“What’s that supposed to mean? How do you know my type?” I questioned angrily. I really should’ve hung up the phone instead of taking part in this ridiculous conversation. But I wasn’t about to let my brother dictate who I did or didn’t sleep with. And what was this shit about Riggs not being my type? That burned my ass because my brother knew nothing about my dating life. He was in prison for the duration of my only serious relationship and never even met my crackerjack ex-boyfriend.
“Come on Lau, you know the type of guy I’m talking about. Riggs isn’t the guy you’re going to take home to mom for Sunday dinners. Shit, even if he was, they’d probably kill each other. You like things nice and orderly, and Riggs is chaos in its purest form,” Anthony continued. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Thanks for your concern big brother, but I can handle my sex life without any help from you,” I sneered.
Riggs started choking on his eggs and I handed him the water as I rolled my eyes.
“How about we talk about something of relevance—like if you’ve convinced Mom to move back to Brooklyn,” I suggested, angrily, sliding out of the booth to pound Riggs on the back. Poor guy was coughing up a lung.
“You’re on your own with that, I tried,” he grunted. “She doesn’t want to come back home, says she likes it up there. She promised to stay out of your hair while you studied for your finals, though,” he mumbled miserably. “I’ve got to go, glad your car is on the road again. Stay safe,” he added.
“Ant,” I breathed, hating that he seemed mad at me. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I really appreciate you fixing the car for me,” I said.
“No problem,” he clipped. “Bye,” he added before disconnecting the call.
I stared at the phone in shock, dropping it onto the table before sliding back into the booth across from Riggs.
“He hung up on me,” I fumed.
“That didn’t go quite like I planned,” he admitted. “In my head this whole thing was way funnier.”
“He thinks we’re sleeping together,” I blurted.
“And you feel guilty because you’re misleading him? We can fix that, Kitten,” he joked.
“Is everything a joke with you?” I asked, lifting my eyes to his, seriously questioning him.
His grin disappeared and his eyes locked with mine.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted. “I’m just stressed out and I think everything is finally catching up to me. I appreciate you bringing my car even if your ulterior motive was to fuck with my brother,” I whispered and then I snapped. I felt my eyes fill with tears as the lies, the guilt of them and the stress of not knowing where I go from here all surfaced.
“I had a plan!” I blurted. “It was a good plan too, becoming a nurse, making a lot of money, making my family proud,” I cried, not caring I was having a meltdown in front of Riggs. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and he was there so—the poor bastard was invited to my pity party, hell, he was the only fucking guest. “It was a good fucking plan,” I repeated. “And I could’ve done it too. I had the grades, I scored the internship at the hospital, even in pediatrics like I wanted,” I sobbed, reaching to take the napkin he offered me and wiped at my cheeks. I’m sure tomorrow I am going to want to crawl into a hole for this but the dam was already broken and out of my control.
“So what changed?” He asked, surprising me with the sincerity I found in his voice.
“You ever see a baby born with his lungs outside of his chest?” I asked, lifting my eyes to his. “A little person, so helpless, relying on you and a team of doctors to help him make the twenty-four-hour mark. You don’t even have a chance to process that you and your colleagues are playing God with this precious little baby’s life. All hands are on deck and everyone has a job to do even the new intern. Granted, I was just assisting the registered nurses, but I was there, I was a part of that baby’s team. I watched as his dad cried outside the room, wishing there was something he could do, something he could change, hating that we were the people who could help his son and not him.”
I shook my head, closing my eyes, as the memories assaulted me. It was a game changer for me, the pivotal moment in my life, realizing I wasn’t cut out for the life I thought I wanted. I wanted to believe in medicine. I wanted to heal. But I couldn’t watch people die. And a doctor isn’t God, doctors can’t save everyone, sometimes people just die.
“My shift was over and by that time the baby was critical but stable. His mother still had yet to hold him and his father struggled to make the right decisions. The next morning I returned to work, and the baby had passed away,” I whimpered. “I cried for days, didn’t go to school, and I called in sick to the hospital. I couldn’t do it, Riggs, I couldn’t become a nurse because I’m too weak. I’d get too close to my patients, and I’d lose it every time I lost one. It’s inevitable, people die. We all can’t live forever but that baby didn’t even live one day.”
“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted. “I’m sorry you lost a patient, Kitten. I’m sorry those folks lost their baby,” he soothed, as he reached across the table and took my hand in his.