I hated lying. I’d done it my whole life and each time I did it, it was like I was hurting myself more and more.
“I still don’t buy it,” he said. “When you get to work again, I want you to dig around. Ask questions. See if Marco has tapes from the alley. I’m running my own investigation.”
“Okay,” I said. “I’m off today.”
“What are your plans?”
In that exact moment it was hard to describe how I felt. It was like something twisted so tight inside me, it broke. This was my life. My entire life. From the second I found out my mother had been murdered. In the beginning I thought it was just my father being a good father. But it went beyond that. It was darker. It was like he wanted me to die next. And when he wasn’t acting that way, he was pushing me to find things out about his cases.
“Belle? You there?”
“Yeah, sorry,” I said.
“I asked you a question. What are your plans?”
I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“I’m getting an oil change in my car.”
“Oh. Good. Good for you. Take care of your car.”
My face was red.
It had nothing to do with an oil change.
I was going to see Slam.
thirteen
(slam)
NOW
I finished my cup of coffee as I sat at the table.
Chapel was underway.
Uncle Jakey’s seat was left empty so Knox took the helm.
“Tommy is nothing but a low life user,” Knox said. “We can strike anytime we want. That’s the good. The bad is that he’s gotten himself tied to some powerful people. So we have to be careful how we approach. If we kill him and he’s got debt, it’s going to be our debt.”
“So what do we do?” I asked. “Just let the fucker go then. We’re breaking our own balls for what? I’m out of prison. It was a deal that went south. Chief Richards wanted me, man. That’s the problem.”
“No,” Matteo said. “There needs to be a message sent. A clear fucking message.”
“Whatever,” I said. “Of all the things going on in this town, we’re worried about some drug assholes.”
“What about the other guys?” Liam asked.
“They’re protected,” Knox said. “That would be starting a war.”
I pushed from the table and stood up. “I’ve heard enough. You want my opinion? Let Tommy dig his own grave.”
“Did you really just say that?” Ari asked.
“What? I can’t get to the fucker. I can’t do what I want. If it were me, shoot him up and let him be so high he just fades away. Or we kidnap him and find out all we can about his supplier, bosses, whatever. Or do nothing. I’m tired of talking about it.”
I stormed out of chapel.
It was a big sign of disrespect and would have come with some serious hell if Uncle Jakey had been there.
I got another cup of coffee with no intention of drinking it. I just sat there, smelling it. Dumb shit like that sometimes appeased me. The smell of fresh coffee. The smell of sweet pussy. That kind of thing.
“You need a stiff drink,” Knox said as he approached me.
Chapel had officially broken up.
“Fuck off, brother.”
“Look, I’m just trying to keep our name relevant,” he said. “That deal could hurt us in more than one way.”
“So take my vote of yay for whatever you decide. I have to stay out of trouble.”
“I’m sorry this is hard for you. How’d your revenge project go last night?”
“Slow. But I’ll get her. I’m going to keep myself relevant, goddammit. The name Slam will live on.”
Knox laughed. “You’re a crazy fuck, man. You really know what it means to wear the cut.”
“Of course I fucking do.” I stood up. I looked at Knox. “Go be a husband and a dad. The garage is under control. The clubhouse is safe. Let the guys go out on a ride. Think about this Tommy thing and do it right.”
“What is right?”
“Me putting the bullet in his head,” I said. “You and I both know that. But you want me to be there and watch it? I don’t know about that.”
“I get it, Slam. I’m trying to make sure you’re included. I’m sorry shit went south and dumped on you. I’m VP. I should have been frontline.”
“No,” I said. “I’m frontline. Always. Chief Richards was waiting for me. If he wanted to shit on the club he would have. He’s been arresting me since I was a kid, Knox. Long before I met you. I was a project to him and I fucking refused everything he offered me.”
“Jesus, brother.”
“Yeah. So now it’s my turn to make him my project. His baby girl is going to be mine. I’m going to fuck her so hard that when she looks into his eyes, he’ll know it was me. Trust me, I’m going to break him down.”