“Mom!” He reached for her, but Wynn picked him up. When she started to walk away with him, he made the most terrible, bloodcurdling scream Mandy had ever heard. He was shouting and crying, using words that Mandy couldn’t make out. Maybe they weren’t English. She should have run out the door, but all she could do was stand there and sob.
People came running from all corners of the house. Rocco was there, hurrying toward them, calling out to his son in the same language Zavi was wailing in. He lifted Zavi from Wynn’s arms, then sent Mandy a confused and hurt look. “What’s happening?” he asked.
“I’m going to stay at my house for a little while.” Mandy looked around. Kit and some of the other guys were there. Selena, too. She nodded to them, grabbed her suitcase, and went to the door.
“Mom!” Zavi shouted, his voice scratchy and raw from crying. “Mom!” His little hands reached for her over Rocco’s shoulder. “Don’t go. I’ll be good!”
Rocco watched in horror as his nightmare came true. You gotta find a way to get your shit together or you’re gonna lose her, Angel had warned him. He handed Zavi back to Wynn, who turned with him and carried him through the living room, away from the terrible scene. Rocco rushed outside after Mandy.
“Mandy…” His voice broke. “What’s happening? Why are you leaving?”
She huffed a sigh, shifting her eyes away from him. “Because I have to. Rocco, I love you. And I love Zavi. But you and I—we aren’t ready for a full-time, live-together relationship. You haven’t slept with me in a week. You don’t eat with us. You don’t talk to me anymore. You don’t spend time with your son.” She shook her head. “I’m in the way of your life. I think we both need some time to figure out what we want.”
He frowned. “I want you.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to stay at my house.”
“Em, Emmy, it’s not safe for you to do that.”
Mandy pulled a ragged breath. “Kit said it was all right. Selena’s going to be there with me.”
“Stay here. We’ll figure this out.”
“I can’t, Rocco. I can’t do this anymore.” Her deep green eyes studied his. “I need you to pick Zavi and me. I need you to think of us more than you think of your past. I need to know the three”—she touched her stomach—“four of us have a future.”
Rocco shoved his hands in his pockets. He didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. She wanted a future that wasn’t going to happen, not if he went to be with his baby. So he said nothing and his silence crushed her heart and his.
He went back inside the house. Everyone had scattered. Wynn was outside with Zavi. They were sitting on one of the patio chairs. Zavi was draped over her chest. He was all cried out, but ragged breaths still racked his body. “I’ll take him,” Rocco told her.
She lifted Zavi up so Rocco could take him. “I’m sorry, Rocco.”
Rocco carried him over to one of the chairs that rocked. “Not your fault, Wynn.” He patted Zavi’s back. “Why don’t you go back upstairs? I’ll come get you in a little while.”
“Okay. If you need anything, I’ll just be in my apartment.”
“Thanks.” Rocco kept both arms wrapped around Zavi, feeling his boy’s ragged breaths reverberate against his own chest.
After a few minutes, Zavi’s limp arms wrapped around his neck. “I w-want M-Mommy.”
Mommy. His boy sounded so American when he said that. And it was unmistakable which mother he was referring to. Minutes ago, in his terror and panic, Zavi had reverted to his native Pashto. But when he wanted his mother, it was Mandy he ached for.
Fucking Kadisha. She’d shunned her own son when he was two, avoiding him when he most needed her. Had she done that because Ehsan had come back into the picture by then? Ehsan had had no love for her. Not really. She should have seen that he was just using her to get back at Rocco.
Fortunately for Zavi, his aunts and grandmothers had taken wonderful care of him. But nothing was a replacement for a mother’s love.
Zavi was starved for it.
Rocco had been secretly happy that Zavi had started calling Mandy his mom. It made the decision that was looming over Rocco so much easier, knowing when he checked out, Zavi would at least have one parent.
It was one parent more than his baby in heaven had now.
He replayed Mandy’s words. “I need you to think of us more than you think of your past. I need to know the four of us have a future.” It seemed as if Mandy left because she knew what was in Rocco’s heart—without his ever saying a thing.
How did you make a choice between two of your children? Rocco squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his arms around his boy.
*
After the debacle in the foyer when Mandy left Rocco and Zavi, Angel was furious. He’d watched Rocco and Mandy all through lunch. He’d told Rocco that he would walk into his hell and carry him out. Well, that fucking journey was beginning right now.