“Wow,” I said.
He continued to hold me tight, and I carefully sat down with him and pointed out some islands and other boats. He was, as always, obsessed with the weather.
“Windy.”
“Yes, it’s windy. But not too bad.”
After a few minutes the girls joined us. Karen, in a pair of white shorts and white deck shoes, looked born for the boat, while Mindy, in standard evil elf attire, looked anything but. She stood over us, holding on tight to the ropes.
“I’m trying to decide when the perfect time to throw up is,” she said.
“Probably after we eat,” Karen said, sitting down next to me.
“That’s what I was thinking.”
Karen smiled, pushed her hair out of her eyes. “So, Daddy-o, you got something to tell us? Some good news about you and Mom?”
“What, no, why, what?” I then realized what she was talking about. “Oh.”
“Oh,” Karen said.
“Your mother cannot keep a secret. No one in this family can.”
“Windy!”
“Yeah, it’s windy, Ethan,” Karen said. “We’re glad for you, Dad.”
“Yeah,” Mindy said. “I was positive you were gay.”
“I have been pledged to secrecy,” I said.
“Windy!”
I ran my hand through Ethan’s hair then smoothed it down. “I don’t know how long he’ll last on this boat. In about an hour, he might try to throw Captain Jack overboard.”
“After an hour with us, Captain Jack might want to throw himself overboard,” Mindy said.
“He’ll be fine,” Karen said. “Uncle Sal bought enough Sprite and pickles to last a month.”
Mindy squatted beside us, and we all looked at the ocean in silence, the wind warm in our faces. Once we cleared the harbor, Captain Jack, in an authentic New England accent, offered a brief history of Maine. I was surprised to learn that there were thousands of islands off the coast of the state.
“A lot of islands,” I said.
“Maybe you and Mom will live on one,” Mindy said. “It will be fun to visit an island.”
I glanced over my shoulder and saw Mary and the Sals busying themselves organizing the food. Sal was holding up a large lobster, examining it. “I’ll mention that to your mother,” I said. “The girls want an island.”
“I better go back there and help,” Karen said, rising. Mindy followed, working her way unsteadily down the ropes.
“Where. Mom. Be?”
“She’s helping get dinner ready.”
“Where. Pickles. Be?”
“They’re coming.”
“Where. Sprite. Be?”
“It’s coming.”
I feared things were on the verge of deteriorating into Question Mode, but Ethan put his face up to the sky. “Windy!”
“Yes. You like the boat?”
“More.”
“We’ll be on it for a while. All of us.”
I pulled him close, thrilled with the look of happiness on his face. The next day we would take him to Ocean View; lay Stinky, Grandpa Bear, and Red Bear on his bed by the window; shoot some baskets in the gym; have lunch in the café; and then all of us would hold one another and weep unabashedly in a sunlit foyer while an aide named Tammy took Ethan by the hand and led him down a hallway. He wouldn’t look over his shoulder when he left, and for that not-so-small miracle, I would always be grateful.
Afterward we would slowly make our way back to the inn, where Mary and I would begin our second chapter while waiting for a month to pass. We would get through that month though, as we always did, day by day, minute by minute, taking the next step together, waiting for Ethan.
But all that was ahead of us as I sat cross-legged on the bow of the boat, moving out toward open sea. Behind me, through the wind, I smelled Sal’s cigar, heard Mindy’s voice and then Karen’s and Mary’s laughs, and at that moment everything was fine. The boat caught a large wave and dipped, and when it did, Ethan raised his arms up to the evening sky.
“It’s. Nice. Outside!” he cried.
“No,” I said, reaching for him. “It’s beautiful outside. It’s beautiful.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Appreciation and a big thank you to a number of people including: my longtime publisher, St. Martin’s, for sticking with me all these years, especially my wonderfully supportive editor, Nichole Argyres, who always makes my books better; and her team, particularly Laura Chasen, who helps keep things moving forward; my agent, Joe Veltre, for his on-target counsel and help on a wide range of issues; Gordon Mennenga, and Tammy Greenwood, for wading through messy early drafts of this book and offering their insight; Stinky Bear, Red Bear, and Grandpa Bear, for their uncompromising friendship over the past twenty years; the people of Elim Christian School who love and support Andrew every day; the folks at JSH&A, especially my partners Jonni, Cheryl, and Deanna, for creating a perfect work/life balance so I can write in the morning; my sons John and Mikey, the best big brothers Andrew could have.
And, of course, Anne, who makes everyday a very good day.