I heard the click of another phone pick up, and my dad’s voice bellowed across the line. “Hey, buddy, is that true? See? I told ya, doll,” he said to my mom, “we just needed to give him a little time.”
“Uh, I’m not on a hockey show yet. I mean, I’ll be on TV here and there, but it’s nothing permanent. I won’t know ‘til the end of the season if I got the job.”
“Oh, don’t be so pessimistic,” my mom replied. “You’ll get it. I just know it. Did you tell Lily? She’s gonna be so happy for you.”
***
I’d thought that sharing the news of my audition with my parents would assuage the excitement coursing through my veins. Like I would experience some sort of magical transference of energy from my body to theirs.
It didn’t work.
And with the mention of Lily’s name, my heart raced a little bit more and my already fidgety hands began to visibly tremble. But my mom was right: Lily would be ecstatic.
So why was I so nervous to tell her? She’d be happy for me, if for no other reason than I had tried to do something to better myself. I’d finally tried to take a few steps in the right direction instead of sitting around on my ass, waiting for life to come to me.
But the more I thought about how unconditionally supportive she’d been of me lately, the more I realized why I was so anxious. Though trying might be good enough for Lily, it would never be good enough for me.
I didn’t come in second place. To anyone. I wasn’t some fucking seven-year-old who’d gotten a trophy for participating. I was Max fucking Samson. And I was a fucking winner.
***
My restless night had afforded me time to decide whether or not I wanted to tell Lily about the audition. If I told her, I knew I’d have to get the job or risk being embarrassed that she’d know I’d lost it to someone else. And I couldn’t let that happen.
If I tell Lily about the job possibility, I thought, I won’t fuck this up. I can’t fuck this up. So I used that as my motivation when I’d texted to ask her if she wanted to meet for lunch the following day. I said I had big news to share, and I’d wanted to share it in person.
At 10:45 the next morning, I arrived at a diner across from Swift Middle School. Seated facing the door, I waited, not so patiently, for Lily to arrive. Her lunch period was from 10:48 to 11:36. I briefly wondered who could eat lunch that fucking early on a daily basis, before I remembered that last year I had done exactly that. Though I’d been free to come and go as I pleased at the school, I’d chosen to eat lunch fifth period so I could eat with Lily.
And for some reason that thought calmed me, comforted me even. That ten months ago at nearly this very minute, I could have been doing this exact same thing: eating lunch across from Lily as we talked to each other about how our day had been so far. Or at least we would be doing this exact thing if she ever friggin' got here?
I had just looked down at my watch for the twentieth time when I heard the jingle of the bell on the door. And as I watched Lily stroll confidently toward me, I felt a stupid grin creep across my face. Her black pants fit tightly to her legs, and my gaze traced the length of them before it made its way up to those eyes that I always loved so much. Eyes that I loved even more on days like today, when the sunlight brought out the specks of gold in them that I was sure she’d never even noticed herself.
“Hey, Max,” she said as she pulled the silky strands of chestnut hair around the back of her neck to rest on the front of her shoulder. The sweet smell of her coconut shampoo washed over me, waking me from my trance. “I’m happy you asked me to meet.”
“You are?” Not only was I excited to tell Lily about the job opportunity, I was even more excited at the idea that she seemed eager to see me.
“Yeah, I haven’t seen you in a few weeks, and a lot’s happened.”
She paused for a minute or so to peruse the menu, and I motioned for the waitress to come take our order once Lily seemed ready. I knew she had to be back in about forty-five minutes and didn’t want her to be late. “So what’s up?” I asked. I could tell she was in an unusually upbeat mood, and I was eager to find out why she was so happy.
I didn’t know what I expected her to say. Maybe she’d won the lottery. Or she’d gotten a new puppy. Was it possible that she’d just found out Christmas break was starting a week early? Whatever it was, I hadn’t seen Lily that excited in as long as I could remember. I only wished that when she started to speak, I could have maintained my excitement for her. Or at least faked it better than I had.
But the moment I heard Adam’s name leave her lips, I felt my face drop. Trying to think of anything else than what she was saying, I did my best to tune her out. Unfortunately, my best wasn’t good enough. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t help but hear at least some of the words. Adam and I . . . dating again . . . a few weeks . . . seems to be going well.