I was grateful to see a smile on her face, and we headed to the cafeteria. I felt better after getting some food in my stomach, and I watched her chow down on some pancakes. She munched happily, and I heard her hum softly to herself. I realized how much I missed that sound.
I stood up so I wouldn’t be late for practice. Alyssa looked up at me and, with her mouth full, asked, “Are you leaving?”
“Yeah, I’ve got practice,” I said, turning to leave.
“Wait!”
I turned around and raised my eyebrow. “What?” I asked her expectantly.
“Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow?” she asked, a hopeful smile on her face.
I let out a sigh and said, “Alyssa, this doesn’t change anything. I don’t want to be friends.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand,” she said softly, her voice hollow and sad.
I gestured towards her clothes and said, “You spent hours waiting for me outside my dorm room when I locked myself in. We drive each other crazy, Lys. We have to keep our distance for our own good.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “You have to let it go, Alyssa. You’re my stepsister, and you have to accept that.”
Her eyes watered, and it hurt me. “If that’s what you truly believe, then fine, believe it.” Her tone changed from defensive and angry to soft and knowing. “But I know we will always be more than that, and I think you know it, too.”
I let her words sink in, knowing that a sincere truth lay in them, but I was unable to accept it. I walked away, knowing I wouldn’t be able to handle any more time talking to her. I hurried to practice, filled with a mess of emotions again. Every part of me ached walking away from her, but I was right. We were toxic together, bringing out each other’s worst qualities and recklessly causing each other pain. I knew that I was using this to hide behind my true emotions for Alyssa. She was my stepsister, and we had to start acting like a family, so if hiding behind falsities made it easier to distance my emotions, then maybe that was the best option.
I got to practice ready to run, all of my anger and pain fueling me as I sped across the field. We practiced play after play, and I got lost in the game. We took a break, and I saw Matt talking to the other guys. Blood pounded heavy in my ears as I watched him. The jealousy was overwhelming.
When we were back on the field, my eyes locked on Matt, and as soon as I heard the whistle, I bolted without thinking, aiming for Matt. I tackled him to the ground, our bodies crashing heavily.
He stood up, ripping off his helmet, and let out a roar. “What the hell, Anderson?” he bellowed at me, his face red with rage.
Without speaking, I pushed him to the ground and slammed myself on top of him, shaking him. I lifted my fist to punch him. Our teammates were quick to pull me off him, and I stood there, glaring at him while everyone watched me with concern in their eyes. I pulled my helmet off and headed towards the locker room, running away from the mess I had just created. After showering and changing clothes, I knocked on the coach’s office door.
“Come in,” came a gruff voice, and I entered the room, ready to take a verbal beating.
“Hey, coach,” I greeted, sitting in the chair he gestured to, embarrassed.
“Some kids would get a suspension for that,” Coach said, a warning clear in his voice.
I nodded and let out a defeated sigh. “I know, Coach. I’m sorry. My adrenaline got the best of me.”
He let out a grunt and said, “It’s all right, kid, but this is your final warning. I need my quarterback to stick around, so you better shape up.”
I nodded and said, “You got it.”
I left the office feeling better, relieved he hadn’t decided to take any disciplinary action. I had worked so hard this semester, and I didn’t want to lose everything because of a stupid fight. I knew it would be tough to face Matt and the rest of my teammates later, but we were close, and I had to accept responsibility and apologize like a man.
All of this rage was ruining my life, so I needed to figure out how to fix it, fast. If I continued down this road, I could lose everything. I loved Alyssa, but if I didn’t get over her quickly, I would be doomed by this self-destructive anger. It was going to be tough, but I had to be strong and start taking ownership of my mistakes.
Alyssa
I sat next to Matt, gingerly pressing an ice pack to a bruise on his face. I was horrified when Matt told me about what Blake had done. I was worried about him, but I was even more worried about Blake. He wouldn’t be happy with Matt and me together, I knew, but this was just dangerous.
“He’s a maniac,” Matt spat angrily. “I don’t know how you lived in the same house as him.”
I sighed, dropping the ice pack into my lap. “It’s complicated, Matt. He’s a very intense person. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.”
Matt stood up and snapped, “You didn’t see him, Alyssa. He had a crazy look in his eye. He wanted to hurt me.”
I shook my head. “Matt, sit down, you’re going to be okay. I know he didn’t intend to hurt you, and you guys will make up in no time.”