It has been days since Ruslan explained to me the only way we have to break the marriage contract between Dane and myself. I remember so clearly how my heart thundered and my pulse raced at the thought of trading one marriage for another. One made man I knew I could never trust for another man I barely knew. At first I was shocked speechless. The urge to run seeped into my every pore. Then I looked into his eyes and let the deep timber of his voice hypnotize me. Before I knew what the hell I was doing, I had agreed to let him take a risk that could end in his death. But if it didn’t, I’d be walking down the aisle, not with Dane, but with Ruslan.
Was that a bad thing?
Was Ruslan any different than Dane? Was he any better? Any safer?
I wanted to believe that not all made men were the same. The more I thought about each man and compared them, I realized that each one was more than the sum of their work. Ruslan, from the moment we first met, had treated me with respect and kindness. Dane had always been forceful and distant. I would only ever be a piece of property to him, a way to crawl up the ladder of power within the mafia, bettering his standing among the families. With Ruslan, it would be different. He was already at the top. Sure, he was a dangerous man, but there was a kindness and gentleness in his eyes that let me know there was more to him beneath the surface.
But still I was confused. Seeing Dane in Ruslan’s office had unleashed anger so terrible that even now I couldn’t believe how I had acted. My mother would have been shocked by my actions. Did I feel guilty for striking him? Hell no! I felt empowered. I hungered for more.
Questions flooded my mind, but the answers eluded me. I needed advice. I needed my mother. She was the only woman that could help me understand, the only woman I knew who could help me see the right path to take.
Groaning, I eased up from the cloud-like comfort of my bed and grabbed the cell phone from the nightstand. The need to speak to my mother overwhelming me, I scrolled through my contacts and gave her name a tap. The phone rang once, then twice, before her sweet voice met my ear. My throat tightened with regret for leaving her behind, never explaining why I had to leave. Would she have understood?
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I spoke. “Mom, it’s me. I’ve missed you so much.”
“Oh my god, Liliya. Is that you, baby? Where are you? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Mom. I’m safe.”
Hearing the sadness in Mom’s voice damn near choked me up. She had always worn her emotions on her sleeve, unable to hide how she felt, and because of the life I now knew we were drowning in, I saw just how much my mother didn’t fit in it. The mafia wasn’t a place for a woman like her. She was too feeling… too real.
“I heard your father talking about you. He said you were living in sin with a rival of his. He’s sickened by your actions, Liliya. My God, you are engaged!”
“It’s not what you think, Mom. I…”
“I raised you to be better than this. Why would you dare to shame your family like this? I don’t even know who you are anymore. What happened to you? Tell me!”
The demanding tone was one I had never heard from her mouth before. It rattled me deep inside, breaking my heart. “You have no idea what you are talking about, Mom. God forgive me, but you are the one who should feel shame for letting that man bully you into believing every word, every damn lie, that falls from his lips. You shame the memory of your very own son by taking your husband’s side in this. Yes, I’m living with father’s rival. But it’s for my protection. We are not living in sin as we do not share a bed. It’s not like that.” I huffed out a breath as my vision began to blur from the storm of tears threatening to fall. Having to speak to my mother like this was something I would never have thought I’d do in my lifetime, but it was happening. The pain was sharp and agonizingly brilliant.
Everything that had happened was changing me. Was it for the better? I wasn’t sure, but it was making me stronger and surer of myself. “Hear this, and understand it, Mother. I will not be marrying the man who killed my brother, and I will not live under the same roof as the man who ordered his death. You can, but I just can’t stomach the betrayal that your home is drowning in. I love you, Mother, I do, but I need to do what is right for me.”