“Come on.”
“Nothing’s happened, just so you know. I’d never do that to you.”
“I know,” she said. “But maybe you should.”
“What?”
“I think he’s stuck. He doesn’t want to break my heart, maybe.”
“Oh,” he said, sliding off the raft and into the water. He waded over and leaned against the side of the pool by her legs.
“Do you love him?” she asked, looking down.
“That doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does. Do you? I think maybe you do.”
“I think so, yeah,” he said. “Sorry.”
“We’ve never had sex, you know? Not once.”
“I didn’t. We don’t really talk about that kind of stuff.”
“Never? It can’t be games and TV all the time.”
“It sort of is, though. He isn’t one for serious conversation. I’m sure you know that.”
“I do. But I think he’s just scared. Maybe he’s waiting for you.”
“This is so fucking weird. What is it you want me to do, Lisa?”
She’d never seen him so frustrated and, all at once, she realized how heavy this must’ve been weighing on him. Maybe he’d loved Clark this whole time. If Janis could find her soul mate at Camp Christ Is Risen, then surely it was possible for the two of them to fall in love playing dorky strategy games and watching shows about space travel.
“Tell him how you feel,” she said. She was holding back tears that had somehow found a way to fill her eyes.
“What if you’re wrong?”
“I’m never wrong,” she said. “Tell me a good reason you two aren’t perfect together, and I’ll let you off the hook. I can learn to deal with this. I’d rather it be you than anyone else. It’ll just be weird at first. Then maybe we’ll laugh about it someday. Like, Hey, remember when Clark and Lisa were together? That was a mistake, wasn’t it?”
“No one’s going to say that.”
And then she saw that look on his face and was ready to help him count to ten and breathe slowly and get out of the pool. But this time it wasn’t a panic attack. He was crying.
“I tried so hard not to love him, Lisa. Please know that,” he said quietly.
“I do,” she said. “It’s not easy.”
“See why I am the way I am? You people are too complicated.”
“You’re outside right now and you’re in love. You’re one of us, dude.”
“Shit,” he said. “I can’t do it.”
“You can,” she said. “I know you can. And even if I’m wrong, won’t you be glad you told him? So it’s not torturing you?”
“I guess,” he said. “But what if he never talks to me again?”
“He’s not like that,” she said. “He’s Clark. He’ll be okay.”
“So if he wouldn’t tell you, what makes you think he’ll tell me?”
“He won’t have to,” she said. “You’ll both just know. It’s like that with love.”
“Well, the second I step outside, everything starts going to total shit.”
“There’s no escaping it.”
“What?”
“Life.”
“Say you’re sure,” he said. “Please.”
She thought about the question for a few seconds. She was sure of many things: that she wanted as far away from Upland as possible, that her mother would always be sad and lonely, and that Solomon would keep getting better, with or without her. These were inevitabilities. Time would prove that. But was this inevitable, too? Were Solomon and Clark meant to be together?
“Yeah,” she answered. “I’m sure.”
TWENTY-FIVE
SOLOMON REED
By all accounts, Solomon was doing better than ever. He had friends, he was going outside again, and his panic attacks were at a three-year low. Everything was looking up for him, considering how he’d spent the last few years. But now, with the thought of Clark secretly reciprocating his feelings and what that could mean for the three of them, Solomon couldn’t help wondering how quiet and safe his life would still be had the two of them never shown up.
He didn’t have much time to think about what he’d do, though, because just an hour after Lisa left, he heard someone banging on the front door. It was Clark, covered in sweat and bent over trying to catch his breath.
“Are you okay?” Solomon asked from inside the house.
“I . . . yeah . . . I just . . .” he said through his heavy breathing. “I just ran like four miles, I think.”
“From your house?”
“Yeah.”
“Impressive.”
“Is it a million degrees out or what?”
“Come in,” Solomon said, stepping out of the way. “I’ll get you some water.”
Clark followed him into the kitchen and chugged two whole glasses of water. He leaned back against the counter, his hair dripping with sweat, and looked over at Solomon like he needed to tell him something. For a split second, Solomon got a rush in his chest like maybe it was about to happen—like the world he ran away from had still managed to send someone just for him. All Clark had to do was say it.