My forehead bunched. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re right, Elder. Without you, everything would still terrify me—including every man I came across. Without you, I would probably be dead by my hand or my old master’s, and I would’ve gladly entered a coffin to be free.” She stroked the sharp silver prongs. “You want to free me now when I’m finding freedom in your captivity? Well, that’s your decision, and nothing I say will change that. But you should know…if you send me away to return to a time warp where I no longer belong, return me to people who don’t know what I’ve been through, if I have relapses or nightmares, or have to relearn to survive all over again…then fine.” Her eyes glowed. “I can do that. I will do that. And I’ll do it because of you. Because of you, I’m strong enough to endure whatever comes next.”
She upended the fork and dug it into the wooden table. “But you should also know that because of you, I can hold this fork without fear of being beaten. I can sit at this table without cowering for a kick. Because of you, I can be human and not a pet because you showed me I’m valuable.”
Taking another sip of water to ease her unused throat, she smiled. “So thank you, Elder. Thank you for waking me up and smashing me open. Because by doing so, you broke every piece I had left and revealed something so much stronger within. The girl I was. The girl I thought was dead. The girl who will eventually take her life back and won’t need you or anyone to be happy.”
I sucked in a gasp. Everything about this recovering slave sucker-punched me in the goddamn gut. I’d never seen her look so elegantly refined but with a lethal dazzling edge. Her smile was sharp. Her shoulders straight. And the glitter in her gaze made me want to attack her from across the table, shove the food away, and have her as my main course.
I didn’t move, doing my best to control myself.
Don’t do it.
Don’t do it.
Don’t do it.
The law of threes.
I thought in threes. I operated in threes.
However, the mantra didn’t help. My desire only grew worse. I shifted in my chair. Her eyes flashed to mine while she licked her lips free of butter.
Fuck it.
I couldn’t do this anymore.
I couldn’t lie to myself or her.
Launching upright, I grabbed her arm and hauled her to her feet. She gasped as I shoved aside her plate and fisted her hips. With a quick yank, I placed her on the table. The side of her black dress soaked into the gnocchi sauce, but I didn’t give a damn.
Her hand came up still holding her fork, but I brushed her arm away with a sharp elbow then captured her chin. “You want to stay? Fine, but I’ve run out of patience to treat you kindly. If you stay, you accept that.”
Her skin whitened, but she tilted her head regally in my hands. “I won’t let you hurt me. I won’t let anyone hurt me ever again.”
Fuck, the courage in her. It radiated off her like heat waves over the tide. She was luminous.
“I won’t hurt you. You have my word.”
She locked eyes with me, distracting me as she wedged the fork against my jugular. The sharp tines dug into my skin. “What’s your word worth?”
I narrowed my gaze. “My word is worth a fuck load more than anyone else’s. If I say I won’t hurt you, I won’t.” I licked my lips, pressing my neck into the deadly prongs. “Under one condition.”
The fork at my throat fumbled. “What condition?”
“You just admitted you are sick of being Pimlico. You want to be who you were.” I wrapped my hand in her hair and tugged to arch her neck. “Who is that?” I bit her collarbone, switching teeth for tongue the moment she stiffened. “What is her name?”
She squirmed as I opened her legs, settling between them. The table wasn’t high, so I had to duck to kiss her neck, but the sensation of being between her legs unravelled me.
My hand came up against my control. Landing on her knee, I slid up her thigh to the one place I wanted more than anything.
The pressure in my jeans was excruciating.
Instead of pushing me away, the fork lowered, and she bowed in my arms. Her breathing wasn’t steady, and I didn’t know if it was from the fear or arousal that always seemed to hum between us.
“What’s your name?” I murmured into her skin, nipping her chin, wanting so much to kiss her but knowing if I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop.
“Pim…tell me.” I sucked her flesh, tasting her.
“It’s Pim…for now.” Pushing me away, she sucked in a breath. “Keep me. Teach me. Make me strong enough to stay in the light without going blind or burning—eradicate the darkness inside me, and I’ll tell you.”
The bargain wasn’t fair.
Not only did I have to keep myself on a leash, continue helping her, try not to touch her, and do my utmost not to hurt her—all just to earn her true name and secrets—but I also had to protect her from myself, those who hunted me, and her awful past.
It wasn’t a deal I should strike.
I should throw her overboard because she’d be safer in the depths than with me.
But I’d never been good at running from challenges.
I wanted her. Any fucking way I could have her.
I just had to hope I didn’t break.
Grabbing her hand, I ripped the fork from it and looped my fingers with hers. Shaking in agreement, I said, “I’ll let you stay…for now. But I don’t just expect your name, silent mouse. I expect everything from you. Every history and memory. Every pastime and secret. Every damn thought and experience. Promise me that, and we have a deal.”
She pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes, and dressed in courage until she shimmered with resolution.
She nodded. “Deal.”
Chapter Six
______________________________
Pimlico
THE SEXUAL TENSION didn’t vanish.
Even when Elder returned to his seat and we resumed eating. The damp spot on my dress from the butter sauce didn’t bother me in the warm dining room, and each time I brought a piece of fish to my mouth, I relished in how much I’d changed already. How using utensils no longer terrified me. How raising my voice wasn’t a suicide mission but a way to set ground rules and boundaries with the man I found intoxicatingly dangerous.
We didn’t speak while we finished the main course and settled back to a simple dessert of strawberries and vanilla cream.
Elder didn’t have a sweet tooth, and after a second cream-covered berry, he pushed the dish away and reached into his pocket. Giving me a look that dared me to say anything, he pulled out a joint and a lighter then lit it without apology.
My mouth went dry as he inhaled deep, his head tipping to the ceiling as the end of the joint glowed red. He held his breath for a long second then exhaled a lungful of grey smoke, twirling and twining between his lips.