“He should be the one protecting me,” I whispered, lifting my eyes to Bones, fighting to hold back my tears. “I know he wouldn’t let anything happen to me or Pea. I know he wants to keep us safe, that he wanted to do the right thing, but he lost his way somewhere. He lost that self confidence that he could do right by his family and instead he gave up on us. I saw past the club, I saw the man behind the patch and I wanted him so much more. It was beautiful to watch him go from a man with raw uncertainty of his ability to be a good dad to learning he wanted to be one, and he wouldn’t let his fear dictate the type of father he was to Pea. He changed Bones, I saw it with my own eyes. He wanted Pea, but he gave up the minute things got messy, the minute life threw him a detour. I don’t know what’s going on with your club and I don’t care but I’m mad as hell he chose that club over us. He should have spat in the face of his enemy and fought ten times harder for what he was hanging on to but he didn’t. He gave up.”
Bones said nothing. He probably didn’t know how to respond but his silence also was a sign of his loyalty to his brother.
“Miss Bianci? Dr. Goodwin will see you now,” the receptionist called.
I gripped the arms of the chair and rose to my feet.
“Lauren, I know you’re mad and you have every right to be,” he said, standing as he spoke. “And I also know he probably doesn’t deserve it but I’m going to ask you anyway…”
“Ask me what?”
“Not to give up on him.”
“Too late for that Bones,” I answered. “Do you see him here? Where his place is? No you don’t. Look around the room,” I whispered. “I’m the only one alone here,” I added, my voice cracking with emotion.
I continued to walk toward the receptionist when she smiled over my shoulder at Bones.
“You too, Dad,” she said, cheerfully.
Bones opened his mouth to correct her and then I followed his eyes as they roamed around the room, pausing to stare at the couples I had pointed out.
“I wouldn’t mind not being alone,” I croaked.
He bit the inside of his cheek, shoving his hands into his pocket before he nodded.
“Uncle Bones is happy to help,” he said, winking at me and following me into the exam room.
He took a seat in the corner of the room, fidgeting about as the nurse weighed me and took my blood pressure. I stepped onto the exam table and lifted my shirt, exposing my round belly and waited for the doctor to join us.
I turned to Bones, watched as he stared a hole into the wall beside me and giggled. The big bad biker was uncomfortable, but I relished in his company, the support of another human being beside me.
“Do you want kids, Bones?” I asked, forcing him to look at me.
“Yeah,” he said automatically. “Someday.”
The door opened and Dr. Goodwin stepped inside, smiling at me before looking back at Bones with a confused look.
“Dad couldn’t join us again?” She asked.
“No, so Uncle…Eric, is stepping in just for today,” he offered, looking back at me and winking.
“How nice,” Dr. Goodwin replied as she looked over my chart.
I stared at Bones wide-eyed.
“Uncle Eric?”
“Figured it was better than explaining why the kid had an uncle named Bones?” He explained, in a hushed tone.
I smiled at him before Dr. Goodwin squirted the cold gel like substance onto my belly. Bones’ eyes diverted to the screen as the doctor moved the wand around my belly, until Pea appeared on the screen.
My perfect little baby.
That image would never get old.
I listened as Pea’s heartbeat sounded, strong and healthy and I couldn’t wait to hold her in my arms.
I couldn’t wait to meet the love of my life.
Bones looked amazed by it all and smiled when Dr. Goodwin pointed out Pea’s features, freezing the image of her perfect profile. After the sonogram was over, the doctor printed out several photos of the baby and handed them to me. She instructed me to make another appointment for next month and informed me that Pea was progressing wonderfully and was right on track.
I wiped the gel from my belly and pulled my shirt down, turning toward Bones.
“Thanks for getting lost and sticking around with me. It was nice not to be alone,” I said, as he walked with me to the door. “Eric,” I mused.
He nudged me playfully.
“Bones,” he corrected. “Anything for Pea, even if it means giving up my real name,” he joked.
I folded one of the sonogram photos and ripped it off the strip before handing it to him.
“A gift from Pea, to say thank you,” I offered, holding the picture out for him.
He glanced down at the black and white grainy photo before slipping it into the inside pocket of his cut.
“C’mon, I’ll walk you out,” he said.
Of course I took him up on his offer because hanging out with Bones made me feel closer to Riggs. I wanted to say something, give him a message for Riggs that we were still here if he had a change of heart. But I knew that would only break what was left of my heart if he didn’t take me up on the offer.
Stay strong, I reminded myself.
You’ve got this.
It’s his loss.
But each day that passed was another piece of my heart lost to Riggs and the dreams I thought we could make come true.
Dreams.
What a joke.
Chapter Thirty-Two
I had to get out of this apartment. I was going crazy sitting here drinking myself into oblivion, staring at my three white walls and one gray one. I ordered a crib today. A mattress too, and one of those fancy rocking chairs for when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night.
I know.
I’m losing my mind.