“Pim.” I bit her name into fragments, my voice octaves lower than normal, borderline beast.
“Can…can I kiss you?” She looked up at me through eyelashes that didn’t need mascara or shadow to make her the prettiest, sexiest fucking creature I’d ever seen.
I balled my hands.
No.
Get away from me.
I nodded stiffly.
She came closer, but I didn’t bend for her to reach my mouth. I didn’t buckle when her hands landed on my chest in a questing plea for me to do the kissing, to take charge.
Christ, Pim…don’t you know what you’re asking of me?
The calamity just waiting to unfurl slammed into me.
Threes and itches and pandemonium.
I shot back, dragging both hands over my face. “I can’t do this.”
She froze, agony and rejection shawling her. “Oh…” Breath by breath, she shut down until no hopeful light remained in her eyes. I hated every second of it, but I meant what I said. I would stand by it once and for all.
I could have something once.
That was my rule.
My one strict and fast rule.
I’d already broken it and had her twice.
But there is another way…
I wished I hadn’t gone to the house on the hill. I wished I hadn’t found the blasphemous mess, or foreseen how this night would go. I wished I hadn’t brought something that would give me another chance at granting Pim what she wanted, while somehow tricking my mind into believing my laws hadn’t been broken.
Tearing my eyes from her, my heart seized for how I’d hurt her already. I glanced at the bamboo box condemning me on the bedside table.
Pim followed my attention, a question landing on her features. Before she could ask, I strode toward the box, unlocked it with the tiny key beside it, and pulled out the secrets inside.
Keeping them hidden behind my back, I moved toward her. “I’ll kiss you…under one condition.”
She wrapped her arms around herself, already preparing for the worst. “What condition?”
I wasn’t ready to show her. “We’ll have sex tonight…if you obey.”
Her lips pursed at the wording I’d chosen.
Not I’d fuck her or make love to her. We’d have sex. She would have to be an active participant. I wouldn’t be the one doing the taking like last time…because that one-time pass had been used.
However, there was a loop-hole in my law.
A crazy concept and not backed by rational response but would hopefully keep me sane.
“How do I have to obey?” She arched her neck, doing her best to see around me. “What are you hiding?”
It was now or never.
Bringing my arms forward, I revealed what I’d taken from my home.
The clink of chains and whisper of silk ropes cascaded from my palms. “This is my condition.”
Her mouth dropped open, terror springing bright and stark. She backpedalled so fast she tripped, landing on her ass. She didn’t make a sound even as she landed awkwardly, once again silent as the mouse I’d stolen.
Instinct made me dart toward her. I grabbed her with my hands full of bondage, hoisting her to her feet. “Are you hurt?”
“Don’t touch me!” She shoved me away, her face wild and white. “You—you want to tie me up? You want to hurt me? Like him?” Tears welled in her eyes, becoming a mirror where I saw myself, saw how unhinged I’d already become, how desperate for her to understand.
“No.” I shook my head. “Never.”
She didn’t hear me. “You want to strap me? Imprison me? What was this? A sick joke? All this time, you let me believe that you were different. That you weren’t going to hurt me—”
I was many things, but I wasn’t tolerant when it came to being called a liar or a sadist. “I am different. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Liar!” She darted to the door, her hands fumbling with the lock and chain she herself had put on once room service had left so we wouldn’t be disturbed. “I can’t believe I thought you were different.”
“Pim…”
The chain fell away. The heavy lock clicking open under her terrified fingers. “No! Get away from me!”
Clutching the ropes, I stormed after her. “Pim. Listen to me.”
“No! Let me out of here.” She bolted out the door, barefoot and manic. No guards stood outside to witness our dispute. No Selix to yank Pim away from me because he would see the fucking mess I was in already. He wouldn’t let her ruin me further.
It was just us.
Just me to fix this.
I chased her to the threshold but stopped, bracing myself against the door as she ran down the corridor. “It’s for me.”
She didn’t hear, too intent on escape and the elevators.
I hated her for making me shout, but I did because if I never saw her again, I didn’t want her cataloguing me as yet another monster from her past. “It’s for me, Pim.”
Her feet slammed to a stop, twirling her around with untamed hair and blotchy-terror filled skin. “Wh-what?”
I sighed, hating her all the more. “I won’t do this unless you restrain me.”
She dashed at tears sticking to her cheeks. “I-I don’t understand.”
My fingernails dug into the doorjamb as if I could shred it into pieces. She wouldn’t understand because she hadn’t fully comprehended the man she lived with. The man she’d given her trust to.
I deserved her trust, even if many people would disagree. And I wouldn’t ruin that trust by proving I was a liar.
“I fucked you last time. I took from you.” I hung my head, drained beyond belief, and we hadn’t even kissed yet. “I can’t do that again.”
She took a step toward me. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying if you want this, you have to take from me.”
When she didn’t move, I added, “It’s the only way I’ll do this, Pim. Tie me up, use me however you want. Find your pleasure through whatever means necessary. I’ll be with you every step. I’ll talk to you. I’ll command you. But I won’t physically touch you.” I sighed. “And once we’re through, that’s it. No more. I’m not messing around. I’m not making up stupid rules for the sake of making this harder than it already is. It’s this way or no way. Your call.”
Backing into the room, I pushed the door wider in welcome. “Fuck me or don’t, little mouse. But understand that there can only ever be tonight. I won’t be responsible for what will happen if I break that vow.”
Ducking to grab a fallen piece of rope, I held it up, my skin already crawling and my cock already throbbing at the thought of her being utterly in control.
That was my loop-hole.
Last time, I’d been in control.
This time, she would be.
A single time in both dimensions.
A first time, not a repeat.
And then it would be done.
My free passes redeemed and no more to use.
I’d made the mistake of believing I could control myself around my family, around the hobbies I’d loved and the crime I fell into.
Each time, I’d been wrong.
Each time, I’d fucked up.
I’d finally learned my lesson, and I wouldn’t let it happen again.
I’d fallen into my obsession too deep, too fast, and I’d been the reason my father and brother were killed.