“I’m Lace,” I confirmed.
“You’re the reason he’s breathing,” she rasped.
“Why are you telling me this? My father---“
“I owe it to Blackie,” she interrupted. “He may not agree, probably would deny every word, and if we’re being honest that’s why I haven’t brought myself to see him yet. I can’t look at him and not know how to thank him. He was in bad shape Lacey, real bad, and still he tried to help me. I don’t know how to help him other than this…. admitting a truth, he is too damaged to admit himself. He’s got scars, sweetie, and they run deep,” she paused, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “The man just needs someone to claim his scars.”
“How do you claim a piece of someone when they aren’t willing to give it to you?”
“We all want to be set free from our scars but some of us hold onto them a little longer than others. You can’t force them from him but you shouldn’t give up on him yet,” she said.
I stared at Reina for a moment, digesting her words and trying to find the right ones to say back to her. Thank you didn’t seem enough for the gift she gave me; the reminder of truth my heart already knew but my mind fought. The struggle would be rough, the battle between heart and mind, but I’d keep fighting it with everything in me because Blackie didn’t give up. He fought for Leather and Lace, he fought for me….
I reached out, wrapping my arms around Reina, thankful she came into all of our lives and happy she found the strength to give herself freely to my dad.
There was hope to be found even in the most hopeless of situations.
“Pretty bold move you made,” I stated, staring at Jack as he leaned back, propping one foot against the wall and crossed his arms against his chest. I sat up further, pushing aside the wires connected to my arm and met his gaze head on.
Man to man.
Brother to brother.
He stared me down, choosing his words wisely as I grew increasingly pissed. I wasn’t sure if I was pissed at him for questioning my loyalty or myself for giving him a fucking reason to.
“I didn’t know I was doing such a shit job watching out for Lacey, that you decided to throw Wolf and Pipe on her ass,” I accused.
“Did I say that?” He shook his head. “Did a fine job looking out for my daughter,” he paused, kicking off the wall before taking two strides towards my bed. “Been putting her first for a while, without question, without concern, and I appreciate it Black,” he continued. “You put me and my family, this club…everyone and anything before yourself.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, it’s ‘bout time you put yourself first,” he countered. “Before this shit with Jimmy went south, you told me Reina and Lacey need me breathing, you remember that?”
I cleared my throat, turning my cheek.
I remembered.
I remembered thinking of how torn up Lacey would be if anything happened to her old man. How much I didn’t want to be the man who had to deliver that news to her. I remembered picturing her pretty face and silently vowing to keep her old man safe, keep him coming back to her, because shit, I never wanted to see her fucking cry. Not if there was something I could do about it.
When did that shit change?
When did I go from being the man who prevented the tears to the one who caused them?
“You remember that?” He asked louder this time
“Yeah, Bulldog, I remember,” I turned my eyes back to his. “That shit was no lie,” I hissed. When Jack went away, I was running the club and protecting his interests. I could’ve put one of the guys on Lacey, make another man be the one to look out for her, but I was greedy for the sweet and innocent girl that reminded me of the good things life sometimes threw at men like us, men who were so undeserving of innocence.
“Neither were the words I said to you,” he stressed, rolling his neck from side to side. “I need you breathing,” he seethed. “I made a promise to you when I gave you that patch and made you my left at the table, told you we would clean up the mess Cain put the club in, we’d kick the drugs,” he paused. “And after you laid Christine to rest, you made a promise to her, heard you crying with my own ears when you told her you would clean up, go get help and all that.”
“I did,” I shouted, gripping the sides of the bed angrily as I stared back at him. “I kept my word until Jimmy Gold landed on our doorstep…so did you.”
Drinking didn’t count. I didn’t pick up that habit until I kicked all the others. I didn’t promise anyone I wouldn’t become a drunk. Fair game.