I grip onto my diet Coke with both hands, debating inwardly. It could look very bad if I told Eva that I slept with Logan in a moment of weakness. I like to think that she’d understand, but I’m not sure I want to risk it.
Don’t, I decide finally. No matter how much I trust her, there’s no telling what could happen if word got out that I slept with the boss.
When it comes down to it, I don’t want Eva to think less of me. She’s been a good friend, my only friend really, and I would hate to lose her at a time where I'm going through so much in my life.
“Nothing,” I say with a sigh, “it’s just this merger is proving to be stressful. The extra commute time, being handed all this responsibility right off the bat. And my breakup with Ian.”
Eva frowns at me and washes down her fry with a slurp of her vanilla milkshake. “I’m sorry, Charlotte. I don’t know why Logan is putting so much pressure on you.” She pauses to dip another fry in ketchup. “Did Ian come get his stuff?”
I nod and then scowl at my untouched burger. I’m such a bundle of nerves that I can’t even think about eating. “Ummm,” I say, “we kind of got into a fight.”
“Kind of?” Eva sits back against the booth. “You’re broken up; what’s there to fight about?”
“Yeah. He wanted back in, but I wouldn’t let him. I mean, can you believe this guy? He thinks he should be able to stay in our apartment after what he did? I ended up throwing all his stuff outside. We started yelling at each other, cursing each other out. Girl, it was awful.”
“Well, at least you got to tell that douche how you really felt.”
“That’s the thing. I’m mad that I did it. It didn’t change anything. He’s not going to say sorry or beg me to take him back. All it did was show how much I still cared.”
Just thinking about the previous night makes me angrier. I still can’t believe Ian hasn’t had the decency to tell me sorry or begged for my forgiveness. After he got caught cheating, his personality took a 180 degree turn. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, I’d been sleeping with a stranger the whole time I was with him. And to think that he should be allowed to sleep under the same roof with me after what he did? The nerve of that prick!
Eva reaches across the table and puts a hand on my arm concernedly. “Charlotte, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re only human. It’s only natural to have those emotions.”
I sniffle, staring at my burger. “You’re right, Eva. I need to stop thinking about it. I wish he’d just move the fuck on so I can let him go live his happily ever after with Sarah.”
I give them two months, I think to myself, before they’re at each others throats and Ian is cheating on her with a new whore. The nasty thought only makes me want to cry. What if it was really me, and not him? What if they do get their happily ever after? I shove down the thought and stuff another fry into my mouth before I cry any more over that asshole.
Eva smiles at me and takes a sip of her vanilla shake. “That’s the spirit. Fuck Ian! You’ll find your own happily ever after with some sex god that’s better in bed than Ian. You’ll see.”
I almost choke on how ironic her words are, though I think a fairytale ending with Logan has zero chance of happening. “I wish.”
Eva sets down her shake and fans herself with both hands. “Oh, oh! Speaking of happily ever afters and sex gods, did you see how hot Logan looked in the boardroom yesterday? My God, that man is pure sex on legs!”
“He’s alright,” I lie, trying to keep my thoughts G-rated. Eva needs to stop bringing up how hot Logan is, especially when it’s hard enough to get the man out of my mind. “Nothing you can’t see in any GQ magazine.”
Eva gives me a look. “What? You’re crazy. On a scale of one to ten, that man is a hundred! Shit, if I weren’t in a relationship with Kevin…” Eva makes a sound and shakes her head.
I don’t know how I feel with Eva going crazy over Logan. On one hand, she’s in a happy relationship and I know that she’s just joking around, but on the other, I want to tell her about my predicament so she’ll stop bringing him up. I know it's not like he's mine or anything, but I don't like her talking about him like that.
When I don’t reply right away, Eva frowns. “Look, if you’re so worried about commuting, why don’t you sign up for the temporary housing the company’s offered? It'll help until you can find a place nearby to move to.”
I pick up a fry and take a small bite. It’s extra salty, like how I feel inside. After a few halfhearted nibbles, I put it down. It’s all my stomach can handle right now. “I thought about it, but I don’t know,” I say. If I take the housing offer it'll only be one more thing that Logan has over me, and I don’t know if I can abide by that.
Eva takes another sip of her shake, this time nearly draining it to the bottom. “Well you better decide before you end up knee-deep in work and don’t have time to get it done. You can’t fail your startup because you’re overworked and tired from working long hours and then having to commute long distances.”