Instead of You



I had the best friends. Seriously. My love for Becca and Holly only bloomed under their gentle care. They’d spent the entire day trying to make me feel better. They’d fed me, entertained me, and even given me a makeover, determined to take me out and find me some warm body to make me forget about Hayes. I wasn’t opposed to their plan. I’d been with a few people since starting college, and all of them were just guys I’d used to fill a void. I never dated anyone and never started a relationship. In fact, one night was the most I’d spent with anyone in three years. I wasn’t proud of my track record, but sometimes I was so tired of feeling numb, that any emotion would do. Lust was a perfect distraction, even if it was attached to a person who didn’t care if they ever saw me again. At least with those men, I knew the score before the game ever started.

I was four drinks in and we were dancing in a trio in the middle of a club. The music was loud enough I could hardly hear my thoughts about Hayes pinging around my brain. That did not, however, stop my brain from imagining him everywhere. So I closed my eyes.

I wasn’t drunk, but I was definitely buzzed. Dancing with my eyes closed made everything sway more, and I had to concentrate even harder on not tipping over, since Holly had convinced me to wear shoes with heels so high it was difficult to walk in them without alcohol in my system.

Suddenly there were hands on my hips and a hard body pressed into my back. My first thought was that perhaps it was Hayes. Maybe he’d found me. But I knew immediately it wasn’t him because the hands felt foreign and my body didn’t instantly come alive at his touch. My eyes opened to see Becca in front of me, giving me a thumbs-up, mouthing the words “He’s cute” at me.

I reached down and placed my hands over his, trying to convince myself that his touch didn’t make my brain scream, “He’s not Hayes!”

I kept moving to the music and felt him lean forward a bit, his mouth coming to touch the shell of my ear.

“I’ve been watching you and your friends for a while. You’re the hottest girl here and I couldn’t understand why you were dancing alone.” His fingers gave my waist a squeeze. “What’s your name?”

“McKenzie,” I said loudly.

His hands suddenly spun me around, which I didn’t appreciate since the heels needed a little more thought and practice than he’d allowed. “Hi,” he said with a smile. He was cute. But he was all wrong. His hair was too light, his face too round, he wasn’t tall enough, and he just wasn’t Hayes. “I’m Paul.”

“Hi,” I said, trying to smile.

“Wanna get out of here?”

I leaned a little closer to him so I didn’t have to yell. “I’m here with my friends tonight. Girls’ night.” I smiled again, but this time it was an apologetic smile, and pointed over my shoulder to Becca and Holly.

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. They want you to have a good time, right?”

He was cute and a little bit charming, and I imagined that lots of girls would take him up on his offer. Hell, last week I might have. But I knew I couldn’t go home with anyone. Not while Hayes was saturating every thought I had.

“Thanks, but I’m going to have to pass.” He shrugged with a smile, but then turned and wandered off, perhaps looking for a more willing participant.

Suddenly the noise of the music and the heat of the people all around were too much. I was wobbly and sweaty and I just needed one moment of peace and quiet.

“I’m gonna go on the patio for a minute,” I yelled in Holly’s ear. “I’ll be back in a few.”

“Want us to come with you?” she asked, still happily bobbing to the music.

“I’ll be all right.”

She gave me a thumbs-up and then I went to the bar, waited for a glass of water, then headed for the patio doors. Thankfully, there were only two other people outside and they were huddled together in the far corner, making out.

I took a long drink of my water, knowing I’d thank myself in the morning for it, and I pulled my phone from my pocket. I activated the screen and pulled up my contacts. I thumbed down until Hayes’s name was highlighted, and then I paused.

I hadn’t called him once since he’d left for Montana and I had no idea if his number was still the same, but I’d been thinking about calling him all day. Not once, in three years, had I called him. But knowing he was in the same town as me made me itch to reach out. I was afraid it could only lead to more heartache, but at that point, everything hurt anyway.

I pressed the call button and held the phone up to my ear, fully expecting to hear an angry stranger yell at me for calling so late, or to be sent to an unfamiliar voice mail.

What I didn’t expect was to hear Hayes’s voice.

“McKenzie?”