I, but all the warmth was instantly gone, replaced by sub-zero formality. She didn’t linger in my room anymore, we didn’t watch the news together, and even if I tried to say something flirty, she’d just narrow her eyes and leave the room as soon as she could.
It was the worst. I hated every second of it. I was counting down the days till I could get out of here. Once I was back on the field maybe I could think about trying to make things up to Charlotte.
It was the hardest thing in the world to admit that I was falling in love with her. I had prided myself my entire life on never needing anyone but my teammates. And now, for the first time in my life, all that camaraderie and brotherhood just wasn’t enough.
Charlotte was bigger than all that to me, and I just didn’t know how to deal with it yet.
The Patriots with Oliver Lee starting at quarterback kept winning games, against the Philadelphia Eagles, Miami Dolphins, and Jacksonville Jaguars. Oliver was on a tear, but those losses in his early games were really coming back to haunt us. It was going to be an uphill battle to make the wildcard spot of the conference playoffs, because this year the other teams were back with a vengeance, eager to take the Patriots down when we were weak.
Thankfully Oliver Lee didn’t come back to gloat. I saw him in meetings, but that was the limit of our interaction. He definitely looked like he was enjoying himself. I heard stories from Hud that he was shacking up with a different girl every night, and all I could do was shake my head.
The season was moving on, and I had to make a decision whether to push even harder and get back on the field this year, or take it easy and try to come back next year.