She could practically hear Drake’s brain working, knew he wasn’t going to let her comment about the show go that easily.
One obvious way to distract him would be to mention what she wasn’t wearing beneath her clothes. They were both so hot for each other that it was a minor miracle their clothes had stayed on this long. But it wouldn’t sit right if she manipulated him like that. Regardless of the things she’d done during the past five years in the name of fame and reality TV, playing Drake in any way would make it so that she’d never again be able to look herself in the eye in any mirror, ever.
“Go ahead.” She squeezed his hand to try to ground herself in his steady strength. “I’m ready for whatever you want to say.”
His deep blue gaze locked with hers. “Do you want to go back to your show? And before you answer, you should know that I’m on your side whether it’s yes or no.”
Rosa was completely thrown off by his acceptance of a possible yes. As he’d said before, it was tempting to try to assign black or white to everything, but the truth was that nothing was really all good or all bad, was it?
Except for Drake Sullivan, who was one thousand percent good.
“It was fun at first,” she admitted. It would be a lie to say it wasn’t, and lying to Drake wasn’t okay. “Being famous was part of the fun. Limos. First class. Luxury hotels. Designers making clothes just for me. Everyone was so interested in the music I was listening to, the TV shows I loved, what I wore—it was really flattering. Gave me a big head for a while, if I’m being honest. I was eighteen when we started filming, and I thought I was so grown up already. I didn’t realize that I’d be growing up in front of the world, that my screw-ups and crushes and fights with my mom wouldn’t be over in a day or a week like they were before the show, but would stay around forever on screen.”
“I can’t imagine most people would have thought of that before signing on. And I’m guessing the producers sold you on the fun parts most of all.”
“They did, but it’s not their fault that no one takes me seriously. If only I’d been more aware of the reputation I was building—”
“You were a kid, Rosa. It doesn’t sound like you acted differently than anyone else does at eighteen or nineteen. Besides, you’re easily resilient enough to withstand a few public screw-ups.”
“If I wasn’t, I would have quit the first week,” she agreed. “Even the bad stuff that came along with becoming famous, like losing some privacy and reading the mean things people said about me online and in the press, didn’t feel so bad. But then one day I saw myself on TV. And I was shocked...because I didn’t recognize her. I didn’t recognize me. Not just because of all the makeup, the hair, the clothes.” She paused, hoping he’d understand. “My laugh didn’t sound real. And I couldn’t think of the last book I’d read. The last hike I’d been on. The last friend I’d spent time with—not celebrity friends, but the real ones I’d known since kindergarten.” She was surprised to look back over her shoulder and realize they’d walked far enough that Drake’s cabin was no longer in sight. “That was the first time I thought about getting off the ride. But it was already going so fast, I couldn’t see how. And it just kept going faster and faster after that.”
“You’re off now.”
“Only because I freaked out about the pictures and ran.”
“You call it running—I call it knowing you needed to take yourself out of the situation so that you could heal some first before carefully thinking through your next move.”
She stopped in a ray of sunlight, another one that seemed to be aiming straight for her as she thought about what he’d said—and how different a perspective it was. One made of strength and intelligence rather than blind fear and foolishness.
“When I saw the pictures for the first time—” She took a breath, one that helped her push past the stomach twisting that happened every time she thought about it. “I didn’t think I could ever get over it. Not when I know that no matter where I go or what I do for the rest of my life, the pictures will always be out there.” She looked up into Drake’s face, staggering in both its handsomeness and its kindness. “But I hadn’t counted on meeting someone like you, someone so convinced that I can heal.”
“More now than ever, Rosa.” He smiled down at her. “You’ll not only heal, you’ll kick ass while you’re at it.”