“He died right on top of me.”
I came to a hard stop, a fake smile frozen on my face. I had anticipated her saying any number of things, but obviously not this. Speechless, I peered into the restaurant, thought I saw Mary peering back, then finally forced a laugh and said, “Well, that is interesting.”
“We were talking about getting engaged.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I really am.”
“I don’t think I can go on. I don’t think I can. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I don’t think I can do this.”
I kept up with the smiling and shook my head, not sure if Mary was watching. “Yes, you can. I’m sure you can. Listen, not a good time. Really not a good time. But I will call you later, I promise.”
“Don’t hang up. Please John, don’t.”
“I understand what you’re saying, but I really have to go, really do. But I promise I’ll call.” I threw my head back, forced out yet another laugh, and turned off the phone.
*
The day went south after that. Ethan, exhausted from another day on the road, became fretful the second we were back in the van. Shoving my worries about Rita aside, I worked to change his mood, furiously running through a number of classic Stinky Bear routines, including my special-occasion, tour de force: Stinky waking up Grandpapa Bear by farting in his ear.
Unlike the day before, however, Ethan wasn’t impressed, and continued to whine, yell, and occasionally pinch me. I kept at it for close to an hour, until, mouth dry, head pounding, I finally ran out of steam.
“Do. Now?”
“We have to stop,” I said. “Someone else has to take him.”
“Eat. I. Starving! Eat. Now!”
“You’re not hungry, Ethan. We just ate.” I turned away from him and looked out my window at Connecticut or New York or Massachusetts; I had no idea where the hell we were.
“It’s my turn,” Mary called from the front seat. “I can take him.”
“Thanks. Stop. Pull over.”
Mindy, who was driving, mumbled something and kept going.
“Mindy, stop so we can switch, okay?” I yelled.
Mindy glanced back. “I said I don’t want to stop on the road. Next exit.”
“Do. Now?”
I sat back, rubbed my temples. “Nothing, Ethan. Look at the clouds. It might rain. Or snow. If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll have an earthquake and it will swallow us all.”
“Do! Next?”
“I don’t know. Here, here!” I rooted around on the floor, reached into the bag of oranges, and held one out to him. “Do you want this? I can peel—” Before I could finish, he snatched the orange and, with his perfect aim, threw a hard strike at Mindy, hitting her squarely in the back of the head. She jerked forward, and the van veered off the road, toward a steep ditch.
An explosion of chaos followed. Mary tried to take the wheel. Karen covered her head with her arms and cried out, “We’re falling!” Ethan became hysterical, grabbing at my neck. When I felt us tipping over, I closed my eyes and braced for impact.
“Hold on!” I yelled.
Miraculously, we didn’t tip. Instead we skidded down into the bottom of the ditch, where we rocked back and forth to a stop.
No one made a sound. Both Karen and Mary had their faces buried in their hands. Mindy stared straight ahead, gripping the wheel. Even Ethan was quiet.
Finally Karen asked, “Is everyone okay?”
Mary turned around. “John?”
Heart racing, I glanced down at Ethan, whose head was now in my lap, eyes silent, scared. “We’re fine,” I said. “No one’s hurt. He didn’t mean it. Everything’s okay.”
Mindy apparently didn’t see it quite that way. She slammed her fists onto the steering wheel. “I can’t take this anymore! I just can’t take this anymore! Look what he does to us! Look what he’s doing to us! He almost killed us, killed us!” She continued to pound the steering wheel with a ferocity I had never seen from her before.
Mary reached for her. “Mindy! Please!”
“Leave me alone!” she screamed. “Just leave me alone. I can’t do this anymore. I’m going home. I’ll get a ride. I’ll walk. I don’t care. But I can’t do this anymore. Every minute is crazy, every minute is nuts. Who can live like this? Who? No one can! We don’t deserve this; no one does. I could never have friends over. We never went anywhere. We couldn’t talk in our own home. Talk! Our whole lives we’ve been held hostage—our whole lives! It never changes and it never stops!”
She started to cry, and this ignited Ethan, who began to cry as well.
“Mindy, you’re upsetting him!” I yelled.
“Upsetting him? Upsetting him! Are you fucking kidding me?” With that, she jumped out of the van and climbed up a nearby embankment by the side of the highway.
I tried to calm Ethan. “Someone has to get her. I can’t. I’m stuck back here.”