“This. Everything. My not going up there.”
“Oh.” He scooted his chair closer to the table. “Well, we’ve been formulating it for a while, discussing it. Calling one another, putting the, you know, the strategy together. Mary said the trip changed her mind. She knew you could never go through with it though. The girls were starting to come around, and then they saw the place and loved it, so we made the final decision yesterday, decided to give it a shot. It all fell together, the pieces fell together like clockwork. We weren’t supposed to talk about it at dinner last night. See, that was another part of the strategy. Karen’s idea. They didn’t want to upset you, one of your last nights and all. They wanted it to be, you know, all pleasant. A family dinner. The girls, they’re concerned about you, the drinking. They worry about you. They love you. They’re good girls. They love you. That’s got to be nice, huh? Having daughters who love you. Wish they were my daughters.”
“I thought you were here to talk me out of it.”
“Yeah, well, surprise.” He smiled and finished his cup. “Coffee’s good.”
I closed my eyes, wondering what Ethan was seeing, what he was feeling. What did he think of the pool? His room? The gym? Did he shoot his first basket? Did he know that this was where he might spend the rest of his life? Did he know we were going to leave him?
I opened my eyes, stood. “I should be up there now. I’ll be all right.”
“Sit.”
“Sal.”
He pointed at my chair. “You can go tomorrow. Now, sit down now. I promised the girls. Don’t make me get dramatic here. We got enough drama going on today.”
I slowly sat back down.
“They’re just registering him. Paperwork, a physical, and another tour of the place. Let the girls handle it; it’s their turn.” He pushed my cup toward me. “Drink. Relax. Afterward we’ll go walk around, take in the town, get lunch somewhere. This is a real tourist area. Really nice. We got to explore Camden. They say it’s where the mountains meet the sea.”
“I’m not exploring Camden.”
“You gotta lighten up.”
“You think this is easy, sitting here? He’s my son.”
Sal’s face softened at that. He leaned forward with hunched shoulders. “Hey, I know it’s tough. I’ve seen that kid grow up. Been there most of the way. All your kids, the girls. They’re like my kids, like it or not. I know there’s been times when you haven’t liked it. Hell, I know there’s times you haven’t liked me, but you let me be around, and I appreciate it. That was good of you. And with Sally’s health, you, the girls, Ethan, you may be all I got one day.”
He stopped and picked up his cup but put it right back down. When he spoke again, his voice was slower and softer, like he was sharing a secret. “Now, you know, I ain’t Mr. Perfect, no one ever going to call me a saint. But I done some good things. Especially some of the stuff I did with Ethan. I’m good around him. Ball games, the parks. Taking him for hot dogs. Took him to the Bears game that time.” He pointed at me and smiled. “And you told me not to do it, remember that, you made a big stink, but he was fine. The whole time, didn’t make a peep, not a sound, four hours, overtime, taking it all in, big eyes. You drove me nuts, every minute calling, asking how he was doing. We had a great time. Beat Philly. I tell you, I cleaned up that game. Twenty Gs. That spread was all messed up.” He paused, shook his head. “I gotta tell you, he makes me do something good, that’s all I’m saying. A bad guy doing something good. Plus, I mean, I love him, maybe not as much as you, but I love him. I’m his uncle. He’s my nephew, only got one.”
I looked Sal in the eyes, my brother-in-law of more than thirty years, a man I took pains to avoid, who at times, I could barely tolerate. Now this. “You’re not a bad guy,” I managed to say. “Ethan loves you. You’re not a bad guy, Sal.”
My comment must have caught him off guard. He glanced away, embarrassed, then smiled. “Hey, now, don’t go telling no one that. I got a reputation to keep.” He patted my hand once, then went to get more coffee.
*
There are times when you have to rely on other people, sit back and let them help you, be quiet, be appreciative, and stay out of their way. The day we registered Ethan at Ocean View was one of those days, a day that my family came forward, picked me up. I felt helpless, ashamed, but I knew they were right. I didn’t want to go up there and wasn’t sure I could do it the next day.
I spent the rest of the morning and a good part of the afternoon with Sal, walking the streets of Camden in a daze, trying to think things through. We had lunch somewhere and then ended up on a bench that overlooked the harbor.
“Mind if I smoke?” Sal asked.
“It’s fine.”
Sal lit up. “How you doing over there?”