“I believe you. Your honesty is part of this equation. Sara, we’ve always been honest with one another. Don’t let this problem with your memory change that.”
I still didn’t like the premise, but his explanation and absolution eased a bit of my apprehension. “Thank you for explaining. I’m sorry that I don’t remember all of the rules. I’ll try.” I wanted to remember. I also liked this Jacob, the one who explained things. I wanted him on my side.
“I know you will. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Sara.” His tone changed when he said my name, clearly meaning that whatever he was about to say was beyond question. “No more talking, and be cognizant of your nonverbal responses to Sister Lilith’s questions.”
I nodded.
“Very good,” Jacob said, petting my hair as he stood. The bed shifted and the warmth of his body against mine vanished. The tangible void sent a chill through me, reminding me that soon I’d be left alone—alone with Sister Lilith.
“Brother Jacob?”
Warmth returned as I grinned toward the sound of Raquel’s now familiar voice from the doorway. It wasn’t the first time she’d entered my room today. She’d been in earlier to help with my shower. Well, not really with my shower. Jacob had done that. She’d helped by putting whatever she used over my cast to keep it dry. Jacob was the one who’d washed my body. I’d expected to remember his touch, but I hadn’t. It didn’t feel wrong—it felt foreign, but then again, so did everything else.
Just now, when he’d kissed my hand, the sensation was different, unexpected—soft and affectionate. I liked that side of my husband. That was the side that made me feel safe and loved. I blushed at the memory of his using that word, saying that we loved one another. Even if I didn’t remember, I was loved.
Lost in my thoughts, I’d forgotten my plan to be a sponge and missed part of Raquel and Jacob’s conversation.
“. . . I want that made perfectly clear.” I didn’t need to hear Jacob’s entire speech. I knew what he was emphasizing.
“I will,” Raquel replied. “I’d be happy to stay with Sara, to make this easier for her on her first day. Sister Lilith can’t deny my presence, if you authorize it.”
My heart leaped. I wanted it, but she wasn’t asking me. Actually, she wasn’t asking Jacob either—she was offering. Sucking my lower lip between my teeth, I made a mental note to think about semantics later and waited for his response. There was definitely a trick to being a . . . what did he call it? . . . a woman of The Light.
“Thank you.” He sighed with relief. “By the smile on my wife’s face, if she’d stop biting that lip, I think she’d be happy to have you.” He tugged my lip free. “Remember my rules.”
I nodded, grinning over his answer.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” His lips brushed the top of my head, then the door opened and he was gone.
“Sara,” Raquel said once we were alone. “Are you nervous about this? You’ve done it before; we all have. It’s pretty standard for one of the Commission wives to do a review after an incident. Father Gabriel believes that it helps all of us stay focused on his teachings. After something as traumatic as your accident, evil thoughts could try to confuse your mind. If you didn’t go through a review, others in the community could question your commitment, and that could lead to dissent. The Light practices a single mind-set of enlightenment, all working as one, doing God’s work, and fulfilling Father Gabriel’s teaching.” She giggled lightheartedly. “Oh, listen to me going on. I know you know all of that. Feel free to reach out and push me if I talk too much.”
I wanted to tell her I didn’t know, or at least I didn’t remember. Either way, I appreciated her talking. I was also relieved to learn that this wasn’t specifically about me. It was common protocol.
Hoping she was watching, I mouthed, Thank you.
“Oh, you say that now,” she answered, as if I’d spoken. “After a few hours of listening to her read Father Gabriel’s word and preaching at you, you won’t be thanking me.” She pulled the blankets back and moved the wheelchair close. “Brother Jacob must have brought you some more nightgowns. I meant to say something earlier. That’s a great color on you.”
Really? What color is it?
I reached over to my braid.
“You’re good at that. Or did Brother Jacob do it?”
I shook my head with an amused grin.