Though I may never have loved Mary more than in that exact moment, and though I was thrilled to see my sweet-sweetie trying to have fun again, I simply could not abide this abomination. “He would never say something like that,” I said.
Mary stopped wiggling Stinky Bear. “Say again, mister?”
“I’m sorry. But if you’re going to do Stinky Bear, do Stinky Bear.” I was, of course, kidding, but … I kind of wasn’t.
“Hey, Mr. Nichols, why don’t you finish your yummy roast-beef sandwich and let me handle this?”
“First off, he would never use a word like yummy, never. And he would never call me Mr. Nichols. He calls me Daddy-o.”
“Okay, Daddy-o.”
“Hey, Mom, you’re kind of weirding us out,” Karen said.
“Well, I’m sorry,” Mary said, her lips stretched and straining.
“Maybe you should try Elvis,” Mindy said.
Mary was not discouraged. “So, sonny boy…”
“Sonny boy?” I asked.
“Ethan, what are you eating for—”
Before Mary could finish, Ethan snatched Stinky and solemnly presented him to me.
“Sorry,” I said. Everyone, including Mary, laughed as I assumed the Stinky Bear reins. “Thanks, girl, for trying,” he said. “While we appreciate the effort, you better leave Stinky to professionals like Daddy-o. You could hurt yourself.”
“Point taken, Stinky Bear,” Mary said.
“By the way,” Stinky said. “You look pretty nice today. I like it when you wear your hair down.”
“Thank you, Stinky.” Mary bit into her sandwich
“Yeah, you sure look good to me.”
“Hey, Stinky, you got the hots for Mom?” Karen asked.
I nodded Stinky’s head. “Always have,” he said. “And always will.”
*
The brief ride through New Hampshire was one of the most pleasant of the trip. It was a beautiful summer day, the sky blue, endless; the road, sun-drenched and open. Karen drove at a good easy pace as we made our way over hills. Most important, Ethan had slipped back into a deep and wondrous Quiet Zone, drawing in the backseat while Mary dozed next to him. Every so often I would hear his watch beeping, which continually fascinated and delighted him.
While I sponged up the scenery, Mindy and Karen fell into an odd conversation, odd because it didn’t include questions of where we were eating or staying that night.
“All I’m saying is that we have too many states,” Mindy said. “It’s a waste. We should condense them.”
Karen agreed. “Yeah. We probably don’t need North and South Dakota. Both of them.”
“Exactly. Look at where we are, New England, all these, little, tiny, mini-states. I mean, does Rhode Island really need a governor? Rhode Island? That’s like being governor of my patio.”
“You have a patio?”
“Yeah, I’m in a walk-up now.”
Karen was about to respond, when her phone went off. She glanced down. “Shit.”
“Banana Dick? Mr. Chiquita?”
“Mr. Chiquita.”
“Fuck him.”
“I did that for five years, and it wasn’t any fun.”
“Hey,” I said. “In case you’ve forgotten, your father is sitting back here. Your father.”
Karen’s phone kept ringing. “Damn him!” She lowered her window and held it outside, about to drop it.
“Do it, girl!” Mindy said.
“No, stop, stop!” I yelled. “Those things are expensive. Come on. Just don’t answer it.”
Karen brought her hand back in and raised her window.
“Do it!” Mindy said. “Cut the cord! It’s the only connection you still have with him. He can’t find you without that phone. Cut the cord! You’re a Free Girl Now. Tom Petty. Do it, girl!”
Karen lowered her window. “I like that song.”
“Karen Elaine Nichols! Do not throw that phone out! Do you hear me? Do not! It’s expensive, and you’ll hit another car.” I reached forward and tried to grab the phone, which, by now, had stopped buzzing. “Just give it to me. Give it to me.”
“Give it here,” Mindy said. “I’ll throw it out.”
Karen dangled the phone out the window, considering. Then with a backward flick of her wrist, she dropped it.
“Free Girl Now,” she said.
“Karen!” Over my shoulder I caught a glimpse of the phone breaking into pieces on the highway. “I can’t believe you just did that! What if a car were coming?”
“No cars were coming,” Karen said.
“Wow!” Ethan cried from the far backseat. He was slapping my headrest, delighted. “Wow! Wow! Wow! Outside! All. Gone!”
Mindy and Karen exchanged high fives.
“What happened?” It was Mary from the back. She had pulled her earphones out and was struggling to sit up. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Go back to sleep,” I said. “You just missed some irresponsible and dangerous stupidity, that’s all. Nothing out of the ordinary.”
“It’s so cramped back here. I can’t move. We have to get rid of some of these things.”
“Hey, Ethan, come up with me,” I said. “Come on, we’ll look at the pictures. Come on, let’s give Mom some more room.”
Ethan happily scooted up to the middle, where I buckled him. I was just beginning to search for the photo album when my phone went off. I froze. Rita, it could be no one else.