I wouldn't be the reason for any more death or hurting.
Tonight was the only night Pim and I could be together. And then, once she’d claimed her body and used me however she pleased, I would tell her about her mother.
I would sail her to England.
I would set Phantom on a course and travel far, far away from her.
I would hunt the Chinmoku and forget about this entire fucking disaster.
For her sake.
And for mine.
Giving her a sad smile, I beckoned her to come back to me. Begged her. Promised her. “Your choice, Pim. Yes or no.”
Chapter Thirty
______________________________
Pim
I TRADED CORRIDOR for hotel room.
What the hell am I doing?
I padded behind a man I thought was invincible but had revealed his mortal flaw.
What the hell am I thinking?
I followed him as he moved toward the bed, and, without a word, pulled his t-shirt over his head. Unbuckling his jeans and stepping out of the denim and boxer-briefs, he was just as regal, just as proud, just as majestic as he had been that night he’d jumped overboard for a midnight swim.
I shouldn’t do this.
Naked, Elder pulled the covers back and bunched them at the bottom of the bed. Sitting on the mattress, he swung his long legs to horizontal, and with a pained look, lay down.
I should leave.
With a clenched jaw, he held up a black rope, shiny with quality and soft as silk. He didn’t give me commandments on what he wanted me to do. He merely draped it over his inked belly, arched his arms above his head, and clasped his fingers around the spindles of the French baroque four-poster bed.
Don’t you dare, Pim.
I ignored my jumpy terror and rapid winged heartbeat. My body had become a fortress—expecting the worst kind of things the moment Elder had revealed the bondage, erecting turrets and gun posts. I was ready to run and fight and maim.
But that was before he turned everything I knew into an opposite.
He would be bound.
Not me.
He would be at mercy.
Not me.
What does that mean?
I couldn’t understand.
I’d always been the one taken from. I had no concept of how sex would work with the male granting all control.
The word submissive popped into my head, just like it had when he’d allowed me to kiss him on the Phantom.
I drank Elder in.
Once again, it was the wrong word.
Elder might order me to tie him up, but he was not submissive. Never.
The tameless glare in his eyes was that of a predator behind bars: contained for now but just waiting for the right moment to strike. His body didn’t lie sedately; it hummed with twisted energy, crackling with desires he refused to bow to.
Elder was not submissive.
He was the most dominant man I’d ever met, and the fact he’d ask me to trap him in rope hinted he was afraid—not of me but himself.
This wasn’t a game.
This wasn’t just sex.
This was his life. His sanity in the gift of pleasure.
My entire body quaked as the fortress I stood in threatened to shatter into rubble or fortify its walls, depending on my acceptance.
Can I do this?
Will I do this?
His stomach rose and fell as I approached the bed.
Turn around.
My hand shook as I reached for his sublime nakedness and focused, not on the hardening erection between his thighs or the whorls of black hair travelling to his naval, but on the equally black rope coiled like a cobra on his belly.
Don’t do this.
He shivered as I pinched the end and teased the rope from him. The threads were cool and surprisingly erotic—nothing like the coarse twine Alrik had used or the brutal chains he’d favoured.
Chains.
There were chains.
Looking around the room, I noticed the pile of glinting links on the coffee table, half strewn onto the floor. I knew without a doubt if I did this—if I stood any chance of doing this—chains could not be a part of it.
Looping the rope through my fingers, I bowed my head. “Just this. Nothing else.”
Elder flinched at my voice but slowly nodded. “Tie it tight, and there won’t be a need for anything else.”
I shivered, balancing on needles of worry. How had tonight changed from Elder holding me. Elder kissing me. Elder making love to me. To Elder leaving me all alone with my memories.
He wouldn’t hold me. He wouldn’t kiss me. He wouldn’t make love to me.
I would be on my own.
Will my mind stay with him or flee?
How did I think I’d have the confidence to use him like Alrik used me? How would I have sex with someone rather than them having sex with me?
It was too strange, too foreign, not right…
Elder sighed heavily, his gaze locking on the ceiling. He didn’t direct or condemn me for my hesitation, or question the decision I still fought to come to.
This isn’t me…
With trembling hands, I reached forward and looped the black rope around his right wrist.
But maybe that’s a good thing…
He froze. He stopped breathing.
He doesn’t want this…
My knees locked as Elder’s eyes met mine. “Do it.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I can.”
“Then you can’t, and this is over.”
The pain at not having him—not feeling the wondrous fullness of him again—gave me a shot of confidence. With my teeth clamped together, I threaded the rope through the bedhead and tied it tight.
I knew knots.
I knew because they’d been used on me.
Elder gave me an agonised smile followed by a nod of sick approval. “And the other.”
This is insane.
Don’t you think you’re screwed up enough without doing this?
I listened to the rattle in my chest as I breathed far too heavy and hard, drenching my blood in oxygen, making the room spin.
But I didn’t back away. I didn’t free him. I obeyed and wrapped the rest of the rope around his left wrist and imprisoned him to the bed and submission.
Submission.
That awfully misleading word again.
Elder had given himself entirely to me to do whatever I wanted. He visibly shook with how much this cost him.
He was in my every thought, every breath, every action.
He controlled me more than anyone ever had.
He dominated, ruled, and mastered me.
I’m not alone.
As I moved away from the bed, my eyes fell to the proud erection, stiff and shiny on his muscular belly.
His eyes met mine, darker than a black canyon and just as vast. Every inch of me tingled and sparkled and not necessarily in good ways.
When I didn’t move, he licked his lips. “Let me see you.”
His voice touched me rather than his hands. His voice would be my anchor tonight.
Trust it…trust him…trust yourself.
My hands crept up to the straps of my dress then paused.
If I did this…there was no going back.
Elder tested my knots, his hands jerking hard. The rope didn’t give; he remained tethered. With dangerous eyes, he looked me up and down. “Just because I’m not able to touch you doesn’t mean you can take all night, Pimlico.” His cock jerked on his belly. “Strip for me. Now.”