“Taste this and see if it’s the one you want.”
My eyes jerked from the glass to him. He was gazing intently at me, and I knew his words carried weight beyond the wine. I wrapped my hand around the glass and brought it to my lips. I let a small moan escape as I let the wine fill my mouth. Handing the glass back to him and looking directly into his eyes, I replied. “Yes, this is definitely the one I want.”
His eyes gleamed as he set the glass down and settled back against the chair. Chris realized that he was intruding on a private moment that was about much more than a simple bottle of Chianti. He asked if we had any questions about the menu and took our order swiftly before leaving us alone.
Adam sat up straight and placed his forearms on the table. His eyes never left mine as he seemed to be trying to work something out in his head. Finally, he spoke. “I meant what I said. I need to put everything on the table before this goes any further.” He watched me warily, clearly unsure how I would react.
I also straightened up then, mimicking his body position and leaning closer to him. “This looks like a pretty sturdy table. I bet it can handle whatever strain we put on it.”
I watched the tick in Adam’s jaw. He looked uncomfortable. And I knew there was only one thing that could make Adam feel this way. “Is it Max that you want to talk about?”
He hesitated briefly before releasing a sigh. “Yes,” he said simply.
“What do you want to know?”
“I haven’t wanted to ask this, mostly because I’m not sure I really want to know the answer, but . . . do you still see him?”
Now it was my turn for a simple answer. “Yes.”
His posture sagged just slightly, but it was enough for me to notice. “How . . . uh, when . . . um . . .” He ran his hand roughly over his face, instantly making me feel guilty for making this such an issue between us.
I reached over the table and grabbed his hand. “Adam?” I waited for his eyes to meet mine before I continued. “You need to ask me whatever it is you want to know. Nothing is off limits. I want this.” I motioned between us with my free hand. “More than you could ever know. But it’ll never work if we don’t clear the air. So ask.”
Adam eyed me cautiously as he got his thoughts organized. “In what capacity do you see Max?”
“Strictly as friends.” My eyes never left his in the hope that he could see the truth that resided there.
“Friends?” he scoffed quietly and pulled his hand back from mine, lowering both to his lap. “I seem to remember being told that before.”
I took a steadying breath. “You’re right. You were.”
“And it was a lie then.”
“Yes. It was," I answered, though I knew it wasn’t a question. I kept my voice low and neutral. Everything was riding on this conversation, and I didn’t want it getting muddled in a haze of emotions.
“But I’m supposed to believe that it isn't this time?”
“I don’t expect you to believe me at my word. I’ve given you a lot of reasons to doubt me. But . . . I don’t know what else I have to offer you other than that.” I couldn’t help but feel a sliver of defeat crawl through me. I had no other way to assure him of my feelings other than to say them. But my words weren’t credible to him. If he gave me time, I was sure I could prove it to him. Was he willing to take the risk and give me that time? That was the million dollar question.
“Here you are.”
My head whipped toward the source of the intrusion. Fucking Chris.
Chris lowered the salad plates in front of us and backed up a little. “Anything else I can get for you right now?”
We shook our heads.
“Okay. Your dinner should be ready shortly.”
We stared at the food in front of us for a minute before picking up our forks and starting to eat. The silence that descended upon us was heavy and constricting.
Chris came back and cleared our plates before returning with our main course. Adam and I made small talk about how good the food was and what other restaurants the chef owned. It was brutal.
Once we had both eaten the bulk of our meals, Adam cleared his throat and set his fork down. “I don’t know if I can do this, Lily.”
Tears sprung to my eyes and I tried to regain my composure before any of them fell. I played with my napkin on my lap, trying to think of something, anything, that I could say that would fix this.
“Hey,” Adam said gently. “Look at me.”
I slowly dragged my eyes to his.