“I didn’t, but I’m sure glad they sell them. What do people do around here? It’s fucking awkward.”
It really was, that’s why I was sure to be the first one through the door before anyone else showed up that morning. I had never even thought of ordering them online. That was genius, but it still wouldn’t have helped us that night.
“Are you really staying?”
He stopped and looked at me like I was nuts. “Of course I am, if you still want me to.”
“That was before. You know. I didn’t know if you’d want to go home now or not.” I wasn’t proud of asking that, but I’d rather know sooner than later. What if he wanted to go home?
“Hannah, are you serious? I wasn’t just saying those things to have sex with you.”
I felt guilty saying that to him, but in my experience, guys say a lot of things, either just before sex or right after, that may or may not always pan out.
“I was just checking.” Then as an apology I reached up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
Sometimes he was just too good to believe. You know?
“Well, trust me,” he said and put the cooler down on the deck as we got to the sliding back door. “I won’t ever lie to you like that. I won’t manipulate you. And, I’m really sorry, if in the past others have. That’s really wrong. I don’t want you to sleep with me because of something I’ve promised or said I’d do, I want you to be with me because—and only because—it’s what you want. That went for tonight and it goes for every time we have sex—if I should ever get so lucky again.” His face was serious, but kind.
I hoped that whatever we were doing would last a little while, because the more he said things like that, the more I believed him.
We went inside and I used the bathroom to wash up. Our adventure on the boat had been a little messy. What I really wanted was another shower, but decided I’d rather get back to him.
I didn’t want the night to end. Something in my mind always told me I needed to take advantage of the time he was there. Even though, over the past few weeks, whenever I wanted to see him all I had to do was say the words.
But I was realistic and knew it couldn’t last forever.
It was only ten o’clock, but after the boat, I was ready to settle down. Ready to crawl up next to him. Ready to listen to him talk to me as I fell asleep.
I found him sitting on the deck, so I grabbed the blanket off the cooler and wrapped it around my arms. It was still warm, but the breeze was a little stronger and it was cooling off.
I went to sit on the other chair, but stopped when Vaughn said, “No. Please, come here.” He sat back and opened his arms for me, and I couldn’t deny him.
Would I ever get used to him wanting to be close to me? Probably about the time he would change his mind.
Hannah climbed on my lap sideways. It was funny, sometimes she seemed so strong and powerful, and then, in times like that, she seemed so fragile and small. She curled into me, laying her head on my chest, and I stroked her thick, wavy hair, enjoying how she let me care for her.
After a little while of watching the water go by and listening to her breathe, she said, “Vaughn, tell me more stuff about you.”
I thought and thought. There wasn’t that much to tell, but maybe I could kind of explain what I was looking for in Wynne. Why it was important to me.
“When I was a kid, I had a best friend named Pete. He lived close to me and we hung out together a lot. In the summer, I’d go with him to his grandparents’ farm. They lived near a small town just like this one. That might be why I like it so much.”
She lay there quietly as I began speaking about my favorite childhood memories.
”We’d ride our bikes all day and build real tree houses and forts with extra wood his grandpa had around. They had dinner every night at five thirty and went to church every Sunday. We were Catholic—or bad Catholics as my mom used to say—so we rarely went.
“I’m not a really religious guy. I believe what I do, but I always liked going when I was at Pete’s grandparents’. They’d go and then usually everyone would end up at someone’s house and we’d eat and play in town until it got dark.
“I guess that’s what I wanted my life to look like.” She looked up at me and I could see she was listening—really hearing—what I was telling her. Her eyes roamed my face and a lazy grin bent the corners of her lovely lips.
“I know times have changed, and life is busier and more complicated than it looked at seven or eight, but they were a real family.
“My parents got divorced when I was nine. My dad moved to Columbus, and my mom remarried pretty fast to a guy who didn’t have kids. They travelled a lot and left me with sitters. My dad worked too much, so if I spent time there, it was usually by myself. Both my parents were only children, so I didn’t have cousins I could go spend time with.