“I’m going to need you to be a big boy, Royal. Can you do that for me?” His voice was warm, and when he grabbed my hand I wanted to lean into him and give him a hug, but mommy told me never to hug strangers.
I nodded my head yes, afraid to talk.
“Good. You’re the man of the house now, which means you need to be a big boy and take care of your mommy? Be good and always listen to her, okay?” His eyes twinkled just as he released my hand from his so that he could stand back up, speaking to my mommy again. I stared in awe of him as he spoke to her. The way he watched her made me think he must have really liked her.
“I love you both, and I promise, I’ll be back soon to take you with me.” I released my hold on my mommy’s dress as I noticed the water that started to fall from her eyes. The man wrapped her in his arms and she clung to him like she didn’t want to let go.
“I love you, too. We will be strong for you,” she reassured him.
That was the last time I ever saw that man.
Up until a few months ago.
“He’s a liar. Nothing but a worthless fucking liar.” I slammed my fist down on the marble vanity in the bathroom as I caught an image of myself in the mirror.
He lied. He lied so fucking much. He promised he’d come back and he never did.
I hated him for it. I hated Viviana. I hated being here. It felt like no matter how hard I tried to adapt to living here, it would never work out.
“Royal?” Noelle’s soothing voice shot through me. Fuck!
There was no way I could let her see me like this, so broken, so worthless not when she was the only thing really worth staying here for. How could I let her see me like this after everything she has already been through? We were both products of fucked up parents. People that didn’t think before having us.
“Please just go away,” I begged. I was so defeated, and I didn’t want to hurt her, not when I wasn’t being myself. I would never be able to live with myself if I ever did, but I knew I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be alone with her right now. I wanted her in ways that I couldn’t have, ways that she most definitely wasn’t ready for, and if she stepped in this bathroom right now I knew I would ravish her. Claim her body, soul, and mind, taking the soft innocence that made her who she was and shattering it. There would be no saving her from the monster that was lurking right beneath the surface.
“No. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care what you say or do. I’m staying right here, right where I belong.” What the hell? Shouldn’t she have been livid with me for the things that I said downstairs.
“I’m no better than her, Noelle, no better than that monster of a mother you have. I’m always one word away from exploding. I’m not a good person. I’m not what you need in your life right now, probably not ever.” I was breaking, separating straight down the middle. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I couldn’t stop the words from coming.
“You… you need to stay away from me. You need to find someone that will treat you like the angel you are. God, you deserve so much more. A man that will take care of you and give you the world. Not a monster always on the verge of destruction.”
I couldn’t even look at my own reflection in the mirror. I didn’t want to see the person I was, or the things that I would do just to be able to forget myself. Moving here was my mother’s idea, and it might have seemed like a good idea to her at the time, but I could guarantee that when she found out what I was about to do, she wouldn’t think that anymore. The boundaries have been drawn in the sand for some time now, and Noelle was pushing those boundaries. Testing the waters as if she was going to jump in head first.
“I’m not leaving.” She was resilient, and it turned me on as much as it pissed me off.
“I’m not like everyone else. I refuse to walk away just because you tell me to, and you’re nothing like my mother, so never compare yourself to something that isn’t comparable.” God, her voice was like salve over a fresh burn wound, melting away the pain with every slick slab of the goop against my flesh.
That thought only reminded me more of everything that I couldn’t have with her. It was then that I heard the sound of the door knob being jiggled, the door opening fully, her image coming into view in the mirror. Her eyes were soft, and I could see just exactly what it was that she was trying to show me. They were filled to the brim with kindness and love. I couldn’t believe after everything she had been through tonight that she was standing behind me, concerned for me of all people, carved deeply into her features.