The low keening cry that escaped her after that was gut wrenching. Crying her heart out, she wept until she had no air left in her body, and as she took in a harsh breath and lifted her head, she wailed openly, clutching at her throat as if she were choking on what she was feeling, and it crushed my very soul.
The hall was filled with people, silent people, and I barely spared a glance to those looking on in shock. But when Julius filled the doorway and his wide eyes landed on me, blinking slowly, I’d never felt more like a piece of shit than when I watched my brother crack open and break for he was unbreakable.
Yes, I’d betrayed him. And, yes, he knew it immediately.
Julius stood there as Lexi cried. His lips parted and he blinked slowly, putting his hands crushingly to his head as if he was experiencing the worst migraine of his life. “No.” He shook his head, and then suddenly, he wasn’t shocked anymore. He was pissed, and he growled, “No.”
Yes. “Brother,” I uttered quietly and watched as his face turned thunderous.
I observed him fight himself at every turn. He stepped forward, then back, and forward again as if he didn’t know what to do with himself, his fist clenching then unclenching over and over again. It took him a while to get control over his emotions, but when he did, he snarled, “Outside. Now.”
I knew it was coming. I’d have done the same. I put my boy down with a sigh and followed Julius out the front door, sparing a small glance at my weeping woman.
The way she looked now, overcome and devastated?
I never wanted to see it again.
She was in no state to watch this shit unfold. I muttered to Happy, “Keep ‘em inside.”
In the hall, I passed a gaping Nikki, Dave, and Ana on the way out, while Manda simply shook her head in disappointment.
That was okay. I could deal with that.
I was used to being a disappointment.
Before I even made it out the door, I unzipped my hoodie and shrugged it off, rolling my shoulders as Julius paced on the front lawn, looking like a man possessed. When he caught me staring, his face crumpled and his eyes turned wild as he shook his head. “I know you didn’t do this. Not to me.” He pointed a shaking hand towards the house. “Not to her.”
Shit. He was taking this worse than I expected.
My voice was rough. “Had to, brother.”
He was finding it hard to speak. “Five years.” His breathing turned heavy. “Where the fuck you been?” His lip curled, but the words he spat were cracking, heartbroken. “I needed you.”
I know he did. That was why he needed to believe I was gone.
If Julius didn’t believe it, no one else would have.
“Spend the rest of my life makin’ it up to you,” I offered, conciliating. And I would. I hated that I hurt him, but it wasn’t optional.
Julius stilled and his blue eyes flashed. “Fuck you, Twitch.”
And when he lunged at me, I let him.
Stone-like fists clipped my cheek, white exploded behind my eyes, and I fell backwards onto the dewy grass. Roughly, he straddled my thighs and hit me again, harder this time. And I saw stars. He knocked me again, and I felt my nose crunch under his fist. Again and again, he hit me, and I lifted my arms in a poor attempt to deflect the blows because he was mad enough to cause some real damage and, as it were, Julius showed no sighs of slowing.
He knocked my arms out of the way, but I flung them up, over and over.
A solid punch knocked my shoulder, and I hissed through the pain. Julius gasped loudly, hastily, speaking through gritted teeth. “Where were you?” The next blow hit me in the chest, winding me, and he bellowed, “I needed you, motherfucker!” The hits slowed and then finally, the blows stopped altogether. Gripping the front of my tee, I felt my brother’s body quake as he cried out a tear-laced, “I needed you.” He sobbed through gritted teeth, “You piece of shit. I needed you.”
Breathing as well as I could through my broken nose, I watched him cry and reached up to grip his upper arm, but he shrugged me off violently, standing as quickly as he could. “Get the fuck off me!” Before I could register what was happening, he walked over to his wife, took her by the hand, and dragged her to their car. “Manda,” Julius barked.
When Manda rushed over and stepped into the back seat, the car took off with a screech.
As I elevated myself on my elbows, I spied Nikki and Dave leaving with my son. My heart wrenched and I stood, ready to object, but when Nikki turned to Happy, looking completely brokenhearted, and ground out, “If I were you, I wouldn’t come home tonight,” I knew it was probably better for A.J. not to be here for the chaos that would ensue.
“Daddy?” A.J. called out uncertainly, looking strangely at my position on the grass.
“It’s okay, bud,” I told him, panting and breathless. “I’ll see you real soon.”
Happy stood with his hands on his hips, exhaling slowly. He dipped his chin, looking down at his feet, then spoke quietly, “Could have given me a heads up.”
I could have, but I was done waiting.
Sorry.
My silence was all the apology he was going to get, and he knew it because he shook his head and walked inside. A long moment went by before I followed, but where Happy took off out into the backyard, I detoured to where my soul craved to be.
In her room.
I moved to stand in the open doorway and watched the broken woman rest against the wall, cold, unblinking. She looked like a shell of a person sitting so small where she was. All I wanted to do was go over, take her in my arms, and hold her a while.
When it all became too much and the discomfort hit me hard, I scratched at my jawline and shook my head because I wanted to apologize, but that was ludicrous.
So I held her eyes and prayed she’d hear the words unspoken.
Suddenly, she glared at me from across the room, a stray tear slipping past her guard. I felt her whispered words deep in my gut.
"I hate you."
And at that moment, she really did.
A sadness I never imagined I could feel settled its weight on my shoulders.
It was okay though.
She could never hate me as much as I hated myself.
I stepped out of her room and let her be. I’d done enough damage tonight. We’d start fresh in the morning.
Making my way out back, Happy paced deep into the yard while the little Goth watched.
“So you’re him,” she said, turning those bored eyes on me. “I didn’t expect you to be so young. I mean, you need a haircut and a shave, but I’m surprised.” She tilted her head. “How old are you?”
I was forty-one. “Old enough to know better.” Putting a finger to my nostril, I blew blood out of my nose and onto the porch. “Young enough to not give a fuck.”
“That needs to be set. Come here.” When I made no attempt to move, she rolled her eyes. “Or don’t. Whatever. Look like a troll. I don’t care.”
It did need to be set. I made the few steps over and sat in the chair at the outdoor setting. “You ever done this before?”
She put both her thumbs to the sides of my nose and pressed into my cheeks, looking unconcerned. “A time or two.” A moment before she set my nose, she uttered, “I’m Molly.”
Crack.
“Aw, fuck,” I groaned as my eyes watered uncontrollably and my nose began to bleed all over again. When she handed me tissue, I snatched them out of her hands and lifted my head to stop myself from bleeding on my tee. I couldn’t help but notice how blasé she was acting and had to say something about it. “You don’t seem so surprised to see me.”
With her back to me, she continued to watch Happy pace. She shrugged. “I was, but now I’m not.” She twisted, looking back at me. “Your son is not a liar.” When she settled her eyes on a still-pacing Happy, she let out a long, drawn out breath. “I should’ve known.” A while passed and we sat in easy silence. In the stillness of the night, Molly spoke the words I dreaded to hear. “She’s never gonna forgive you.”
Maybe not.
But I planned to make her love me again or die trying.
“You live here, yeah?” Molly nodded and I went on. “Tomorrow, you and I are gonna have words on how easily I was able to get in and out of this house and do it undetected.”
Her brow creased, but she nodded once more.
Good.
We’d deal with it tomorrow.
Tonight, I would think on how to fix everything I’d fucked up.
Chapter Eleven