I sat in silence as the two chatted quietly together, waiting for the professor to arrive. I was grateful when the teacher walked in and class began. I was that much closer to getting out of this hellhole. I sat on the edge of my seat all class, and when he finally dismissed us, I jumped up quickly before Matt or Alyssa could speak to me. I walked back to the dorms, bitter and angry. It is going to be a long semester, I thought.
For the next two weeks, I kept to myself, working extra hard at practice and studying long into the night. I threw myself into my schoolwork and football, trying to lose all of the pain left behind by Alyssa.
At home one evening, she was sitting in front of me on my bed, looking curiously around my room, threatening to bring everything I worked toward crashing to the ground.
“So, what do you want?” I asked. My voice was cool, but my body was tense. I was careful to keep my distance from her.
“I just wanted to talk,” she said simply, standing up from the bed and walking towards my desk.
“I told you I don’t want to talk to you,” I snapped bitterly.
She ignored me and asked, “How is your semester going? I see you studying a lot in the library.”
I bit my tongue and said nothing because I didn’t want to break down in front of her. I wanted more than anything to grab her and shake sense into her. Didn’t she see that we belonged together?
“Blake,” she said, addressing my silence. “I want to talk about us.”
I perked up and looked at her hotly, waiting for her to continue. “You know I loved our time together…” she began, a distant, sad look in her eyes as she spoke.
“I did, too.” Those two weeks were engraved into my soul.
“But I have had such a hard time getting over you.” She looked at the floor. “I think it’s time we start seeing other people.”
“Matt,” I spat at her, and she looked up, surprised.
“Well…uh, yes, I was speaking about Matt. He’s really nice and sweet,” she said hopefully.
A frown formed on my face. I snapped, “So you just came here to tell me you’re going to start fucking one of my teammates?” Alyssa blinked, clearly hurt by my words. I felt bad but couldn’t help it. How could she throw something like that in my face?
“It’s more than that!” she snapped. She took a calming breath. “I think you should consider dating someone, too.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want anyone else.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “I just wanted to get everything out in the open, I guess.”
I watched her stand to leave, but she turned back and walked close to me, taking my hand in hers. Even though it was just a simple touch, I reeled into a mind full of memories of her soft, gentle caresses. She looked up at me with her glassy, blue eyes, and I melted at the sight of her.
“Blake, I miss you. I really want us to be friends,” she said. Her voice was soft and pleading, and I had to give in. It tortured me to see her hurt like this.
“Okay.” I nodded after a moment. “It’ll be better.”
She left then, and part of me left with her. I felt empty.
***
Another two weeks passed, and I was back into my old routine, studying hard and practicing like crazy. Matt and Alyssa had begun to date, and it drove me crazy every time I saw them together. Alyssa claimed she still needed me in her life, but aside from casual conversations in class, I had to keep my distance. I started dating Brittney again, but her shrill, whiney voice didn’t fill the void in any way.
“Blake, will you take me shopping tomorrow?” Brittney asked from across the table, picking delicately at her salad.
“No,” I said coldly, not bothering to give a reason.
“Please? I need a new dress for this weekend,” she whined, batting her thick eyelashes at me and pouting.
“I have practice tomorrow, B,” I said through gritted teeth.
I cut vigorously through my chicken sandwich and devoured it with concentration. I was chewing when I saw Alyssa across the sandwich shop, making her way to our table. I practically choked and quickly gulped some water.
Alyssa beamed at me and said, “Hi, guys!”
Brittney chatted with her for a minute. I stared at Alyssa. Matt walked over, sliding off his apron. “All done, babe,” he said to Alyssa, planting a quick kiss on her lips.
I froze in my seat, anger coursing through me, hot and raging. I hoped the jealousy wasn’t too obvious, and I quickly put on a fake smile. “So you work here?” I asked Matt casually.
Matt began to talk about his job, but I tuned him out, my eyes focused on his arm wrapped tightly around Alyssa’s waist. I was pulled back into the conversation by Brittney, who said, “Does that sound good, baby?”
“Does what sound good?” I asked blankly.
“A double-date with Alyssa and Matt on Friday!” she exclaimed excitedly.
My mouth was dry, and I nodded because everyone had already agreed. A heavy knot formed in my stomach, and I was unsure if I could handle a whole night of Alyssa and Matt without ripping anyone’s head off.