I took a deep breath. “I may have questioned Father Gabriel.”
“You may have?” He asked, still too calm. “You don’t know?”
I stood and moved away from him. Holding on to the back of the chair for support, I replied, “I’d forgotten what day of the week it was. I mean, every day is the same. When he said he wanted me at service, I forgot it was Wednesday. I was shocked he meant tonight.”
“And what did you say?”
“I repeated tonight, and my tone may have sounded like a question, because Brother Timothy made a noise. As soon as he did, I realized what I’d done, and I said it again and told him that I’d be happy to be there. I added with your permission. I tried to make it seem like I didn’t question”—my run-on sentence was interrupted only by muffled sobs—“but I did.” I took a breath. “And after he left, I whispered a curse word to Elizabeth, which apparently makes me vulgar.” I confessed the last part dejectedly.
“Oh! I didn’t know about the swearing.”
I nodded with a sigh.
“Is there anything else?”
“Yes,” I might as well admit everything. “Brother Timothy never spoke while he was here. I didn’t even know it was him with Father Gabriel until later when I asked Elizabeth. I said I thought it was rude of him to not announce his presence”—I shrugged—“since I can’t see. And, well, she reminded me that as women we aren’t owed men’s words, and thinking I was owed them made me prideful.”
Jacob lifted my chin. “If I’m keeping count, we now have questioning, vulgarity, and pridefulness. You did have an eventful afternoon.”
I shrugged, completely thrown off by his calm tone. “Will we still be going to service?”
“Yes.”
Maybe that is all there is. Maybe I just need to confess?
“May I get ready?”
“Do you really think I can let this behavior pass?”
My heartbeat came back to my ears, echoing louder than before as my body began to tremble. What was he going to do? “I’m very sorry. I am trying.”
“Yes, Sara, you are. While the vulgarity and pridefulness are new, we’ve been working on the questioning for some time now.”
“And I’m getting bet—”
His finger touched my lips.
“There is still room for improvement. Don’t you agree?”
With his finger still in place, I nodded.
“I believe it’s time for a lesson in consequences, a punishment to help you remember.”
Though his hand hadn’t moved, I leaned slightly away. “Please, I promise—” This time he covered my mouth completely.
“Sara, do not make this worse. This is the way it is. You knew that there would be correction when you confessed, didn’t you?”
I nodded. Though I’d hoped otherwise, I’d known.
“If we were home, we’d do this in our bedroom, but since we’re here, go to the bathroom and prepare.”
He released his hold, but I didn’t move. I couldn’t. Fear paralyzed my trembling body.
“Sara?”
“I-I don’t know what you want me to do.”
“Go into the bathroom, remove your clothes, and wait for me.”
“But what about service?” My inner monologue screamed, calling me by name: Sara, stop asking questions! “I’m sorry.” As I took a step toward the bathroom, a sob bubbled from my chest. “I told you everything. I was honest.” I couldn’t have hidden the defeat from my voice if I’d wanted.
I did as he said, entered the bathroom, removed my clothes, and waited. When he didn’t come, I found my robe and put it over my shoulders. I didn’t put my arms in the sleeves, but I didn’t like being naked and alone. I wasn’t sure how long he made me wait, but each minute was worse than the one before. When the door finally opened, I was sitting on the closed toilet, with my head down.
“Take my hand,” he commanded.
I reached out to him. As our hands connected, I stood and my robe fell from my shoulders. Silently he moved me to the sink and turned me to face it.
“Put your hands on the edge of the vanity and don’t let go of the counter, until I give you permission. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I replied, my trembling hands moist. When I gripped the edge, they slid upon the smooth surface. I gripped tighter.
“Move your legs back and apart. Brace yourself.”
I continued to obey, still unsure of what was about to happen. It was then that I heard the distinct sound of his belt as he unbuckled it and pulled it from each loop.
No! This can’t be happening!
My knees went weak. I bit my lip and fell forward onto the counter, still gripping the edge. The first contact wasn’t his belt, but his hand. He ran it over my behind, rubbing and warming my skin.
“Sara, your honesty has earned you leniency. However, it’s my job to watch over you and correct you.” He continued caressing. “I need you to remember your place, especially now that we’ll be out among more followers. I want you to remember the rules. I’m doing this to help you. Do you understand?”