“Yeah. She is.” Julian casts me a wicked sideways glance before he rises from the sofa and disappears into the kitchen, leaving a trail of dust in his wake. Remorse wraps itself around my gut and squeezes but I’m powerless to do anything about it—not where Mom is concerned.
“Vance?” Still lost in thought, it takes me a second to refocus. I blink a few times and find Ember studying me again, her lips tugged into a frown. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s cool.”
Julian emerges from the kitchen carrying a tray of puffed pastry. It smells fucking amazing but is no doubt organic. It’s probably filled with vegetables. The buttery camouflage draws me in and as he passes by I reach out to grab one. He holds the plate away with lingering attitude. “Ladies first.”
Avery and Ember waste no time devouring several in the most unladylike fashion imaginable, finger-licking included. Ember peeks up through her lashes and catches me staring, her cheeks turning a soft pink. She shrugs it off on a cough mixed with a laugh. “What? I haven’t eaten since lunch.”
“Hey,” I lift my palms in surrender, “I didn’t say anything. All I care is that there are some left for me.” I snatch up the last two as Julian walks past me into the kitchen. You know I must be hungry if I’m eating this crap. Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way” starts playing and I grin. “Ah. Finally some real music.” Ember’s smile falls off her face and I wonder what I said to upset her.
“Oh gosh,” Avery remarks. “Zack loved Aerosmith.”
“Who’s Zack? He obviously has very good taste,” I mumble around a mouthful of pastry.
Avery swallows and her eyes dart around the room as if she doesn’t know what to do. Her head swivels toward Ember who is now staring at a spot on the carpet.
“Our brother,” Avery says, but it comes out as a whisper.
Before I can respond or make sense of what’s happening, Ember walks away without another word, the screen door slamming shut behind her.
Julian pokes his head out of the kitchen, lifting his chin toward the door. “Where’s she going? Dinner’s almost ready.”
Maybe this dinner wasn’t a good idea after all—for any of us.
I SHOULDN’T HAVE come here. All I want is for this day to be over so I can crawl into bed and forget. Or maybe I can get lost in a dream; the one where Zack latches onto my hand and I pull him from the water, where I’m crying into his soaked body because he’s alive. I’m trying hard to keep it together but it’s not working today. While it’s been two years since his death, there are times when it feels like yesterday, the hole in my chest an open wound that never heals.
I plant myself on the front step, bringing my knees up and hugging them to my chest. My head falls into my hands and I close my eyes, letting the birdsong carry me away. Memories play in my mind like the reel of a film—Zack’s bright green eyes that resembled mine, his shaggy brown hair. The way his mouth curved higher on one side than the other. He always thought he was too tall, too skinny, had too many freckles. But he was perfect. He was the best brother a girl could wish for.
The creak of the door disrupts my thoughts but my head is too heavy to move. Avery lets me sit in the quiet, giving me the space I need. When I’m ready to face her, I breathe out a sigh and look to my left, startled to find it’s not Avery beside me, but Vance. Without thinking, I blurt out? “I’m not one of those girls who runs off hoping to be followed. I don’t need to be rescued.”
His hands come up and he leans away. “Whoa, there. I didn’t come out here to rescue you. I thought maybe you needed a friend.”
“Is that what we are now?” The harshness of my tone startles me and I wince. My stomach twists with emotion and I can’t find the control I desperately need to hold myself together. It’s as if pieces of me are falling to the ground and I’m scrambling to pick them up before someone actually sees what a mess I am.
A tiny wrinkle creases the space between his eyes. “No, yeah… I mean, I guess.”
“Wow.” I heave out a small groan. “I’ve never had someone show this much enthusiasm about my friendship before.”
He chuckles, one of his dark eyebrows disappearing under his hair. “You’re just so….”
“So… what?”
“You really do say whatever is on your mind, don’t you? Honest to a fault, no filter.”
I tuck my fist underneath my chin, contemplating his statement. “Yeah. I just think there’s already too much filter in the world as it is, and it leads to too many misunderstandings. If people wouldn’t mask their feelings all the time, the world would be a better place. There’s something to be said for simple honesty.”
His expression falls, seeming to cringe at my world philosophy. His eyes shift away then return to me. He opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it. And for the first time, I see it. He’s all hard angles and rough exterior, but vulnerability resides in those clear blue eyes as if they are an open ocean. I get lost for a minute until he pulls me back.
“That’s badass.”
I blink out of my trance. “What’s badass?”