“So what? That’s it? I should send Pipe to the corner with a fifty bag and you should shoot until your veins collapse? To hell with everything you, me, this fucking club worked for? We’ll just let it all go to shit for some cock-sucking mobster? Turn his charred ass over to Vic and let him handle our business?”
“That was your fucking plan, not mine. You and Bianci came and told me we would feed Jimmy the drugs, set him up and get his ass sent to prison. We sat down with Vic and he gave his word, once we delivered Jimmy he’d end that miserable fuck’s life and then make it his mission to get the G-Man. I didn’t believe it but the man fucking swore on the bible, thought that shit counted for something,” I sneered.
‘That’s still the plan,” Jack said, calmly.
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to decide if he was fucking with me or not. One minute he’s talking about cleaning up the streets and ridding the world of scumbags like the G-Man and Jimmy ourselves and the next he’s talking about handing them over to the mob on a silver platter.
“So what the fuck you busting my balls about then?” I grunted.
“You think Jimmy didn’t have a crew in place, the motherfucker was working with the G-Man. You don’t think that man will send someone to retaliate against the men who took his dealer off the streets?”
I watched as Jack cracked his knuckles.
“I’m not fucking worried about Sun Wu, Black, it’s every goddamn pusher the G-Man has working from inside the prison he’s rotting in, to outside these four walls. We don’t have Vic anymore to aide in the clean-up this shit is all on us. His job is to eliminate the scumbags inside with him,” he pinned me with a stare. “It’s only a matter of time before these fucking streets becomes a war zone. I will say it once, and only once, you need to get your fucking act together and be the fucking man I know you are. If that means you taking time to go get clean, then that’s what you do because when mayhem comes I need you,” he rasped, raking his fingers through his hair.
“Appreciate the concern,” I ground out. “I’ll handle my shit. You don’t have to worry about me becoming a liability to the club,” I added.
“Oh fuck that,” he growled. “You think that’s why I’m here asking you to get well? Fuck liabilities. Everyone in this club thought I’d be a liability because of my mind, because I got some shit disorder that fucks with me, but you never gave me lip for it. Your confidence in my ability to run our club never shifted. I’m not here telling you to clean up because I’m worried you won’t fucking do your job. I know you Black, been your brother for years, you function better on any goddamn poison than you do when your levelheaded. I’m telling you get your ass off the drugs because I don’t want to put your ass in the dirt. Now, I just buried a brother, a real fucking brother, who never had my back the way you’ve had my back and that stung but digging a hole for you will fucking make me bleed.”
I looked away as his words echoed in my ears.
His plea should’ve made me proud of my duty served as his vice president but his words fell flat for me. I didn’t need his approval as the president of our club, I knew I had that, that I had earned his respect in that aspect. But hearing him beg me to turn my life around so I can do my job made me feel some kind of way, made me feel something I wasn’t used to feeling.
Remorse and not for anyone other than myself.
I’m the man at his left, the self-destructing cowboy who will help him destroy any and all enemies. I’m his soldier, the man he relies on in our corrupt world of crime. He has faith in me when it comes to my job, when it comes to a promise I made my dead wife, but that’s where it ends. Jack didn’t think I could be a better man, he knew what I was, what I’d always be and that wasn’t the kind of guy he’d ever want for Lacey. I could go on protecting her, doing my job as his second, but claiming her? Making her more than just a duty, turning my fucked up life around to be better for her? That shit could never be.
I’m Blackie, Satan’s knight and that’s all I’ll ever be.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said, finally. “You might not be concerned about the Red Dragons but I am. They’ll figure out we were responsible for the drugs, mark my words, and we’re going to need to be ready. On top of that, we fell through on our deal with the Corrupt Bastards, they’re not going to take what happened with Jimmy as an excuse for why they’re sitting with a quarter million dollars’ worth of drugs in their laps. I need to get the fuck out of here and smooth shit over with them before they think we were looking to fuck them all along. I will keep on with the methadone until things calm down for the club. The doctor mentioned a clinic, and when the time is right, when I know you don’t need me front and center I’ll kick the methadone on my own. No rehab. I did it once I can do it again,” I assured him.
I diverted my eyes back to his as he nodded in agreement.
“Now, get your ass fucking strong because it’s going to be a wild ride,” he asserted, starting for the door. He paused, turning around and looking at me thoughtfully.