“Don’t stress it too much, kid. She’ll be too preoccupied to pay much attention to you,” Anthony insisted, glancing down at the table, a small smile worked his mouth.
Yeah, right.
“Adrianna’s pregnant,” he said.
Of course she is. Christ, they’re expanding a family. More people with the last name Bianci. The matriarch was going to be a real basket case now.
“Mama “Leone” is going to be a grandma? Fuck, if I thought she was crazy before, she’s going to be all sorts of bonkers now,” I muttered, before shaking my head and glancing toward Anthony. “Congrats on the kid,” I mumbled, before heading toward the bar.
I was retiring from life.
At least for today.
Yep, that’s my plan. Get drunk and get stupid.
“So, are we going to talk about it?” Adrianna asked, as we pulled up to the supermarket. We had left Luca with my mother and taken a couple of hours to have pedicures as well as doing some food shopping on the way home. Apparently, when you’re married those two things go hand in hand.
I guess you learn something new.
I would never get married anyway. I took a vow of celibacy and decided the new dream I would chase was restoring my hymen.
“No,” I said, grabbing the wagon because Anthony gave me strict orders she wasn’t allowed to push anything or hold anything that weighed more than a lemon. These two had a long nine months ahead of them.
Lucky for me, I got front row seats to the “she’s having my baby show,” since my mother and I were staying with them until we found an apartment, or I got my shit together, whichever came first.
I was right about my mother jumping at the chance to be around her grandchildren. After my brother shared his news with us, I told him and Adrianna I was a nursing school drop out with an eviction notice on my door. They insisted we stay with them until we found some place else, some place close to them.
Now, here we are, food shopping with wet toes and Adrianna trying to get the goods on me and Riggs.
“I heard him, you know,” she started.
“Forget what you heard,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I’ve forgotten,” I added.
Because what is one more lie on top of the thousands sitting on my shoulders already?
“I won’t tell your brother if that’s what you’re afraid of,” she coaxed.
I thought about her words for a minute. I wasn’t holding back the twisted tale of how Kitten and Tiger got it on one night in an alley like a bunch of…well, alley cats. See what I did there? Cute right?
Did I mention I hate my life?
Take the fucking detour, he said.
I did.
It was a dead end.
Focus, Lauren.
I wasn’t holding back the alley cat story because I was afraid of my brother finding out. He’d kill Riggs, and as fun as that might be to watch, the only one who would put that dope in the ground was me.
I was becoming very angry lately. Like, I might need help.
“I slept with him, okay?” I blurted.
Psychiatric help too.
She rolled her eyes as she picked out tomatoes.
“I know, I heard the whole “I wear a rubber thing,”” she exasperated.
“Yeah, he’s a real catch,” I said sarcastically.
Adrianna dropped the bag of tomatoes into the cart and lifted my chin with her finger.
“You fell for him, didn’t you?”
“What? No? I may be going through a quarter-life crisis but I’m not that stupid,” I said.
“You’re not twenty-five,” she pointed out.
“I always wanted to be older than I was,” I stated and sighed heavily. “Look, I liked him a lot, that’s it. I thought he liked me too, but I was wrong. All he wanted was to get laid. Which is fine, because hey, we all need to get laid every once in a while, right? I suppose I should thank him because I’m good now for like a year until the urge strikes again and I do something else incredibly stupid,” I said, ignoring the lady picking out a bunch of bananas, staring at me like I just confessed to murdering someone.
I turned my gaze to banana lady and hissed.
You know what she could do with those bananas?
“What are you looking at? I’m having a crisis,” I sneered.
Adrianna moved behind me and took the wagon from me, pushing it out of the produce aisle before I told banana lady to split.
Ha!
Banana split.
I burst out laughing.
“Oh, my God,” Adrianna whispered, pausing mid-stride.
“What?” I asked, my laughter dying as I bumped into her.
“When did this happen between the two of you?”
“Like a month ago,” I said, as I glanced at the fish counter. The smell got to me, making me nauseous, so I pinched my nose and guided Adrianna down a different aisle.
“Wait here, I have to go pick up my pre-natal vitamins,” she said.
I shrugged my shoulders and took a seat on an Olive Oil display, waiting for it to cave on top of me because why not? I dropped my head into my hands and waited for my stomach to settle.
By the time Adrianna returned the nausea had passed, and I rose to my feet. She dropped a few more things into the wagon and stared at me.