“I don’t know. He spends all his time with Sol. All his time. And when he’s not doing that, he’s talking about him or making plans with him. I didn’t even realize it was happening and now I think it’s too late.”
“Well, you’re born gay, so if it’s true, it was too late a long time ago, Lisa.”
“I guess so.”
“Spending all their time together doesn’t make them gay, either. It makes them . . . I don’t know . . . two loners who found each other, maybe.”
“True.”
“So, you could be reading too much into it. You need to be sure before you do anything.”
“What’s there to do? I love him. He knows that. But it just feels weird between us now.”
“Even if he was gay, would Clark lie to you?”
“Yeah. That’s the part I can’t figure out. Plus, even if he is lying, shouldn’t I be supportive? I can’t make him feel guilty about being who he really is.”
“There’s a difference in being yourself and cheating on someone. You think Clark would do that to you? And aren’t you and Solomon close? Would he do that?”
“I don’t think so,” she said. “But what if they can’t help it?”
“Then at least maybe you’ll get your scholarship.”
“I thought you disapproved?”
“I do. But, I mean . . . it’s a unique perspective. Plus, you could get a lot of sympathy if you go for the whole crazy kid stole my boyfriend angle.”
“Clark doesn’t want me to do it. He said he’d tell Sol about the essay if I write it. Just another reason I think he cares more about him than he does me.”
“No way,” she said. “He’s just doing the right thing.”
“I know. So, maybe I just need to tell him, huh? Tell Solomon the truth and hope it doesn’t reverse all the progress he’s made.”
“He’s made progress?”
“Oh, yeah. He goes into the backyard now.”
“And you think it’s because of you?”
“I think he needed a push and I gave him one,” she said confidently.
“Lisa, if he finds out you lied, could he get worse than he was before?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m so afraid.”
“Okay, hang on a second,” Janis said. “So you don’t think Clark will forgive you if you write the paper unless you get Solomon’s permission, which could wreck the whole thing?”
“Something like that,” Lisa said, staring down blankly at the floor. “And if I write it without his permission, Clark’s going to tell him anyway.”
“Okay then. I’ll say a prayer,” Janis added.
Lisa knew she’d need more than a prayer if she was going to keep Clark, Solomon, and the essay. In a perfect world, Solomon would be touched that she’d chosen to find and help him. And Clark would be impressed with her maturity and honesty, so much so that he’d either be honest with her in return or wake up and stop acting like he didn’t care about their relationship anymore. But, this wasn’t a perfect world—this was the world that Solomon Reed had run away from and the more Lisa thought about it, the less ridiculous that idea sounded to her. After all, wasn’t she just trying to run away from the little part of the world that scared her, too?
TWENTY-THREE
SOLOMON REED
Sometimes Solomon had issues with guilt. And he couldn’t talk to anyone about it, because he was afraid that would make it worse. He saw it like this: He didn’t have any real problems. People starved to death. People got diseases. People’s homes burned down, got torn apart by tornadoes, got repossessed. He was a spoiled kid in suburbia who was too high-strung to deal with the real world.
Lisa and Clark came along and made things better, though. Way better. But, that didn’t help any with the guilt. In fact, every time they left his house, he’d get a shooting pain deep in his stomach, remembering that this is all he could be for them. And he was scared, too. He was afraid they’d always be waiting for him to change even more than he already had. Being outside had reinvigorated him, sure, but it hadn’t made him want to leave the house. It got him closer. Of course it did. But, that was a long time away and he knew it. Now he had everything he needed and friends who would come see him, invitation or not. He wasn’t so sure this was a step in the direction they all wanted, but he still held out hope that he’d get there eventually, that one day he’d wake up and it wouldn’t be enough for him anymore.
Solomon didn’t know what it felt like to be in love. He’d seen it a million times, big and sweeping and beautiful in TV and movies. But he’d always wondered what it actually felt like to think about another person that much, to lose himself in someone else. Now he was thinking maybe he knew.
The day after his impromptu skinny-dip with Clark, Solomon called his grandma. It was time, he’d decided. He’d tell her how he felt about Clark and she’d have some pearl of wisdom for him, some Southern saying that would hit him in all the right places and put things into perfect perspective. That, or she’d ask him something inappropriate about gay sex and he’d get too embarrassed to keep talking to her.
“Joan Reed Realty. We’ll take you home,” she answered.