A part of me rolled its eyes.
You seriously want to apologise to the man who took you without consent?
Tossing my notepad and pen onto the bed, I gathered the white robe draped over the sheets and shrugged it on. This time, I didn’t let thoughts of claustrophobia take away the warmth of clothing cloaking me.
From now on, I was normal. And normal girls wore clothing.
Elder might’ve taken me without consent, but by doing so, he’d shown me a horizon of courage hidden above the fractured ceiling of my mind.
Apologising to him, dressing in public, and thanking him for his hospitality were the right things to do. Everything else—the lingering glances, the tummy-fluttering kisses, the tear-invoking cello—could be worked through now that I was in a healthier place.
My note to No One lay discarded on the bed, and I had no desire to finish it. I needed to learn how to survive without a silent pen pal as my crutch.
Padding to the bathroom, I inspected my reflection.
For no sleep, I didn’t look too bad. Only slight shadows under my eyes and tangled hair from running hands through it when my thoughts gave me a headache.
Yesterday, I’d still been Pimlico.
Tonight, I would try to be more Tasmin.
Despite what’d happened between us—or perhaps because of it—I was stronger and more alive since I’d woken on the Phantom and in Elder’s realm.
I turned on the hot water, slipped from the robe, and stepped into the shower.
As soapy bubbles decorated my skin, I made the choice to stop my past dictating my future. The minute I was clean, I would head to the top deck, seek Elder out, and see where this new beginning would take us.
Chapter Three
______________________________
Elder
“SIR?”
Selix entered my quarters.
I’d spent most of the day finishing the sketches for Alrik’s yacht. Just because he was dead didn’t mean I wouldn’t complete his paid-for vessel. I always upheld my end of the business transactions. However, it just meant this new creation would find a different owner.
I put down my pencil and cricked my neck. “Yes?”
“She just appeared on deck. I know you didn’t ask for news but thought you’d want to know.”
I frowned. I wasn’t entirely sure why he thought I’d want to know. As far as he was concerned, today was just another day, and nothing had happened. He didn’t know what I’d done…does he?
Standing, I narrowed my eyes at my right-hand man and friend. “She can be on deck if she wishes.” We’d sailed leisurely all afternoon. There was no bad weather on the horizon like the storm we’d endured together. Pim could do whatever she damn well wanted while I stayed the hell away.
“Of course.” Selix clasped his hands in front of him, his long hair untethered and inky over his shoulders. “Just thought I’d update you. Also, I took the liberty of telling the kitchen to serve a light dinner.”
My temper spiked. “Did I say I was hungry?”
Selix smirked, knowing he’d overstepped but not giving a shit. “No, but you haven’t eaten. And, according to the maid, she hasn’t eaten either.”
My hands curled at the thought of Pim distraught and sobbing—too broken to even eat after the fucked-up thing I’d done. “Someone needs to ensure she’s eating. She’s too damn skinny to skip meals.”
“She refused breakfast and lunch, but now, she’s out of her room. It’s a good opportunity to tell her to eat yourself.”
“I’m not her keeper.”
“No, but you’ve taken it upon yourself to be something. Fuck if I know what it is.” His forehead scrunched. “Not that it’s any of my business.” He backed from my office, clutching the door knob. “The chef will have dinner ready soon. Whether or not you decide to eat, I’ll make sure the girl has something.”
Fingernails dug into my palms as I curled my hands. “You’re a lot of things, Selix, but this is a first for you.”
“First of what?”
“Fucking meddling.”
His lips twitched. “You should know by now I can’t help what I see. We both fought to stay alive. And now, she’s doing the same. Until you kick her off the Phantom, I’ll continue to monitor her to keep both you and her safe.”
I read between the lines.
He’d be respectful of Pim as long as she didn’t try to hurt me—even though she had every right to after I’d forced myself on her. He’d made a vow to protect me, just like I had him. Only, he preferred to stay slightly in my shadow rather than become full partner—even though I’d offered him half of everything for his loyalty.
“This isn’t your fight, Selix.”
“If you’re in the ring, then yes, it is.”
“Need I remind you that you once tried to kill me? I think I prefer that side of you.”
He chuckled, closing the door as he said, “That was before I knew you. Let’s hope the girl gets to know you too, so I don’t have to hurt her.”
He didn’t give me a chance to reply.
My veiled insinuations about our war on the streets hung over me. We’d tried to kill each other multiple times until we transformed our mutual dislike into a brotherhood. He was there when the evil from my past found me—like they always did. He was there when I stood over a corpse, dreading the scent of death but glad it was my enemy and not me bleeding out. He was there when I told him about the faction that would never stop hunting me and my goal to exterminate them before they could exterminate me.
The click of the door switched my thoughts from past to present.
I shook my head free from life-threatening issues and focused on heart-ripping ones instead. I’d lived with the shadow of my death chasing me for years. Pim was still new to me and I’d already destroyed her.
Was she okay? Why hadn’t she eaten? Had I ruined her that much? If she’d been suicidal before, had I just made it ten times fucking worse?
The thought of undoing everything I’d tried to achieve gutted me. My stomach growled as apprehension stole the rest of my depleted energy.
Selix was right about one thing. I was hungry and needed food before I could fix what I’d fucked up.
Leaving my sketches, I stalked across the room and collected my cello. I should’ve put it away safely, but I couldn’t touch it all morning because every time I did, all I could think about was Pim crying.
With almost twenty-four hours separating what’d happened and now, my room wasn’t as intimate with mismatched feelings. I could tolerate putting it away. Lifting the heavy instrument, I plucked the bow off the chair and headed to the special padded box in the wardrobe.
My fingers itched to play, but I ignored them.
If I gave in, I’d lose myself to hours of music until midnight replaced early evening.