As he carried me back to bed with the pole following close behind, I contemplated his answer. Why would I need to ask for everything? I don’t remember my age, but I’m an adult.
Settling back onto my bed, I took a deep breath and did as he’d said. “May I have a drink?”
He didn’t respond as I heard him maneuver the IV pole back to the other side of my bed and felt him straighten my blankets. Just as I debated asking again, a straw touched my lips. I sucked, wanting to reach out and hold the cup, but cautious that I’d be corrected. Unsure when I’d have another opportunity, I continued drinking as long as he offered. It wasn’t until air filled the straw that he took it away.
“Thank you.”
“We do have more to discuss, but you haven’t officially been cleared to speak.”
I nodded, waiting for more.
“For right now, you may speak only to me and only when we’re alone. Is that understood?”
“Yes.”
“Sara, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. No one has the authority to override my rules. No one except Father Gabriel. Remember that.”
I nodded.
“This is of the utmost importance.” He lifted my hand and intertwined our fingers. “Who is your husband?”
“You.”
“And who makes your rules?”
Heaviness filled my chest. Though I didn’t like the answer I was about to utter, I’d learned my lesson—or Sara’s lesson—and didn’t hesitate. “You do.”
“What will happen if you disobey me?” His warm hand tensed as he waited for my answer.
“You’ll correct me.” I hated the words the second they left my mouth, but by the way his lips brushed my forehead, it was the right answer, or at least the one he wanted. “May I please rest?” I didn’t want to talk anymore.
He petted my hair. “I’ll put the bed back a little so you can sleep.” As it began to recline, he said, “Sara, I want what’s best for you. The responsibility that Father Gabriel and God bestowed upon me as your husband is great. A component of that responsibility is your correction. It’s only one part of the overall picture, but it’s a part I’ve always taken seriously. We don’t want another incident like the one that got you in this bed. To help you, I won’t hesitate to reinforce your obedience. Remember that.”
The bed stopped, and my thoughts drifted to the ache in my cheek. Obviously he wouldn’t hesitate.
“As long as you behave appropriately,” he continued, “you have nothing to fear. Father Gabriel often says that this arrangement is a blessing for wives. As a wife you don’t question. By doing as you’re told, you’re relieved of the responsibility of decisions. Correction is at my discretion, and once it is delivered, the transgression is over. For example, today’s outburst, your disobedience with speaking—you’ve been punished and it’s done. Once the correction is complete, you no longer need to feel guilty. It’s as if it never happened. It’s a blessing. Don’t you agree?”
Though I was sleepy, his explanation ricocheted around my brain. I didn’t agree. I wasn’t a child or a pet. Nevertheless I saw the appeal of putting things behind us and moving on. Then I remembered what Brother Timothy had said, that only Father Gabriel could decide if my punishment was complete. The anticipation of what was yet to come was unnerving. Instead of answering I asked, “Are corrections always corporal?”
“See what I mean? Isn’t it better to not worry about that and move on?”
I was fading into sleepiness. I wasn’t sure if the answer I was about to utter was mine or Sara’s, but either way, it felt like the easiest way to end this discussion and allow me to rest. “Yes, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now get some sleep.”
I nodded against the pillow. I didn’t want to think about the people with the strange familial titles or about governing bodies that held unknown power. As much as I hated myself for condoning any part of Jacob’s correction, I was thankful that my outburst was behind us. For my sanity I needed to fall asleep thinking about the man who’d defended and helped me, not the husband I couldn’t remember who claimed to be my disciplinarian.
Is that what Sara did? Is that how she survived?
CHAPTER 8
Sara
I can do this . . .