“What’re we doing?” I asked as I was led to the back of my apartment.
He tugged me along. “Stopping myself just now was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my fucking life, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it again.” He shivered noticeably. “I’m putting you to bed since you said you slept so well last time.”
I raised my eyebrows, looking up at him.
“Sleep, Angel. Just sleep. I still won’t get to see the front of that pink lace, don’t you worry.” He smirked down at me.
Another warm blush met my cheekbones.
Like a gentleman, Blake looked away while I changed into my pajamas, then helped me under the covers. He kissed me, placing an arm on either side of my body, and pushed up to propel over me and onto the other side of the bed. Shucking off his shoes and socks, he turned to face me.
“What are you doing?”
“Staying with you. It’s Thursday. I won’t bite.” He winked and slid his hands under the side of his face.
Knowing I didn’t want him to go anywhere, I didn’t protest.
I mirrored him, staring in awe at his beauty. Twinkling sky blue eyes looked back at me, and my subconscious gave me a pound for agreeing to have him in my bed. In the quiet of the moment, I reveled in that fact, taking note of my slow breathing and tame heartbeat. I was so comfortable around this guy. So secure.
No words were spoken as we took each other in, relaxing in the comfort of one another.
As the time passed, Blake’s eyes grew heavy. Fighting against his lids, they’d flutter open each time they slid closed. I smiled at the cuteness of it. On one of the descents, I couldn’t help myself and reached out to stroke one with the tip of my finger. Blake’s mouth shifted to a smile.
“Thank you.” The words tumbled from my mouth.
With his eyes still closed, he answered, “For what?”
Still caressing his lids, I answered, “For you. For this.”
I leaned over and kissed him softly, making sure to breathe him in as I did. I wanted to remember this for the rest of my life. Every detail—the smell of his skin, the feel of his breath, of his lips, the divot in the center of his collarbone, and the swell of his biceps tucked under his perfectly relaxed face. All of it.
A lump rose in my throat at the beauty of this moment. At the sincerity and realness Blake was showing me. And at the lack of any lust or want swimming between us.
Just comfortableness.
Security.
I kissed Blake on the tip of his nose and rose from the bed, needing to get down all my feelings before I lost the words. “Sleep. I’ll be right back.”
My journal was still in the same spot I’d left it on the couch. Opening it, I went to the first clean page and let my hand take over. I’d crossed out and rewritten words like love and meant to be, not believing this could be real. The enormity of what I felt for this man petrified me.
Flipping back through the last few weeks of entries, my eyebrows knitted together as I realized that almost every single one was about Blake. From the second I’d met him, he’d dominated my thoughts. Invaded my psyche. Lived under my skin.
I held the book open to something I’d written when Blake had showed up at my apartment with lunch all those days ago. Making the decision, a smile slid across my face, and I determinedly walked back to my bedroom. Though he hadn’t moved, Blake’s face wasn’t relaxed in peaceful slumber, and I could tell he was still awake.
The bed dipped with my weight, and I tucked one leg beneath me, watching as his eyes dragged open, then fell to the book resting on my thighs.
“I want to share a piece of me with you.” I absentmindedly picked at the edges of the worn pages.
“I was only kidding. I know that book is special to you. I don’t expect you to let me read it.”
“You’re special to me.” I lowered my eyes. “And I want you to know. To let you in.” My gaze met his. “To give you a piece.”
Wordless, Blake sat up. Reaching out, he cupped my behind, and dragged me toward him to sit between his legs. He overlapped my legs with his and rested his hands on my thighs. “I’m all yours.”
I smirked at the sentiment, and it relaxed me enough to open up the rest of the way and begin.
Flash.
He points the camera at me, and I swear he sees my soul.
Flash. Flash.
I wasn’t ready for that one, and I scramble to cover up.
Flash. Flash. Flash.
Pieces of me, captured for him. Images that he can hold.
Try as I might to deflect, he pushes further.
I’m anxious to hide, trying to find cover,
But he peels my layers back one by one.
I keep thinking it won’t feel good.
That I’ll feel exposed and naked.
Bared to him.
But the more he reveals, the deeper he goes.
The further he pushes, the more he sees me,
The more comforted I become.
Flash. Flash.
With every bright light, he comes more into focus.
Each click stabs at my heart, trying to break through.
Each click reveals another piece of my soul.
Another inch of me.
For him.
Flash.